... My goal has been to give my wife the time and the chance to enjoy, love the boat and slowly gain experience to develop confidence for the goal of a larger boat and cruising the Carribean as retirement is on the horizon. During this periods we have spend all night on the ocean as well as the Bay in transit. Of course we were properly equipped and alert. Safety always first...
I see something different in your sailing resume - a huge hole, despite a lot of time spent on the water. It appears you have allowed the tremendous fear you experienced on your second Transatlantic crewing experience to stymie your personal growth as a sailor. While you have spent a lot of time sitting on your boat and others, you have never really tested your personal ability and character ever since that scare. All the internet bullying in the world does not change that obvious avoidance of personal growth in your sailing career.
I now understand why you feel so threatened by solo sailors and those who approach sailing as a personal challenge, instead of a social activity. The mystery is why you would feel so proud of your perceived role as the SN "enforcer". I assume the mods encourage you in this role because you perform some useful function in organizing the get-togethers and shilling for the sponsors?