"We really notice it up here."
Now that is truly funny. Perhaps that statement got posted in the wrong thread. Two clicks down for the joke of the day thread. Now, I may be jumping off the deep end here. Given the social options available to the average canuck in early March, the fact that spring break-up is over a month away, and Canada's quest for relevance in the twenty-first century it is just possible that our northern brethern have the time and means available to monitor the day to day effects of a one degree change in average temperature. Contrary to many, I greet this news with joy. For those of us in the Luddite USA this offers a great opportunity to solve two pressing issues. It is well known that the US has a serious problem with illegal immigration and that little is being done about it. At current rates we will shortly be awash in Hispanic peoples with the jitney fare from Guatemala to Tiajuana. The tide is rising precipitously. So the immediate question is not the condition of the dikes but what to do with the water. We're going to have to put these illegal immigrants someplace, and what with no one in Washington, DC accrueing enough credits to graduate high school and the resultant log-jam at the eighth grade, what looked to be a promising location turns out to be a bust. Ever resourceful, I recommend that they be allowed to settle wherever desired. This does mean that we shall have to ex-patriate some current Americans. Let's skip over the injustice of this and get down to who's in and who's out. Think Noah's Ark here, in keeping with the general hysteria. What do we actually have a surplus of in the human capital department? Since we a confronted with a crisis of Biblical proportions it is convenient to think in such terms. My humble suggestion is that the country is currently over-populated with meteorologists. Every burg with a 50 watt TV station has at least six of these umbrella-less cretins. Given the long standing trade deficit the US has I suggest the exportation of such quantities of these kite-flying kooks to meet the influx of grape pickers from the south. And given the current climate, terrestial and political, in Canada, what better place to send them? Obviously there is work to be done in Canada, what with January sunburns and heat exhaustion a real possible threat. They should be warmly received given the average Canadian's hyper-sensitive glandular system. Certainly Moose Jaw could use additional manpower, if only to plant more yardsticks in more drifts. This exodus will actually be relatively painless here in Conus as the traffic flow will be uni-directional and will serve to
fuel massive interstate improvements what with the north/south routes having been sadly neglected since approximately Appomatux.
Before you discard this brilliant suggestion, and remember you heard it here first, I would ask you to consider the tremendous benefits. The Hispanic migrant worker, reknowned for hard work at tough physical jobs that Americans refuse to do, against the minions of the Weather Channel, unable to reliably tell you whether your bumbershoot will be required to within the 50th percentile. We literally have millions of these Mr Kimbles (Green Acres) claiming, "it might rain today, then again it might not". The Algoma Central Rail will certainly be taxed getting these weather ballon brains far enough north to not irradiate south of the Sault. Any competent offshore mariner can do as well as any of the flapdoodlers, and with their turn to the politics of global warming, why not send them where they are appreciated? For me, I only wish I had a job where a 50% success ratio was acceptable.
The same people who cannot really tell you why a tropical depression forms or doesn't form, and have even less grasp on what path it conceivably might follow when formed are providing the "science" that composes the raw data of global warming. Now, if you can't tell me what conditions off Cape Sable are going to be Friday next why am I going to believe you when expounding on 100 years hence? Clear and sunny off the Cape on Friday (never happen), and oops-that little low we were kinda watching is showing signs of developement. (dog them watertight doors boys, it's 'sposed to be sunny) So one little low, well south of Bermuda, in a matter of a few days can turn the entire western North Atlantic into the devil's playground. So much for your ten day forecast. Now suppose Krakatoa decides to blow her top again, and re-sod Alberta in the process. What's that going to do to your long term models on climate? The only thing we really know is that, we don't know. The Environmental Masters of these climatatological lackeys told us that the Hinchinbrook Pass would be devastated for generations after the Exxon Valdez spill. The only reports we're getting out of Valdez are of fishermen using Louisville sluggers to keep the salmon from flying into their over-filled boats. That was the last "consensus" scientists had. Since when are scientists "in consensus"? Scientists are notoriously crotchety and consensus is rarely attainable. Hell, it wasn't that long ago they all decied to agree, for the moment, that the earth was round, well sort of round. How long did that little debate rage on? And gee, there weren't any political consequences to differences in opinion on that one were there?
If you attempt a scheme similar to the GW one, in New York city, they label you a con-man, or grifter, and lock you up. You can shamboozle all the people you want for entertainment purposes-David Copperfield makes a nice living at it. But when you run a three card monte scam against the great unwashed they lock your butt up. Global Warming is just about that and, as such, is a fine pursuit for cabin-fever ridden canucks. Me? I'm hanging on tight to my wallet and monitoring sun-tan lotion futures.