OK, someone had to ask... If you are looking at these types of boats, why not throw in the mix the Hunter 380/38 and 410/41. I am not a big fan on the aesthetics of the 380 and 410, but think that the newer 38 and 41 series boats look pretty nice (of the past 2 years type vintage). I hear that the 38 sails really well and is a nice boat - I prefer the Catalina 387 island berth though for that 38' type range (though I think the 387 is close to a 40 footer?).
If you really want the space, liveability, etc., I would take a look at the Hunter 420 as well. We know some folks that have one and it is a really comforatable boat. That being said, I really do not know how well the sail, how the aesthetics hit you, etc. Very comfy - not sure how important that is to you and the admiral.
Is aesthetics the main reason that you were not including Hunters? From what I understand, with the newer boats, you will find little difference in quality of construction, etc. from the big 3. In the end, you should have about the same product, just pick the one you like the most. I personally think the aesthetics of the Hunters are vastly improving from 5-10 years ago.