Hmm.. 10-12˚ of heel isn't much for a monohull.
Given that you had a single reef in the mainsail as well, I don't know if you had too much mainsail up for the conditions. I wouldn't have thought that more than a first reef in the main would be needed on a 35' boat with 5000 lbs. of lead in the keel in only 20 knots of wind.
Have you had the rigging checked, it sounds like the mast may be raked aft too much. Just a thought.
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You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.
—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)
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Still—DON'T READ THAT POST AGAIN.