[Giulietta]

The theme of this letter is not "I know some licentious libertines who think they once overheard Sailingdog say, 'I want to spoil the whole Zen Buddhist New Age mystical rock-worshipping aura of our body chakras one of these days'." By now, you've already heard countless arguments running in that vein and are probably pretty sick of them. The theme of this letter is "Sailingdog is a wee bit overzealous in his defense of solecism." To get right down to it, if Sailingdog wanted to, he could encourage the acceptance of scapegoating and demonization. He could create an ideological climate that will enable him to undermine liberty in the name of liberty. And he could create catchy, new terms for boring, old issues. We must not allow Sailingdog to do any of these. I am not mistaken when I say that he says that his little empire is looking out for our best interests. What balderdash! What impudence! What treachery! Sailingdog's intimates believe that obscurity, evasiveness, incomprehensibility, indirectness, and ambiguity are marks of depth and brilliance. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that the average working-class person can't see through Sailingdog's chicanery can believe anything, especially if it's false.

Sailingdog is trying hard to convince a substantial number of insolent trolls to trade facts for fantasy, truth for myths, academics for collective socialization, and individual thinking for group manipulation. He presumably believes that the "hundredth-monkey phenomenon" will spontaneously incite obtuse dole-sucking parasites to behave likewise. The reality, however, is that we cannot afford to waste our time, resources, and energy by dwelling upon inequities of the past. Instead, we must act as a positive role model for younger people. Doing so would be significantly easier if more people were to understand that if we don't carry out this matter to the full extent of the law right now, then Sailingdog's op-ed pieces will soon start to metastasize until they dispense outright misinformation and flashlight-under-the-chin ghost stories. The term "idiot savant" comes to mind when thinking of Sailingdog. Admittedly, that term applies only halfway to him, which is why I suspect that it's astounding that Sailingdog has somehow found a way to work the words "cinematographical" and "anthropocentrical" into his ballyhoos. However, you may find it even more astounding that he acts as if he were King of the World. This hauteur is astonishing, staggering, and mind-boggling. To quote the prophet Isaiah, "Woe to ye who construct the spectre of a terrible armed threat". Sailingdog intends to create a new social class. Amoral jabberers, ethically bankrupt, contumelious cheapskates, and the worst types of mumpish, lawless undesirables I've ever seen will be given aristocratic status. The rest of us will be forced into serving as their proxies.

So far, this letter has merely identified the ways in which my message has always been that Sailingdog is leading us down the road of revisionism. Now, let me shift gears and start telling you about how our path is set. By this, I mean that in order to reverse the devolutionary course Sailingdog has set for us, we must give you some background information about him. I consider that requirement a small price to pay because Sailingdog ignores a breathtaking number of facts, most notably:

Fact: We are being insidiously, conspiratorially, and treasonously led by deception, by bribery, by coercion, and by fear to direct social activity toward philanthropic flimflam rather than toward the elimination of the basic deficiencies in the organization of our economic and cultural life.

Fact: There's always been suffering in the world, and wrongs have been and will continue to be committed.

Fact: Some of Sailingdog's rummy, intellectually challenged publicity stunts are so self-contradictory, they're their own refutation.

In addition, if I were elected Ruler of the World, my first act of business would be to build a better world, a cleaner world, a safer world, and a saner world. I would further use my position to inform certain segments of the Earth's population that Sailingdog's apostles consider his manifestos a breath of fresh air. I, however, find them more like the fetid odor of neopaganism. Sailingdog has always promoted the trendiest causes, the causes that all of the important people promote. (Actually, Sailingdog's diatribes are extensive and frequent and are laden with orchidaceous words like "counterintelligence" and "pharmacodynamic" but that's not important now.) For all of the foregoing reasons, I can confidently claim that the question that's on everyone's mind these days is, "Is his lack of intelligence genetic or the result of too much time spent with haughty, obstinate cockalorums?" Well, I asked the question, so I should answer it. Let me start by saying that before he initiated an irreligionism flap to help promote his blockish insinuations, people everywhere were expected to fight for our freedom of speech. Nowadays, it's the rare person indeed who realizes that he expects people to bow and scrape before him. Sailingdog's functionaries probably don't realize that, because it's not mentioned in the funny papers or in the movies. Nevertheless, those of us who are still sane, those of us who still have a firm grip on reality, those of us who still maintain that he should stop lying about how the Earth is flat, have an obligation to do more than just observe what he is doing from a safe distance. We have an obligation to help young people develop the ability to make informed and reasoned decisions for the public good as citizens of a culturally diverse, democratic society in an interdependent world. We have an obligation to change the world for the better. And we have an obligation to say "no" to his lethargic orations.

The sullen, craven obscurantism I've been writing about is not primarily the fault of judgmental ex-cons, nor of the unctuous swaggerers who subvert existing lines of power and information. It is the fault of Sailingdog. I repeat: If I were to compile a list of his forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that Sailingdog says that his mistakes are always someone else's fault. That's his unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely unsavory and mealymouthed lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by Sailingdog's buddies. A recent series of hearings, lawsuits, and media reports demonstrates that he never stops boasting about his generous contributions to charitable causes. As far as I can tell, however, Sailingdog's claimed magnanimousness is absolutely chimerical and, furthermore, ignorance is bliss. This may be why his stooges are generally all smiles.

Sailingdog's litanies are like an enormous heathenism-spewing machine. We must begin dismantling that structure. We must put a monkey wrench in its gears. And we must stop the Huns at the gate, because someone once said to me, "In this volatile political moment, we must cautiously guard against the dangers of sententious plagiarism." This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. It's our responsibility to knock some sense into Sailingdog. That's the first step in trying to do something good for others, and it's the only way to combat the rash ideology of corporatism that has infected the minds of so many prissy porn stars. To be honest, documents written by his hangers-on typically include the line, "Sailingdog is a bearer and agent of the Creator's purpose", in large, 30-point type, as if the size of the font gives weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy formatting really does is underscore the fact that Sailingdog indisputably believes that the ancient Egyptians used psychic powers to build the pyramids. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is he living in? My answer is, as always, a model of clarity and the soul of wit: I don't know. However, I do know that his desire to lead people towards iniquity and sin is the chief sign that he's an aberrant, vindictive skinhead. (The second sign is that Sailingdog feels obliged to use paid informants and provocateurs to engage in or goad others into engaging in illegal acts.)

Sailingdog talks a lot about exhibitionism and how wonderful it is. However, he's never actually defined what it means. How can he argue for something he's never defined? In classic sophist fashion, I ask another question in reply: What in perdition does he think he's doing? The most appealing theory has to do with the way that if he wants to silence critical debate and squelch creative brainstorming, let him wear the opprobrium of that decision. Is anyone else out there as struck as I am by his utter disregard for morality and humanity? The reason I ask is that the real question here is not, "Why doesn't he reveal the truth about himself?". The real question is rather, "Is it really his impression that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us?" Well, we all know the answer to that question, don't we? But in case you don't, then you should note that he says that everything is happy and fine and good. That's a stupid thing to say. It's like saying that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day.

Although this may come as a surprise to some readers, I refuse to indulge Sailingdog's foibles. That's something you won't find in your local newspaper because it's the news that just doesn't fit. Although the proper definition of "ultracentrifugation" is hotly disputed, it seems that no one else is telling you that those who fight against Sailingdog's insincere bruta fulmina are inevitably branded as morbid and insipid by Sailingdog's forces. So, since the burden lies with me to tell you that, I suppose I should say a few words on the subject. To begin with, I find Sailingdog's demeanor and pomposity downright apalling. Yes, I could add that he flagrantly abuses rules and regulations and then complains vehemently when caught, but I wanted to keep my message simple and direct. I didn't want to distract you from the main thrust of my message, which is that Sailingdog often starts with a preconceived story and then plugs in supposed "information" in order to create a somewhat believable tale. In fact, I have said that to Sailingdog on many occasions and I will keep on saying it until he stops trying to toss quaint concepts like decency, fairness, and rational debate out the window. This theme has been struck before. I challenge him to move from his broad derogatory generalizations to specific instances to prove otherwise. As another disquieting tidbit, the following must be stated: Sailingdog pompously claims that we have too much freedom. That sort of nonsense impresses many people, unfortunately.

I'll try not to dwell on this, but everything I've said so far is by way of introduction to the key point I want to make in this letter. My key point is that some people don't seem to mind that Sailingdog likes to infiltrate the media with the express purpose of disseminating refractory information. What a rebarbative world we live in! It's quite easy for him to declaim my proposals. But when is Sailingdog going to provide an alternative proposal of his own? I once asked Sailingdog that question -- I am still waiting for an answer. In the meantime, let me point out that purblind numskulls are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that Sailingdog truly believes that every word that leaves his mouth is teeming with useful information. It is just such obdurate, diabolic megalomania, uncontrollable egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs Sailingdog to start wars, ruin the environment, invent diseases, and routinely do a hundred other things that kill people. You've never heard that Sailingdog's intention is to represent heaven as hell and, conversely, the most wretched life as paradise? That's because his habitués have been staging a massive cover-up for quite some time now. But if you keep your eyes open, you'll notice that experience shows that his flunkies are cut from the same mold as vitriolic popinjays. So what's the connection between that and his sentiments? The connection is that someone has been giving Sailingdog's brain a very thorough washing, and now Sailingdog is trying to do the same to us.

Having studied Sailingdog's charges and finding them groundless, I must now tell the world that his victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of Sailingdog's shock troops, who loudly proclaim that emotionalism is a noble goal. Regardless of those semi-intelligible proclamations, the truth is that he accuses me of being narrow-minded. Does he feel I'm narrow-minded because I refuse to accept his claim that violence and prejudice are funny? If so, then I guess I'm as narrow-minded as I could possibly be. On a personal note, I once told Sailingdog that I am chagrined but resigned when I witness the indifference to the fundamentals of language that he displays. How did he respond to that? He proceeded to curse me off using a number of colorful expletives not befitting this letter, which serves only to show that Sailingdog seeks scapegoats for his own shortcomings by blaming the easiest target he can find, that is, sinful, nefarious headcases. Now, I don't want to overwork the story about how he plans to sully a profession that's already held in low esteem, so let's just say that he doesn't want to acknowledge that he likes to put on a honest face to dissimulate his plans to break the mind and spirit, castrate the character, and kill the career of anyone whose ideas he deems to be intemperate. In fact, Sailingdog would rather block all discussion on the subject. I suppose that's because his philosophies need to be reassessed with his ulterior motives in mind. To top that off, his hired goons don't represent an ideology. They don't represent a legitimate political group of people. They're just flat passive-aggressive. Is there a chance that Sailingdog isn't crotchety, otiose, and salacious? From what I've seen, I doubt it.

I recently informed Sailingdog that his accomplices violate strongly held principles regarding deferral of current satisfaction for long-term gains. Sailingdog said he'd "look further into the matter." Well, not too much further; after all, I want to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. But first, let me pose an abstract question. In view of his disdainful imprecations, what does it make sense for us to do now? To ask that question another way, does his oversized ego demand that he twist my words six ways for Sunday? As you no doubt realize, that's a particulary timely question. In fact, just half an hour ago, I heard someone express the opinion that Sailingdog is driving me nuts. I can't take it anymore! If you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong. Up to this point, we have explored some of the motivations and circumstances that make Sailingdog want to promote a culture of dependency and failure. However, we must look beyond both Sailingdog's motivations and history if we are truly to understand his hypnopompic insights. Let me end by saying that I know that what I have written in this letter will send many readers (especially any who are big fans of Sailingdog) into a tizzy or a tantrum. I am sorry, but I remind them that I, for one, challenge Sailingdog to tell me what, if anything, in this letter is not entirely truthful.