My wife participated heavily and positively in the various stages of construction of my boat.
In fact it's thanks to her that I have the boat I ahve now, the way it is now. She wanted a cruiser for the summer and for the kids, me...you know what I wanted...
So the only way to accomodate both wishes was to have her built.
she decided pretty much what the boat was to have inside and how many heads and cabins. She also said she wanted a double kitchen sink, electrical heads, hot/cold showers, and so forth...she pretty much put in a whole bunch of requisits the boat had to have and it was up to me to build around..she didn't care how we made it as long as her list was fullfilled.
we visited many many boats together to help her get ideas, and once we startd construction we knew pretty much what was needed and how.
I like my boat inside and am happy she was wise enough to decide how and what she wanted. I did my part of the agreement, that is I supplied all her demands (within reasonably and structurally possible), and she stayed out of what the boat was like outside and how it was to be controlled.
She allowed me tocontour certain of her demands for practical reasons but I believe we were lucky to achieve each other's "wish" list completely.
The problem is...you really can only do it if you comission a boat...this male/female inside/outside harmony, won't be found in production boats, unfortunately.
This compromise by both of us, allows us to sail together everyday in the summer with the kids for 2 months with a lot of confort, and allows me to sailmy boat the way I want for the rest of the year. I thik we found some harmony in the sailing together problem...