A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!
Whatever stories you may have heard up ''till this point about, precisely where Noah''s Ark finally came to rest, please forget them, because I know they are not true.
The definitive story about Noah''s Ark is written below and since I am Noah, I was there, so please don''t argue with me! You should know from the sories that you have heard before, (and this bit is true) that I am God''s best friend, so please don''t push me!
Well for a kick off, I am Noah, I am 39 right now (any suggestion that I am nearer 700 is utter folly, I just couldn''t blow out that many candles!) so at the time of The Ark coming to rest, or ''landing'', as I prefer to put it, I would have been about 36ish.
Unlike all the other stories you may have heard about two by two and me having a vision of building a big boat to harbour all the creatures of the planet, I did not really have that much notice. Well none actually! Neither did I have the option to begat three sons with partners in tow. We just didn''t get a choice in those days.
What really came to pass was that me and Nelly (that''s her real name okay!) couldn''t afford the luxury of a high rise stack, of hay and mud.
This locale was and still is under quite heavy inward investment which puts a serious strain on the affordable housing stock. In other words it is seriously expensive for local people.
So, thinking along Darwinian lines that we all started out as fish, we pondered the idea of getting into the environment from whence they came. It seemed we were way ahead of our time, we thought it was a bit ''organic''. A box, a boat, it floats we''re off. Twas that simple really, all our little darlings on board and seven shiny goldfish.
Contrary to popular belief, The Ark didn''t float aimlessly into the abyss for years and years, no, it was actually INVITED into a beautiful, pretty boat park, in the South of the ancient Cambrian Region, where it stayed undisturbed for the best part of three whole years. For those overseas, I should explain that the ''Cambrian region'' is a humble, but whole and separate country called WALES. Roughly speaking, it''s between middle England and Southern Ireland. Anyways, getting back to our little tale...
Also not quite in keeping with the stories you may have heard, we were actually able to go to and fro, without the need to precariously land THE ARK on the top on any Mountain. Neither were we miles from human habitation. Whatever miracle had brought us safe thus far, also brought us to within a mile of the local supermarkets (Asda over here, that''s Walmart I think!)where grocery provisions were, and still are, in abundance. How convenient.
I know I digress, but as a matter of interest, there is just about everything one (with any moderate standards), could possibly wish for in this locale. Cinemas, parks, swimming pools, bowling, opera and performing arts facilities, restaurants, you name it, I think its catered for. Oh, and don''t forget Chuches! I am under contract, so I have to mention the abundance of Churches.
So Nell (that''s Mrs. Noah) was just one month away from ''giving it her all'', for she was with child, our child, and soon to be born at that. All was settled aboard The Ark. Snuggly and peacefully we lived aboard until somebody decided, (even God didn''t tell us) that THE ARK should finally ''come to rest'' in a most spectacular fashion.
Nelly and I were just quietly sitting down to watch our favourite vid, it was a dark cold night, bitterly cold. The rain and sleet were pounding against the windows. The winds were high. All the little animals on board The ARK were warm, snug and fast asleep....I refer, of course to our dear little children!
CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! KABOOM! Noah''s Ark had finally come to ''rest'', but this wasn''t on Mount Arrarat, it was on the Hammerhead of G pontoon, AT CREST NICHOLSONS'' MARINA, IN PENARTH MARINA, VALE OF GLAMORGAN, WALES, UK. I know there will be some weak in faith and a few zealots who want exact details, so that''s CF64 1TQ. (Zip Code)
In the ''other story'' that you may be familiar with, you already know, the waters ''subside'', but this was slightly different.........someone just decided to open the lock gates, but didn''t bother to tell me and sack-dress (pet name) about it! Out went the water in a rush....down went The Ark with a weeping and gnashing of teeth! Our weeping, our teeth! It''s true to say that there were parts of our anatomy that went from half a crown (a silver dollar perhaps?)to a sixpence (a dime?) in a millisecond!
Though we may have travelled so far in life experience, nothing has ever prepared us quite for the journey ahead......The Ark has since developed a leak!
Oh My God!!!
As you have probably guessed, the detail of this story is not that funny at all but it''s the sense of humour which we have since had to adopt, which is probably keeping our hopes and our dream alive
Dear SailNet and SailNet Members. PLEASE CAN YOU HELP?
To all decent and understanding hearts who share the joyful experience of being anywhere near a boat or living on the water, I place this note of sincere appeal.
My family and I are about to face the start of legal proceedings of eviction from a UK marina. The date we have been given to expect proceedings to start is from 1st April 2003.
We have done nothing wrong whatsoever. We have paid all our bills, kept our noses clean. We have always had permission to live here on our Houseboat. We get on very well with the neighbours. Here''s a link to a photograph of it taken just recently.
Our five daughters have never lived any other way. Living on a boat is a beautiful way of life. I am sure that SailNet members would agree? Four of our children are settled in school and the ''lady'' of the boat is now in full time education.
The marina operator has recently informed us that they made a mistake in letting us come to the marina 6 years ago. So, they said, LEAVE! You can not stay here any more, it''s not suitable. Go away and relocate yourself! The nearest known facility is in another country! Thay have made an offer of £10k to us to go away, which sounds reasonable enough but it''s not that straight forward....
There is also the documented fact, as indicated above, that they caused an incident in which the boat struck the hard and toppled sideways, and now the boat has developed a leak! Consequently, no company will insure such a boat, no towing company will move a boat without insurance. The vessel is unpowered and has no sails, it is a purposely converted craft...our HOME. We are in a bizarre situation which is not of our own making.
We are both local people, both Cardiff born, (approx 5 miles from Penarth) who had a dream over 13 Years ago. To get married, to buy a boat, convert it and live happily ever after, raising our lovely little family, on our Houseboat, at Penarth marina.
Sadly, some time back, our only son Joshua Benedict died aboard the Picton, just two days old. Coming to terms with this has been exhausting. Our sentimental attachment to the THE ARK (Houseboat M.V. Picton) and this locale is thus magnified. Moving away from our own home area or just simply giving up the M.V. Picton without a fight, is not an option, we believe that we could realistically consider.
If you feel anything at all about this situation and would like to know more, give advice or express an opinion, or support our campaign to save our home and protect our way of life, please send me an e-mail directly to WWWNOAHSARK@aol.com
Or if you prefer, please post comments here and I will get back to you. Please also feel free to tell your boating friends about this appeal.
Thankyou SailNet Administators
Thankyou SailNet Members
Vince & Marie Louise Shalom
Houseboat M.V. Picton