Upwind, the traveler suggestion may be the best one. Ease the traveler, keep the sheet fairly tight, and you may be less overpowered by the puffs and hence can react a little less with both sheet and helm. Or try easing the traveller in the puffs, see if that keeps the main quieter while still relieving the heeling pressure.
Jibing, I get down to a run, then trim the main to get a minimal "slam" arc; I tend not to cross over too early, stay in the middle and duck, I may steer with my knees, then once the boom rushes over, ease real quick, cross over, and make sure you keep the bow downwind (without re-jibing of course) so you don't round up and broach.
Your jibe routine sounds basically okay, might just need a little tweaking. Lots depends on the type of boat.
After a while, both maneuvers become so instinctive, you have to think hard and replay it in your mind in order to describe it in words.