I think there is a big difference between being a CG captain with a crew, and a husband and wife working together.
Instead of seeing captaincy as who is in charge over the other, I suggest you see it as who is responsible. That may change how you see it and make the burden less attractive. It doesn't mean that one can't consult, or be alerted to something one may have overlooked. In a domestic situation the emphasis is not on giving orders but having a plan communicating it and ensuring that the other is willing and able to carry it out. A coastguard crew would not say stuff you stick it. An unhappy partner may.
Some responsibilities may be delegated eg navigation however it still can be prudent to check.
I once went fishing with an airline pilot. Just before launching I asked if the bungs were in, a mistake I have made. His response was, "Yes thank you for asking," which I thought was particularly apt, and presumably reflected his background.