20+ degrees is pretty far, I'm not surprised she was a bit scared on one of her first trips..
Putting a reef in is great.. we usually sail in 10-15knts and with the main sheeted in tight we can get 25degrees of heel.. put a reef in, in the same conditions 5-10degrees.. I often put a reef in when there's girls on the boat.. when it's just a couple of guys we put on the gloves and see how far we can get her over !!
On a seperate note, I asked an experienced racer if you could sheet out the main so far as to keep the boat upright in any reasonable conditions.. he said, "of course, but one day your knut$ will drop, and you'll WANT to go fast" needless to say when the wife is on the boat I let the main WAY out, she has more fun.. and it's boring to go by yourself..
