[J36ZT]

First, let me say I'm sorry to hear your wife had a bad experience with a previous captain. It'll likely take some time sailing before you both are able to overcome it.

Secondly, I'm not familiar with the characteristics of your boat. Most keel boats will self-right no matter what you do to them. Center-boards may not. You should probably check a reliable source or two for specifics on your boat. In any case, I have no doubt it would take some extreme sailing to lay the boat flat.

I've heard sailboats are most efficient on a tack with about 15-degrees of heel. 20-degrees is actually not bad, although you're likely to be overpowering the boat a bit at this point. On the boats I've sailed (not many), the rail didn't start getting wet until around 45-degrees. Past 45-degrees, the boats were just so inefficient, the crew so uncomfortable, the boat so unnecessarily stressed, that sailing was a chore instead of fun.

So, to answer your question...20-degrees of heel is not really that much; but is at or near the point when you should consider flattening the sails, easing the sheets a bit, and/or reefing.

As far as the yelling captain goes... That's not me! If you're always yelling at people, when will they know when things are seriously going bad?...or when they've got to do something right NOW!? Asking your crew, instead of ordering them, goes a long way...and makes for a much more relaxed atmosphere where everyone can have a good time.

Hope you start getting better weather.

Skipper, J/36 "Zero Tolerance"