Quote:
Originally Posted by Boasun
... they should have a bounty on the carp. Maybe one to four dollars.
|
Should mean sweet profit for my carp-farming startup. I've been raising them in kiddie pools out back, feeding them on scraps I liberated from dumpsters behind McDonalds and Applebees. Weight gains have been
awesome. Every evening I walk out and give a long blast with an airhorn, just to watch all the carp leap panicked into the air. It's funnier than
Tennessee Fainting Goats!
I was planning to extort money from cities and states by threatening to release jumping carp in their lakes unless they paid me ... mwahhahahhaa! ... one MILLION dollars. But now I can just breed them and rake in the bounty money, perhaps I will abandon Evul Plan A. Or perhaps ... not. Mwaahaaahaa!
BTW, my Carp Cricket skills have improved markedly since I built what amounts to a batting cage in my yard. Some may scoff and say it's the difference between Tee Ball and standing in against Randy Johnson. But I know better. When I go out on an airboat, those haters will watch in awe as I slap carp after carp onto the river banks. Hit for six!
ETA: Research suggests the reason these fish fling themselves at boats is depression. That's right -- these fish have realized how ugly they are, that they will never find true love, and so they are acting out the fish equivalent of Anna Karenina throwing herself under a train. What we need to do is introduce a large number of Kissing Fish into affected waters. Dinner, movie, a little suckey-facey ... no more desperate emo fish concussions.