Lots of good suggestions.
I'm a big fan of taking classes, at least at the start to learn the correct, efficient, safe and occasionally easy way to do things. I also think having successful sails builds confidence.
I think its clear that both of you are in over your heads and I think you both should take lessons at the same school but hopefully in different classes/sessions. Being in separate classes gives you the opportunity to take command and/or make mistakes without him getting in the way.
I know that sailing season is winding down in Maine so maybe you want to consider taking a class during the winter in some warmer climate. Make a vacation of it and learn to sail at the same time.
Yare - Morris M36 #50