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I am only passing this along, it wasn't me.
Mike
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary
submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest.
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something
extra for my wife, Julie.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket(purse- sized) tazer.
The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
safety.
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing!
I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal
surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and
forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face
of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't
be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to
try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought
better of it.
She is such a sweet cat.
But if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a
mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer
in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your
assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major
loss of bodily control, a three-second burst would purportedly make your
assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less
than 3/4 inch in circumference.
Pretty cute, really, and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries)
thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best . . .
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as
to say, 'Don't do it, Dip ****,' reasoning that a one second
burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.
I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the
prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the
recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my
eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs.
The cat was making meowing sounds I had
never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace,
obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor.
A three second burst would be considered conservative.
IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the
damage.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace, the recliner was
upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was, my triceps,
right thigh and both nipples were still twitching my face felt like it had been
shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of
smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their
safe return!
P.S. My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now
regularly threatens me with it!
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!
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