There is no such a thing as the perfect 40 offshore boat. All boats are some sort of compromise, but I think your wife is going to love this one:
http://www.yachtworld.com/boats/1998/Dehler-41-Deck-Saloon---Updated-2009-2040985/Hilton-Head/SC/United-States
It seems in good condition and updated. The boat is relatively fast, has oceangoing capacities, it's well built and has a self taking
jib.
But only you and your wife can decide what is the compromise that suits your needs.