SailNet Community - View Single Post - Just had a "break-through" with wife
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post #72 of Old 04-19-2010
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Two years ago, my wife and I took a vacation to a bed and breakfast in the Florida Keys. It was our first vacation in about 6 years. I sold our Hunter 27 so we could buy our house, 25 years ago. Now the house is paid for, the cars are paid for, the daughter's college is paid for, and we havea grandson. It seemed like a good time to own a small sailboat. I had been looking at sailboat ads for sometime. When we got home from vacation my wife cashed in a CD that came due and gave me the money for a sailboat.

I bought a boat with her in mind, it's comfortable small cruiser that is unsinkable, an Etap 26, she can't swim. The boat had a bimini and a dodger, which makes for a closed in feeling in the cockpit. I thought that would make her feel safe. I spent only half the money she gave me, and planned on using the rest for upgrades. I bought a tillerpilot so she wouldn't have to steer if she didn't want to. My daughter and grandson were thrilled. Unfortunately the boat had a number of problems I missed, and didn't even get in the water last year. I've spent a lot more time and money on it than I intended. But none of that really mattered.

The day I bought the boat she stopped sleeping with me. She stopped talking to me, unless it is to tell me what I am doing wrong. Apparently I can't do anything right, unlike at work where I am respected for what I do so well. Valentines day was our 30th anniversary. She didn't mention it, and neither did I. She says she will never go on the boat. As soon as I realized the boat had problems I suggested getting rid of it. She went berserk over how much money I might lose doing that. I would sell the boat in a minute if it fixed things between us. Apparently the boat money was just a test, and I failed.

The scary part is that we are in our mid fifties, our parents are in their mid 80s and we MIGHT live that long! I actually understand where her resentment comes from. When I was 30 I walked away from the family business, where I was doing very well. I gave it to my younger brother whom is now a muti-millionaire. The new business I started didn't work, and I spent a lot of years trying. I finally just gave up and got a regular job. It would be nice if she could forgive me, but that doesn't look like it is going to happen. So I am just a miserable old bastard with a sailboat that needs a lot of work.

You have no idea how much I envy you guys that have found a way to get your wife on board!

Gary H. Lucas
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