I solved the problem of wife being shy to steer the Bermuda 40, by supporting her decision to buy a Merit 25 for Estuary racing.
Could not have bought a better boat.
Denise, where does this distain for male sailors come from? What kind of Neanderthals are you sailing with? Really? If you're sailing someone else's boat and they want to drive, its their boat, they can do what they wish. Just as if they're driving your boat and you want the helm, take it back, it's your boat. If they pout, tell em to HTFU and find another ride.
Personally, I really don't like driving, but people tend not to be as agressive in someone else's boat. Also on my boat the driver also does traveler, mainsheet, outhaul, and backstay adjustments and I just don't have crew capable of doing all that.
And the bit about the 240 guy driving a small boat w/ his <5' wife trimming, he's just an idiot. I don't know anyone who comes in the bottom 1/3 of hte fleet and is happy about it. Can't fix stupid.