I think the Jersey shore inlets and all the fear people instill in me about them is the single reason I've not tried to get down to cape may or barnegat. Because I really really want to get out on the ocean someday! (if the temps ever get below 85 again!)
You've developed a HEALTHY respect...trust your instincts, but don't be afraid. Cape May is straight forward...I haven't done Barnegat yet.
Don't run them in a storm; don't run them when wind and current oppose; update your charts; run them at slack; and follow somebody with a deeper draft than you !