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Technical help for a screenplay

3K views 21 replies 16 participants last post by  rikhall 
#1 ·
I'm a screenwriter living WAY up in the mountains of north Georgia (where Navy types are very rare) in need of a few technical terms, or even slang, relating to equipment aboard ships, specifically what would be used to hoist something, like a large rubber life-boat (loaded with drugs), over the fantail of a ship. In the scene, the mother ship has cut the rotation of the screw (is that correct?) but it hasn't completely stopped as deck hands hoist the large rubber life-boat over the fantail and in to the wake, stablizing it with lines (again, is that correct?) before releasing them and setting it adrift. It would be "heavy" so some kind of hoist or crane would be needed.

Here's how it is written now. If someone would be so kind as to vet it, I would be most appreciative. BTW, it's the only place in the screenplay where a ship is involved so this'll be a one-off request (from a former Army type ;o) ).

Thanks in advance.

Bill

From page three:

EXT. ABOARD THE TRAMP STEAMER -- CONTINUOUS

The rotation of the SCREW diminishes noticeably, as does the ship's wash, as deck hands hoist the rubber raft over the fantail.

As soon it's stable in the wake, the lines are released, the rotation of the SCREW increases, and the ship continues on into the night, leaving the life raft adrift on the open ocean.

Moments later, a 36 foot sport-fishing boat, it's powerful engines GURGLING, eases alongside the raft. It's running lights are off.

From the flying bridge, eerie green lights from sophisticated electronic gear keeps the three man crew in shadows as...

ON BOARD THE SPORT-BOAT

... they hurriedly haul in small bales from the raft.

A CREW MEMBER machine-GUNS the raft as the CAPTAIN hits the throttles and turns toward shore, revealing barely discernable lights glowing on the distant horizon and...

... as the mutilated raft slowly slips beneath the surface, the contemplative sights and SOUNDS of the moon lit ocean return.
 
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#3 ·
Ok, I'll bite. I'm not sure you're on the path to winning any Oscars here, but I think we should be a friendly bunch.

The things you use to hoist a dinghy out of the water are davits.

A naval architect might call it a screw, but normal people call it the prop.
 
#5 · (Edited)
Use amber glow from the instruments (not green - which is so 1962).

The raft won't sink on its own, even with bullet holes. You need to weight it.

And a "Tramp Steamer" should have a bunch of bad-ass chicks from Hooters as crew. This will definitely help sell the story.
 
#7 ·
Me, personally, I think you are all too hard on Winterchase. I think it is laudable that he is seeking the collective expert advice (or lunacy) of this group. How many times have you read a book that contained terribly incorrect nautical scenes - can you believe Kevin Costner took his PFD off before he jumped in the water in Message in a Bottle! Give me a break, and give Winterchase a break too.

Good on ya, Winterchase!

==========

>The rotation of the SCREW diminishes noticeably,

screw or prop both work, prop or propellers might be better

As soon it's stable in the wake, the lines are released, the rotation of the SCREW increases, and the ship continues on into the night, leaving the life raft adrift on the open ocean.

Maybe - as soon as it is "stable at the stern" ....

>powerful engines GURGLING,

This works

>From the flying bridge, eerie green lights from sophisticated electronic gear keeps the three man crew in shadows as...

green, amber, or remove the colour totally

>A CREW MEMBER machine-GUNS the raft

or reaches over and slashes the rubber side - they might not want the noise of a gun??

... as the < weight of the outboards pull the> mutilated raft beneath the surface, the contemplative sights and SOUNDS of the moon lit ocean return.

Just some ideas - I too want your screenplay to be accurate.

Happy New Year. When you get enough posts to send me a PM - feel free.

Rik
 
#10 ·
Me, personally, I think you are all too hard on Winterchase. I think it is laudable that he is seeking the collective expert advice (or lunacy) of this group. How many times have you read a book that contained terribly incorrect nautical scenes - can you believe Kevin Costner took his PFD off before he jumped in the water in Message in a Bottle! Give me a break, and give Winterchase a break too.

Good on ya, Winterchase!

.
.
.
What he said, what a grumpy bunch, did Santa deliver coal?

John
 
#9 ·
Be sure to fire a flare gun into the sails - READ DEAD CALM!

Some STOOPID STUFF about boats and sailing are sure to make us tightwads get off our armchairs, go see a movie, maybe go sailing - but surely criticize your attempts, and nobody has ever ask you to go with, and you get to laugh all the way to the Bank!

Good Luck! Happy Sails, May the wind always be at your back!

S 50
 
#11 ·
I agree with Rikhall, why waste the rounds when a few quick knife slashes will do. And the knife will make a bigger hole -- for faster sinking....

If it’s just a “rubber raft” it probably has no engine, so some one the sport fisherman should put some weight in the raft before slashing both sides.

(Rafts, or inflatable dinghies usually have multiple air compartments. You’ve got to slash them all and weight it to make it sink.)
 
#12 ·
Yo, Bill?

United States Navy, Public Relations Dept., c/o The Pentagon, Washington DC.

They've got a whole bunch of friendly folks who will be glad to spend all day on the phone with you explaining what happens on gray ships and with a little encouragement, they'll even find a way to put you on board one so you can observe it firsthand.
 
#14 ·
The machine gun seems to make sense considering, and I also concur that such a boat would not have davits, a crane would be perfectly acceptable. I would assume if they are offshore, the raft will ahve some type of motor for propulsion and this can be enough weight to sink it. Or make it even more fun, and have there be a gas can in the raft which explodes!
I would say read some nautical literature, pick up some terminology from exposure, and don't hesitate to ask people in the know if you really care about accuracy. It will be wonderfully refreshing to see something really accurate come out.
 
#15 ·
Just in the little bit you posted, I thought, In modern times, a tramp steamer would the last thing a mule would use, hell, even in 3rd world counties, the mules have better equipment (boats) than the local authorities; if this was back when a steamer was still a viable mode, then you have the problem with the sportfisher with powerful engines, they weren't around.

I guess it would help if we knew the era this was playing out; Screws and green glows may be proper terminology in a story taking place in the 40's / 50's where props, amber glow and bad-ass chicks from Hooters would be more suited in modern times

But then, I'm no playwrite




Best of luck to ya
 
#20 ·
Just in the little bit you posted, I thought, In modern times, a tramp steamer would the last thing a mule would use, hell, even in 3rd world counties, the mules have better equipment (boats) than the local authorities; if this was back when a steamer was still a viable mode, then you have the problem with the sportfisher with powerful engines, they weren't around.

I guess it would help if we knew the era this was playing out; Screws and green glows may be proper terminology in a story taking place in the 40's / 50's where props, amber glow and bad-ass chicks from Hooters would be more suited in modern times

But then, I'm no playwrite

Best of luck to ya
LOL! TKS for the mention of amber instead of green! Thanks to you, I dodged another potential bullet because it's set in present time. I'll exchange "prop" for "screw" now. Thanks for that too.

A sport-boat picks up the drugs, brings it ashore upriver to a mansion, and for the next five minutes things blow up (including the sport-boat and a police launch), bunches of people get killed and the budget wrecked.

The working title, BTW, is "The Dime." The lead is female and attractive - for a lawyer - but a "Hooters Girl," I don't think so, darn it.

Since I'll never meet most of the readers (an industry title) reading this thing, if one of them knows anything about boats and spots an error, my creditability takes a hit. They look for any reason to trash scripts anyway.

Thanks again.

Bill
 
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