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Invites to friends/confused expectations.

5K views 46 replies 31 participants last post by  deniseO30 
#1 ·
This has happened a few times now.
We have a Dock Party, when I send out the invites I make it clear to bring certain things, If it's wine and cheese or if it's Margarita themed. types of food or snacks to bring, etc.

The problem; wine and cheese party , None bring wine. some just brought "whatever' disregarding the theme of the invite. :mad:

Margarita themed dock party, last time.. 5 people brought mix.. but NO tequila, Although salsa and chips seemed to be the only thing many brought.

Do other boat owners have the same difficulty when having a party or outing?
most people want to bring something, but it seems the "friends" that have come out to a party or sail just expect me to cater the whole thing. Now if that were my intent I would say so.

I love to entertain but like most people these days I can't afford to provide everything... what to do what to do? get new friends? :laugher Be VERY specific? and s p e l l out the needs of the party? Gad.. it's not rocket science. :confused:
 
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#3 ·
Sailors are cheap, so are chips and mixes... see a pattern? :)

How about $5.00 each for the bar use and you keep any leftovers? You could also get a few stick-on tags for the ones that pay, that say, "I'm not a cheapskate, I paid." Of course, some would be proud that they aren't wearing a tag.

This has to be a common problem. Maybe someone has an answer.
 
#4 · (Edited)
You own a "yacht", you belong to a "yacht club" of course your non-boating friends expect you to cater. Either be more specific, (Margarita Party, we supply lime wedges and plastic glasses, BYOB) or just invite other boaters, they'll either bring something or reciprocate, probably both.
For every drink I've given a dockmate I've received two in return, cast your bread upon the water lovers.
 
#5 ·
Hm, the theme from your experience with themes seems to be that people don't bring alcohol when requested. The part of my brain that handles etiquette basically cannot process this problem at all, sorry.

Maybe get one or two of your really close friends who can handle the explanation, explain it to them, and hope your other friends figure it out by osmosis?

Alternatively, encourage a rotating hosting schedule. Good hosts make good guests.
 
#8 ·
Have a scruffy looking boat and meet your guests with their own sponges and buckets of soapy water.... Heh heh heh...

But if you make your party a potluck... check who is bringing the entrees and who is bringing the side dishes. Then go from there.
 
#9 ·
Always...always....specify if it is to be BYOB or alcohol provided. If you're throwing the party, it's expected that you will be providing at least basic snacks and munchies, plates, plasticware, cups, ice, napkins and a place to party. Anything else needs to be communicated in the invite:

BYOB
Cash Bar
Keg
$5 per person for open bar
Mixers provided for your alcohol
Please bring food (side item, finger food)

etc......
 
#10 ·
Hi Denise,

Short of getting new friends..I think there's a couple of things that you can do:

If you're willing to do the shopping...just collect money from each attendee.

You might get people who don't drink..ask "why should I pay for alcohol"..
In that case...tell everyone to bring the alcoholic beverages of their choice..otherwise only soft drinks will be provided....then charge for the food and mixers.
 
#13 ·
This has happened a few times now.
We have a Dock Party, when I send out the invites I make it clear to bring certain things, If it's wine and cheese or if it's Margarita themed. types of food or snacks to bring, etc.

The problem; wine and cheese party , None bring wine. some just brought "whatever' disregarding the theme of the invite. :mad:

Margarita themed dock party, last time.. 5 people brought mix.. but NO tequila, Although salsa and chips seemed to be the only thing many brought.

Do other boat owners have the same difficulty when having a party or outing?
most people want to bring something, but it seems the "friends" that have come out to a party or sail just expect me to cater the whole thing. Now if that were my intent I would say so.

I love to entertain but like most people these days I can't afford to provide everything... what to do what to do? get new friends? :laugher Be VERY specific? and s p e l l out the needs of the party? Gad.. it's not rocket science. :confused:
Move countries, or at least move to Australia. No one will ever go to a party without more alcoholic beverage and contributions than they will consume. The concept of making sure that you are welcome by "knocking with your elbows" is entrenched. And if you don't know what that means then you are not an Aussie.
 
#15 ·
Move countries, or at least move to Australia. No one will ever go to a party without more alcoholic beverage and contributions than they will consume. The concept of making sure that you are welcome by "knocking with your elbows" is entrenched. And if you don't know what that means then you are not an Aussie.
absobloodylutely ... and if you don't you its unlikely you'll be asked back.
 
#18 ·
I think it is not right to show up to a friends party (of any kind) and not bring at least as much beverage (of your own choice) that you will drink, if not more.
It sounds as though I might fit in down in Australia.
I think you are just going to have to spell it out a little more Denise.
How about: "If you want to enjoy a drink then bring some alcohol." Expanded version of BYOB.
 
#22 ·
I hate to say it, but it sounds like you have cheap and/or inconsiderate friends. I know times are tough right now but...

If the invitation doesn't clearly spell out my responsibilities, I email or call and ask what I can bring to help out.

Upon my first invitation aboard the boat of a new friend, I always present the skipper with a bottle of port or rum.
 
#26 ·
Our marina has weekly potlucks, the invite reads "...bring whatever you're drinking, a dish to share, and your own flatware/plates.." OTOH, we *hosted* a party and told people, "...no, this one's on us, we're providing sandwiches, munchies, rum, wine, beer, vodka, lemonade" and still people brought side dishes to share and presented us with many bottles of drinkables. So, it sounds like your friends are cheap, or dense.
 
#27 ·
I always bring the little umbrellas for the drinks ;)

Seriously though, state what you're providing and offer some recommendations for what others should bring. Wouldn't hurt, if you have a bulletin board or other means of viewing for everybody to have a "signup sheet" with what they are bringing. Helps cut down on everyone bringing the same thing.

Have to admit though, your group there sounds like the exception to the rule as far as bringing stuff.
 
#29 ·
Well in Singapore the host assign "duties" to invitees. We always ends up more than we can consumme. That's better than not enough. Some invitees are good at getting or preparing certain food or drinks so that helps in the organising. That's their speciality. :)
 
#30 ·
Unless you're throwing parties out in the boonies somewhere, how hard would it be to simply ask those that come empty handed to make a run to the store when supplies start running low?
On the other hand, if you invite someone that you know is in dire financial straits, then you should look at it like loaning money. Do it with a smile and don't expect to be repaid. Or don't invite them at all.
 
#31 ·
I think I distinguish between a party that I'm *hosting* and a potluck that I'm *organizing.* In the first case, I've invited people for the pleasure of their company, and I'm providing the food and drink. (Courteous guests bring a bottle of wine for later, or flowers, etc). In the second, everyone is expected to contribute to the event (may be necessary to assign who brings dessert, who brings appetizers, etc)
 
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