In the heat of the race, it is acceptable to make it clear that want an order followed. You probably did the best possible.
However, prior to the race, there should have been a deliberate briefing on who will give tactical orders. For that matter, it should be discussed exactly what everyone's role will be. That could then be referenced prior to having to yell.
I probably wouldn't invite that crew back, because it should be fairly evident that the owner trumps the guest. Duh.... If you do want/need the crew back, then asking her how she thought it went may be the best ice breaker. But make your desire clear going forward. The crew then gets to decide if they want to play by those rules.
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In the harsh marine environment, something is always in need of repair. Margaritas fix everything.