Joan and I rebuilt and simplified a beautiful 50' cutter with plans of ultimately living on board on in the Carribean during the New England winters. She had a lot of coastal cruising on a prior 35' sloop and is a good coastal pilot/navigator. She took the Colgate cruising classes and read "It's Your Boat Too" etc. After 8 years of the cutter, which included a month on board in mid-coast Maine each August, we discovered the following: She likes sailing in sunshine between the hours of coffee and cocktails. She does not like standing night watches. She does not like wet or cold or tired. She likes nice dinners and drinks on the hook in a harbor. And in her words, she likes "being sailed, not sailing."
After 34 years of marriage, it becomes a choice for the cruising dreamer (who is usually the male in the marriage.) I chose to sell the 50' cutter and am about to buy a 28' sloop that I will solo around the coast. She will tend to her gardens/golf/whatever and join me for several days at a time, if/when she choses (weather window...!)
For me, sailing, like marriage, is a mix of compromise and desire.
Good luck; it isn't easy.
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