Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: New York
Thanked 39 Times in 39 Posts
Rep Power: 4
Re: can I afford to continue sailing
Okay, this is coming from a wife’s point of view and I may be COMPLETELY off track but I have a few questions about your post:
First you say, “So at the end of this season my wife tells me she cant justify the dock fees associated with ME having a sailboat and she dosn't think WE can afford it next season . . . I went out 25 or more times . . .” Did you just fall into the first person on the sailing part or is this a family adventure? Are you using the sailboat alone? If so she may be feeling as if your hobby is taking both funds and time from the family, and with two small children I can imagine she’d appreciate your spare time being spent at home. If this is family adventure, then ignore everything I just said.
Second, you say, “. Now I have about 5 months to get her to change her mind on this or were going to have a serious disagreement. I'm not willing to give up sailing.” I understand your passion and please understand that this is coming from a woman who’s jumped through hoops to keep her husband sailing because that’s his passion as well. But marriage is a partnership and neither of you should be coming to the discussion with a refusal to budge—not unless you’re willing to break up the partnership.
Have you discussed your family budget? Are there bills that aren’t being paid because of your hobby? Are there necessary purchases (new car to replace a junker, shoes for the kids, paint for the house, etc) that aren’t being made because of your hobby? Don’t get me wrong—it’s fine to sacrifice for a dream but sacrifice is tough if you don’t share the dream. You mention the dock fees but I think we all know that’s far from the only expense for a boat owner. Take a realistic look at what you’re spending on this hobby before you have a budget discussion and be sure to include time away from your family (if any).
Oh—and I read the rest of the chain before posting this and found that she doesn’t like sailing. I agree with the posters who suggested that heeling doesn’t endear a newbie, particularly one with small children in the boat to worry about. And please don’t suggest to her that she’s controlling you if she complains about heeling, because she very likely feels exactly that way about you—that you’ve talked her into coming along and then won’t consider her feelings and put a proper reef in the main. And yes, that is an issue for me and I’ll never understand why my husband insists on making me sail with fear when it would be just as easy to add a reef and both of us enjoy the sail. Of course, that may not be the issue with you and forgive my little rant if it’s not. :-)
Wow. A lot of good female persective there.