First Boat Strategy - reluctant wife HELP???

[scottbr]

Originally Posted by hazmat17

We actually get out on my parent's boat fairly often, (pobably slept on the boat about 12 nights this year + a few daysails) It seems it's harder to make time to spend the whole weekend on the boat.

But do you get on the boat by yourselves without anyone else on board. She may be hesitant on the boat with others watching and offering advise ( MIL) and does not have the confidence in her abilities. Maybe a few trips with just you, her and your daughter would build her comfort level with the big boat and progress to wanting a boat for yourselves.

As far as " second mate" status, I jump into the galley as much as possible to cook or clean up, same as at home ( I also do the "fun stuff" at home with a total kitchen gut and rebuild on the go right now). It's more fun for the both of us if we share the cooking / cleaning duties. I enjoy spending the time with her as we get meals ready and clean up together or we'll let each other take a break and do their own thing while the other does the chores. Makes the trips more fun.

You'll have to determine why she is hesitant on buying the bigger boat.... financing, commitment, confidence, or resentment to the parents boat???

[hazmat17]

We talked about it a bit this weekend. She seems in favor of a large daysailor so she can work on her boat handling & sailing skills. She's admitted to being intimidated by a larger vessel. And, while perhaps intimidated by my mother sailingwise, enjoys being "pampered" (Mom is a fantastic cook, even on the boat) while cruising with my parents. Besides, she figured it is good quality time for the granparents & grandchild to spend together (can't argue that).

Thanks again for all the advice. I'll have to see if she's interested in the "sailing school vacation". She does have a desire to go to the Carribean... Better get my passport renewed.

[Sasha_V]

I can relate to where you are at.

A couple of suggestions form a man that has been there.

SHE NEEDS TO FEEL RIGHT ABOUT THE BOAT THAT GETS PICKED. Surprises are not a great idea, unless...and this is a very thin unless, she decides on a make and model of boat, and you then source the particular hull without her...MAYBE. (Danger, will robinson, danger danger!)

Second...NOT YET. Her main problem at the moment is that you know you know more about sailing then she does and are more confident on one level...but I am betting she still feels moments of being overwhelmed and having lots depending on her without feeling like she has a firm footing in what she is doing.
From our point of view it is "I told her exactly what needed to be done and how and when to do it, how hard can it possibly be?"

It looks different to her. Really.

My suggestion is talk to her about her getting enrolled in a sailing course in keelboats. DO NOT DO THE SAEM COURSE AT THE SAME TIME. She needs to fly and flop and pick herself up solo. Humiliation and sailing go hand in glove for men and are the source of neccassary amusement and stories. It is not often the same for women.

Once she has done a couple of coastal nav and coastal skipper courses (so that at some level she can confidentaly and somewhat competently do at least everything that you can), then start looking for a boat.

My advice is start small. 24-26 feet is ideal...And repressents a small financial pothole instread of a gaping crevasse if the entire notion should go awry.

While you may know a lot about sailing, boat ownership is a very great deal more. Paying mooring fees and insurance and registration and such all adds up...And that is before you get into replacing, upgrading and maintaining hardware and systems on the boat. Go small, at least at first.
Having said that, pick a rock solid and stable, sure footed 24-26. Fear of your own boat should not be part of the excitment of sailing for anyone on board.
A strudy GRP keelboat with an inboard motor (why an inboard? You wife needs to feel she can drop sails and get the engine in position and started in case "something" goes badly wrong and it is all up to her. If the outboard motor is in the stowed away position, it will prey on her mind, if it is left in its mount it will kill the boat's performance and sailing characteristics).

Consider putting this forwards as a big adventure that is really important to take for you and the family. Concede that it may not work out, but agree to make contingency plans for how to drop the boat for the least possible financial blow (do not even pretend that you will make a profit. You might..but it would be like promising to win the lottery, you can't know it in advance)

Hope some of those random thoughts helped. I am currently sick as hell, coughing up a lung and running a tempreture you coudl barbeque on...so my advice may be a little random.


Sasha

[Sasha_V]

...And being sick also means that I type slowly...apparently.

[CapnHand]

Hazmat, It's hard to be happy when your wife isn't. Good luck with the dinghy. Many start that way and move to larger boats, some find it to be enough.

[deniseO30]

Guess I'm just wierd.. smaller boats are not all that easy to handle. You gotta sit most of the time.. you can't sprint around the decks fore and aft. you can't stand in the cabin. Handling a tiller and outboard and going forward to reverse aren't any fun either! Gimme a 30' or larger anytime!! Yes! way way more cozy and safe feeling too!

[camaraderie]

Denise...Amen!! 52 feet is even better, cozier and safer.(g) My feeling is always buy the biggest boat you can afford to keep if cruising is the goal.

[max-on]

I agree, except for docking, usually a bigger boat can be less intimidating under sail as it is more stable and things happen slower.