Thanks everyone, I have checked the boats you've mentioned. The 409 is nice, not sure about the Dehler with all the cables on the floor of the cockpit, C&C and the Fist 40seems a bit to narrow... Anyway. I understand that sailboats are slow, and I won't let go racing my Lotus 23B. Racing in the summer and sailing in the winter. I'm just affraid that everytime I will see another sailboat , I will try to pass him... But since my wife is part of the sailling adventure,(we plan to cross the ocean ) I guess I will have to compromise on the speed. So What I'm really looking for is a fast, luxury, ocean cruiser, easy to sail, around 200K. Did I mentioned that we have 5 kids, (don't worry we don't plan to bring them along all the time). Monday we will be at the boat show in Toronto, and will visit a bunch of sailboats for the first time. I will get back to you with my appreciations later on.
Let me tell you something that I have learned with time and sailing in different modern sailboats:
Sailboats are slow if you compare them with a car and a car is slow if compared with an airplane but, as Marty have said, the sensations you can get on a sailboat are not with accordance with that slowness, the same way you can have much more vivid sensations in a car comparing with an airplane that is way faster.
Between sailboats a 1K difference is a lot and you can say that is nothing but that is not what is more important between a Dehler/Dufour 40e and a Oceanis (Benetau) it is the sensation you have at the wheel. You should understand that very well. The sensation yo got at the wheel of your little Lotus has nothing to do with the sensation you have on the wheel of a modern turbo diesel BMW sedan even if the two can go at the same speed. That's about it that I am talking about (and in what regards the boats they will not go at the same speed).
And you will want to catch any boat that appears on the horizon, I can tell you that.
Probably I am not very different from you, I have raced motorcycles for more than 10 years and I drive a tuned up Mr2 so it is possible that I know what you would like as a boat. I am also a family man and the boat was part of the my kid's education. I would say that if you can afford it a cruising boat with a sportive character would be what serves you better. From the ones You can have there probably the better (at a lower price) is a Dufour 40e or the new Dehler. Both are more expensive than the Benetau or the Jeanneau.
The Dehler is by far from the three the better offshore boat and the one I would chose if I wanted to sail a lot offshore. It is also from all the boats (with the exception of the Hanse) the one that have the poorer designed interior even if the quality is probably better than the one from Benetau.
I did not say nothing about the First because the First 40 has in my opinion two capital defects has a cruising boat: Very insufficient outside storage and not a decent anchor locker. In what regards sailing characteristics is not very different from the Dehler, including in its offshore capability (very good).
If you don't chose the right boat now you will find it later and to change for the right boat you will then waste a lot of money. You should try both types of boats, I mean Bavaria/Benetau type and Dufour 40e/Dehler 41 type and then you would understand precisely what I am trying to say. Charter is a good way to do it.