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  #21  
Old 08-30-2006
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sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice
Just remember... you need to involve your wife...not bludgeon her into doing what you want her to. It will work much better if she is an active and willing participant.
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Telstar 28
New England

You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

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  #22  
Old 08-31-2006
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Today my wife went into town shopping with her mother. I was at home reading all these posts and started thinking "What am I doing, I could be on the boat right now". So I grab my things and head out there for a day of solo sailing. Once there my wife calls and says "where ya at?" I said "At the lake.". She started the lecture of going out there by myself stuff, but ended in "just be careful". I get the boat all ready. Taxi out of the marina with decent wind. Hoisted the sails. Wind dies to 1 kt with maybe 3kt gusts. I couldn't believe it. Stayed out there for 3 hours with no change, and finally just motored back in and took a swim.

I get home and my wife started saying "I am mad at you"(jokingly). I said "why?". She said "Because I wanted to go to". I said "Really?" She said "Yes, but I was going to go with you tomorrow, but now you already went so never mind now"!! We both laughed but I know I still am not going to get to go tomorrow.. haha
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  #23  
Old 08-31-2006
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sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice
And tomorrow, you'll probably have enough wind to sail..
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Telstar 28
New England

You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

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  #24  
Old 08-31-2006
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Hi Zevirii! Your passion for sailing is wonderful. We (my husband, me, and our 2 daughters ages 7&4) are moving aboard our boat in about 2 weeks. I have come a long way to get to this point. I have always loved being on the water. We have been very fortunate to have spent the last 5 years sailing and cruising around the Pacific Northwest with our friends that live aboard with their 2 children (they have mostly been raised on the boat). My husband has always been interested in living aboard and cruising, and it took some time for me to get there. He has been very patient for me to "come around". Having that room to make my own decision made a world of difference for me. Here's a couple of things that made all the difference in the world for me: 3, 1 to 2 week cruises around the San Juans (WA) within approx. 2 years. We had our kids with us and our friends had thiers and even with the chaos it was amazing to see how well our children took to it. The other big thing was taking a sailing coarse. I felt I could finally contribute while on our boat (we had a 28 ft. Sun Yacht). It really clicked for me after I took the sailing class.

I'm not trying to say that this is what will change your wife's mind, but rather, the steps I took that worked for me. I think the best thing you could do would be to not push, keep sailing those day trips and overnighters, and charter or find friends that you can cruise with for a week or so. One other idea would be to bring another adult along while you sail, so your wife can participate more and still have someone to watch the munchkin(s).

When we bought our 28 ft. boat, our youngest was about 5 months old. There were periods that we could go sailing no problem, and others where it was just too hard with the kids. Many times I thought to myself, "there's no way we could live on a boat. Our friends are crazy for living aboard with kids!" Now look at us!

Best wishes,
Shari
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  #25  
Old 08-31-2006
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sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice
Shari-

Just curious...what size/brand/make boat are you moving onto??
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Telstar 28
New England

You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

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  #26  
Old 08-31-2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zevirii
I know my skill level and cash level will prevent me from taking a long cruise in the near future. I simple want my wife to enjoy going out every free day we have, yet she looks at it like a chore to go. She enjoys herself once out there, but getting her to go out every week is a pain.
Zev - Any chance that it is a chore? I'm keying on the fact that you say she has fun once you're out there. So if its fun, why doesn't she want to go more often? Is she dreading the extra workload from those getaway weekends? The cruising world seeems to divide jobs into "pink' and 'blue' along very traditional lines. Esp. with small kids, is it truly more work for her? Like, who packs for the trip, makes the meals, and does the laundry when you get home? How to de-link the fun of sailing, with the work of also maintaining your everyday life back on land? Just a thought - I noticed you got more comments from guys than women with your Q.

That may not be your situation, but I'm surprised at how many couples I know that are pretty even about the division of labor on land, slip into 'traditional' roles on the boat. he's on deck, sailing with the wind in his face, she's down below in the galley (and its a lot lessfun there...)

Shari - We LOVE living aboard! Welcome, and congrats!

Last edited by eryka; 08-31-2006 at 01:58 PM.
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  #27  
Old 08-31-2006
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When I was still married, my wife also began to feel like the boat was a bit more work than she would prefer. Over time our roles shifted from something like an equal partnership, to me getting the boat cleaned up, fully loaded and ready to go so that she basically just had to step aboard and go. Once under way I did the majority of the sailing, nav and maintenance functions plus the cooking. She took the helm when she wanted. We split the remaining 'pink functions' such as dish cleaning and bunk making. In other words the idea was that was easy for her to come along for the ride. From my perspective, it was kind of like sailing with a passenger, which frankly was acceptable to me, certainly beating the alternative. By the same token, my wife had pretty much completely lost interest in daysailing, so I began doing a lot of single-handing or sailing with friends.

Jeff
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  #28  
Old 08-31-2006
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Sailing Dog- We are moving onto a Transpac 49. It is on it's way from Hawaii as we speak. It's about 5 days out from the washington coast.

Eryka-Thanks for the welcome! I agree with everything you were saying. I am staying at home with the kids, so all the prep and clean up work would often fall on my shoulders (no one's fault, it was just that my husband wasn't home from work enough to do the other stuff). This was especially true while the kids were younger. It wasn't until I took a sailing coarse that I felt I could really be a part of the experience of sailing (wind in the hair . It made the prep work less of an issue knowing I would be truly participating.

Jeff- You've got a good point. If you don't feel you're an important part of the boat, whether it be prep work, clean up, or cooking, it can really detatch a person from the boat.

Zev- I hope all the info doesn't overwhelm you! Finding a way that your wife is both comfortable and sometimes challenged with the boat would be key. Keep us updated on how things are going!

Shari
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  #29  
Old 08-31-2006
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sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice
Congrats Shari.... love to see some photos of it when you get on board.
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Telstar 28
New England

You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

If you're new to the Sailnet Forums... please read this
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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Still—DON'T READ THAT POST AGAIN.
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  #30  
Old 09-01-2006
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We both pack everything equally, and load the car and boat together if not more me doing this than her. However I guess the "chore" part of it is we live 75 miles from our marina. So this makes for a hour or so drive one way. Once there we have to unload and haul everything like a couple of football field lenths to our boat due to low water right now. With my 2yr old son there are extra bags, plus the tools and such I have been bringing to get some of the work I need to do. Time the trip is over it takes almost 5 or 6 hours of travel packing/unpacking clean up for 5 or so hours of sailing.

When we bought the boat the idea was to daysail for me once a week and overnight once a month. But after the work involved getting to and from the lake she would rather just overnight once a month and skip the day sailing.

I know some people are like "why not move closer?". The answer is babysitters/cost of living. We save alot of money living where we are in a small town were she grew up at. Problem is everything is 1 hour away. However I figure some of the expenses out and I think we could liveaboard a larger boat for the same price we are living at now. Only problem is child care when we our @ work.

Oh well, I will just take it slow as sugested. See if I can turn the overnighters into 2 or 3 days once a month and see if that makes up for the packing/unpacking. I know if I had a freshwater shower onboard she would love the boat that much more! haha
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