Here .. Pull this
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Well if you are going sailing, there will obviously be beer involved. And if there are more than two people, we're talking at least 80 to 100 beer, so the solution is quite simple.
Buy cans instead of bottles, and leave the cans attached to each other with those plastic collars they come in. Buy some duct tape. Set out on your trip and drink at a standard pace. Make sure you have chili for lunch, and don't throw the empty beer cans at the powerboaters as you would normally do. Keep them on board.
When you arrive at your anchorage, use the duct tape to seal the tops of the cans, and then duct tape the cans together to form a raft. Because of your forethought in not separating the cans from each other, you will only have to tape 1/6th as much.
When the raft is assembled launch it over the side. Then select the most powerfully flatulent member of the crew (this is why you had the chili) and place them in the water holding on to the stern of the raft, facing the bow. This person will function as your engine (think airjet). If necessary, suggests he shoves a cork in it until it's time to depart, as you don't want to waste all that raw energy.
Next, select two members of the crew who fart at a fairly similar velocity, but with less force than the fool hanging off the stern. These will function as your steering oars (unless they are real party girls in which case they might better be termed steering whores).
Finally, climb on board yourself, being careful to strap any and all remaining beer to your back (you'll need fuel to get back to the boat) and tell buddy on the arse end to let the cork fly. Maintain your curse - or course rather - through judicius emissions from either port or starboard whore - sorry oar, as required.
Last edited by Sailormann; 03-17-2007 at 10:02 PM.