Life Choice Crisis - Call for Adages & Wisdom

[magnusmurphy]

One comment to Great White I do want to add. You seemed to think your window of opportunity with the children is till about 12 years. Well, I disagree. We took our children (two girls who were 12 and 14 at the time) cruising for a year and although they were hesitant in the beginning, they didn't want to come back. We have been back a year and are planning to leave for two years, next year, this time with 14 and 17 year old girls onboard. They will be doing home schooling through a distance education center which is perfectly set up for this and has quite a few cruising teenagers on their list. Most of these kids ended up going to universities and are doing very well. I'm fortunate that my daughters are very good students and have the work ethic that we don't have to do anything - just give them the means with which to work. This will mean we'll have to plan our schedule around getting frequent WiFi access and having the grade 12 one be able to fly back home for diploma exams, but these days with SkYpe, pc anywhere etc, educations can be done really anywhere.

Our girls have not stopped asking to go cruising again since we got back home. Their attitude now is: Our friends can come visit us in paradise....and if we really miss them we can Skype...

For us, the relationship changes into friendship and somewhat more of an equality than would be the case at home. They interact with our cruising friends, take responsibility etc. For me as dad especially as the primary breadwinner at home, the time spent with them 24/7, is more precious than anything else I can think off. That's what I've missed most since being back - the intimate way we were part of each other's lives while on the boat. Far from apparently resenting it, our daughters seemed to revel in that as well. Our relationship still is much better than many others and we have far fewer hangups (I think).

And besides, if there are any male boys around I don't like, I can just declare some sort of wheather emergency and pull up the anchor.....ha ha....

So, cruising does NOT have to stop when the kids turn 12!

Magnus Murphy

[GreatWhite]

Regarding all there great adages and stories about finances, what I do hear and believe myself is that although most of the time it seems that if one stays locked into their job and a life of financial security: no risk is taken and little is gained.

One thing that has happened to me as I prepare to take the plunge is that I have returned to focus on my personal development which feels...great. I am not resting on my laurels, I am now working to make my self more marketable, more valuable and improve my skills so that when I return from cruising (or not) I could at least act as a private consultant or be more valuable to my current employer so I will hopefully have the option to come back.

I really see this whole process as improving my life in every way!

[AKscooter]

Well dude those are some rough times for ya!!! Seriously, we have all been in relationships that require some compromise but there is a joke I tell at my office that always puts things in perspective. Two lovers are on a park bench and they are telling each other sweet whisperings. the girl asks her beau, how much do you love me? The beau replies, I would swim the deepest ocean for you. The sweet lass thinks for a moment and says, is that all? I would climb the highest mountain for you, the beau replies. The sweet young gal says flashing her lovely lashes, would you die for me? The dashing beau thinks for a moment and replies. No dear, my love is the undying kind.

/bad joke
//but seriously, life is too short to hang with people so miserable in their lives.
///Whatever direction you choose makes sure it is your destination too.

[Jim H]

Originally Posted by GreatWhite

Regarding all there great adages and stories about finances, what I do hear and believe myself is that although most of the time it seems that if one stays locked into their job and a life of financial security: no risk is taken and little is gained.

Good thread, and lots of interesting replies.

What I find is common, however, is that "going cruising full time" is fairly romanticized, while "ocean sailing for four weeks a year" is presented as a poor, weak substitute.

As I read more of the sailing quarterlies here in the UK (from the Cruising Association, from the Westerly group, from the Rival group, and more), you realize that cruising successfully, for four weeks a year, with pre-teen children is a decent and rewarding achievement in itself. It's a life-long touch point for the kids, it changes the nature of your family, and the achievements can be remarkable.

That type of cruising (for example, two weeks to Holland and back) is also something that is achievable by a middle income family, with an older boat, experience and a will to do it. Many of the sailing mags around here are about how to pick up a boat for very little, fix it up, and then go sailing and cruising safely. (An added benefit is not having to quit your job, sell your house, spend your savings, lose your health insurance, etc.)

When I read books by Liza Copeland and others, who did cruise full-time with their kids, even they sent kids home for high school years and the like, because the overall effect of long-term cruising for kids can be a two-edged sword. Not just from a socialization viewpoint, but from the idea of them having summer jobs to save for college.

My two biggest financial concerns regarding cruising full time with kids having nothing to do with my own retirement or returning to work after the cruise. The two real problemis having family health insurance for 2-6 years while cruising, and then having something saved up to help the kids with their college costs when we return. Even state colleges today (and five years from now) could put a kid seriously into debt with college loans.

Anyway, keep things in perspective, and celebrate the cruising you've done and can do even if you keep working. Yes, we could all die tomorrow for one reason or another, but that doesn't take away the cruising we did two weeks ago, or last summer, or for the last five years.

Good luck!

[TQA]

Tania Aebi took her kids cruising. Read about it on Boat US logs.

BoatUS Cruising Logs

IMHO the time to go cruising is NOW. Just find a way and go. I took a chunk of retirement early and went cruising for 7 years when I was in my early 40s. Best thing I ever did. Met a few boats with teenagers on board and they seemed well adjusted to the saailing life.

Maybe the principal danger with taking kids sailing is they realise that there is more to life than the 9 to 5 grind for 40 years.

[MoonSailer]

Vacation the problem in the USA is you either work 50 weeks a year or are unemployed. People can't fit that nice month long sail into their lives without quitting their job. Too bad that the USA is so backwards in terms of lifestyle. People should be able to work and also have a meaningful life.

[tommays]

We can choose all the free time we want in the USA and i picked having a nice place to live Vs wondering around

Not that i haven't spent 6 weeks wondering around when i was younger and at some point IMHP wondering around is NOT such a great life

[MoonSailer]

I guess that knowing some europeans where the standard vacation is a month and most companies give 6 weeks makes me a little jealous. A german girl was shocked when I told her that most americans only get two weeks a year. America seems to think that only the rich should have a quality life and that workers should be happy to have a job and forget spending time with family on vacation. No wonder it seems that everyone is taking antidepressants,drinking a lot or using illegal drugs.

[aerie]

Yes, the American mindset is any time away from work is a "vacation." I get tired of correcting people who ask me, "how was your vacation" when I return to work after being on the boat for some weeks. I try to explain that I haven't been "on vacation," living on a boat is my lifestyle. I even ended a relationship once because he saw the time on the boat as a "vacation" and not as a lifestyle choice. It came down to the underlying value of being of service and contributing to society. I suppose most people think living on a boat and cruising is escaping or withdrawing. And then there are cruisers who really can make a diffence in the lives of people they meet along the way. People need to broaden their perspective and accept that we are all individuals and therefore have the right to make individual choices about how we want to live our lives. I'm going sailing....

[tommays]

I choose to work fixing machines on land way back and i enjoy it and hate it here and there i am sure people out cruising hate it here and there also

I have worked to achieve a balance between work and play and were i LIVE which allows me to sail as much as i like (sometimes 4 times a week) with a great group of people between 15 and 91 years old

NON of us own NEW boats and always help each other out on boat projects and there is a pretty massive spread in income BUT the love for sailing is a great equalizer within are area