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  #11  
Old 11-04-2009
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Ah, mea culpa. Can't help you with that question. Hasn't been a problem for us.
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  #12  
Old 11-06-2009
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sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice
If you're already married, then I would highly recommend getting, reading and then giving your wife the book, Changing Course, by Debra Anne Cantrell.
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New England

You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

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  #13  
Old 11-06-2009
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Secret to happiness in a sailing couple - the guy keeps a 4 inch piece of teak in his pocket and whenever his other half asks something less than intelligent, he bites hard on the teak until he is able to patiently answer her question and give encouraging guidance. After a while she will learn - nobody gets it all instantly - and you will learn to hold your tongue until you can respond with respect and compassion.
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  #14  
Old 11-07-2009
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I think the most important thing to do when considering a prospective mate for the sailing life, is to 'sea trial' the prospective mate. You'll save a lot of frustration over finding out after the fact.
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Old 11-07-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sab30 View Post
Living full time in close quarters for a year plus? Sometimes I question how thats possible without killing each other (not literally ) Im interested in hearing how others have worked through this....
Married 26 years, starting our 8th year living aboard, here's the magic secret we learned: when you're never more than arm's length from each other, you have to redefine "privacy." There's no such thing so you give each other virtual privacy. That means, you're going to overhear each other's bathroom noises. Pretend you didn't. You'll overhear each other's cellphone conversations. Don't comment unless invited. If one is on the computer, No shoulder surfing by the other! Don't read of look at anything the other is writing, sketching (insert your hobby here) until invited, etc. That respect for us has been key.

Also, each of us has given each other the right to define their own non-negotiables. Accept without discussion. Our rule is "whatever makes you feel like you're camping out" is a non-starter. You don't have to justify your quirks, and the other isn't allowed to question the quirk. None of this is really any different than how you'd live together on land - it's just magnified in the tiny boat space.

Oh yeah, and in any sailing situation, the one with the more conservative take always wins. If I want to reef and he doesn't - we reef. If he wants to stop early and I hoped to press on - we stop.

I dunno, works for us.
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Old 11-07-2009
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song

i think my wife is trying to tell me something, after i bought my new boat, a pearspn 26 , she keeps singing i will sail my ship alone.
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Old 11-07-2009
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sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice sailingdog is just really nice
Is that why your dentist keeps having to remove splinters from your gums???


Quote:
Originally Posted by osirissail View Post
Secret to happiness in a sailing couple - the guy keeps a 4 inch piece of teak in his pocket and whenever his other half asks something less than intelligent, he bites hard on the teak until he is able to patiently answer her question and give encouraging guidance. After a while she will learn - nobody gets it all instantly - and you will learn to hold your tongue until you can respond with respect and compassion.
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Telstar 28
New England

You know what the first rule of sailing is? ...Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take
a boat to the sea you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps
her going when she oughta fall down, tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home.

—Cpt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity (edited)

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  #18  
Old 11-07-2009
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YES! - - In a more serious vein - patience and "not pushing it" also greatly increases the chances a "wary" wife will take to cruising. Too many of us push the boat and weather conditions to the max before the "new to cruising" significant other has developed a sufficient background in the joys and benefits of cruising. Get her percentages of "good and great" cruising experience up to above 90% before taking her out in "Oh, my gawd, we going to die" conditions.
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Old 11-07-2009
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When my wife and I married she was already well aware of my dreams of living aboard and cruising. We bought our first boat and moved aboard fresh out of college when all we owned could fit in our car. Even though we've lived aboard for almost forty years I probably have little advice for those planning to adapt because we never moved from a house or a large space. It is true that after retirement we spend much more time together, but as posted earlier, we can be close yet independent in our activities. Planning, compromise,- everything is negotiable......the same behaviors that allow for success on land will apply to life on the water. 'take care and joy, Aythya crew
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Old 11-07-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sab30 View Post
Perhaps to clarify..most guys seems to be trying to get their wife to go and mine is already willing and excited for our future adventure. We have owned a boat doing lots of weekends/anchorages and a couple of week+ charters in different locations always having a good time...but....

we always have our own careers friends etc to come back to giving us that time apart....

Living full time in close quarters for a year plus? Sometimes I question how thats possible without killing each other (not literally ) Im interested in hearing how others have worked through this....

Just possibly this year wiull teach you both. To appreciate each other's qualities that much more!.............i2f
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BORROWED, No single one of us is as smart as all of us!
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