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post #21 of 30 Old 11-08-2009
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Originally Posted by sab30 View Post
A lot of comments regarding how to get the "wife" to go on a multi year cruising adventure, BUT sometimes I think to myself that could be the biggest challenge. Little things can get annoying after a couple weeks of too much time together but every minute....every day... together...perhaps this is the reason for the Rum

When you get out sailing, you drop life as you know it right now. At least we do. We are immediately free of stress and the consumer environment and glad to leave it behind. We shift our attention to where it belongs, each other, and those are beautiful days. We are happy to get out on the boat and often save important conversations to discuss them on the boat, free from distractions. I think that there will be a natural settling-in period, but after that you'll both love the union you'll re-discover with each other and the connection to the world, which we do not get at home.
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post #22 of 30 Old 11-08-2009
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Originally Posted by sab30 View Post
Perhaps to clarify..most guys seems to be trying to get their wife to go and mine is already willing and excited for our future adventure. We have owned a boat doing lots of weekends/anchorages and a couple of week+ charters in different locations always having a good time...but....

we always have our own careers friends etc to come back to giving us that time apart....

Living full time in close quarters for a year plus? Sometimes I question how thats possible without killing each other (not literally ) Im interested in hearing how others have worked through this....
For what it's worth: My partner and I have lived together for over twenty years now, almost always in very close quarters. With thanks to those who have given us examples to follow through the years, here are some of the things that work for us.fficeffice" />>>
1. No secrets. Seems simple; after some practice it really is.>>
2. Trust. Naturally follows the above, but takes a bit more time to develop.>>
3. Respect. Boundaries, time, space, and personal. >>
4. Sharing. We tend to share friends, careers, and interests. Many times we take a few minutes while reading a good book to stop and read passages aloud to one another. Not sure why that is such a big thing, but it is...>>
5. Communication. We practice, practice, practice. I really like the previous post about even anchoring and not having to speak, because you know what the other is thinking/going to do. It only comes with being as open as possible at all times.>>
Rereading this sounds kind of preachy... don't mean it to. It has been nice to talk about this ourselves that last day or so and try to define what makes us 'work'. >>
On a practical note: we have our spheres of expertise, and respect the talents of the other in those areas. I am not allowed to apply varnish on anything visible, for instance. We read quite a bit, and when the other is immersed in a good book, that seems to meet the need for 'alone time'. While there are the typical pink and blue tasks, we both can and do both on a regular basis. We do not shy away from expressing ourselves regarding 'small bothers'. Better to keep everything above board, open and immediate.>>
Marie speaking: Why do you have separate spheres now? Is it masking personal differences not readily apparent? Do these 'differences' that do not affect a great personal relationship when given the space on land threaten to disrupt that relationship when confronted an hourly basis in close quarters? >>
We have found that one person cannot meet all/every need of another human being. There must be an understanding that personal needs (of whatever type) need to continue to be met outside the primary relationship, and one cannot assume the responsibility of meeting every need of the other in a relationship. Strategies must be in place, planned for when possible. For example: A trip home, abrupt change in plans, FLEXIBILITY above all. Keep your personal interests active.
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post #23 of 30 Old 11-08-2009
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We have found the secret lies in
the fact that .....She keeps to her half of the boat and I keep to mine...

"Go Simple...Go Large"

Relationships are everything to me..everything else in life are just tools to enhance them.

The purchase price of a boat is just the admittance fee to the still have to spend money on the court one with something going for her with pleasing and desirable character traits others desire as well... or you could find yourself in a disillusioned relationship contemplating an expensive divorce.
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post #24 of 30 Old 11-10-2009
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What a very, very nice post. Thank you- my significant other and I consider ourselves fortunate that MOST of the time we're on the same page. After we completed our first winter onboard a couple of aquaintances said, "Wow, we were wondering if you would make it!" We looked at each other like they were totally nuts! Again, thanks for the insight.
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post #25 of 30 Old 11-16-2009
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Get rid of the wife and singlehand, YOU WILL BE MUCH BETTER OFF
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post #26 of 30 Old 11-17-2009
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Get her to live with the in laws for a few years. The lady referred to as 'The wife" will be quite amenable to any suggestion!!

Destined to fail before it starts imho

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post #27 of 30 Old 12-14-2009
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lots of communication and patience

My friend that I went to sail classes with wanted a sail boat. He was a year or two into his marriage. We, in the mean time bought a 30’ Catalina sail boat. We offered for him and his wife to come by on the 4th to watch the fireworks. They did and she said she could never be again on a boat like this. 1983 Catalina 30’ boat. She wanted a large power boat if she were to ever go out on a boat.
A couple years latter I saw them at the marina, baby in tow. I asked him how he ever got here down here again. He said he waited a bit then got her to a boat show. She saw all the fancy 36’,38’ and 45’ etc sailing boats with the wine and flowers. All spanking new and clean, now bird sh.. etc on them. She said she would go on one of those. He then joined a sailing club. They do all the cleaning and upkeep. That’s why they were at the marina. To go take out the Hunter that was all ready for them. I learned when I wanted to upgrade to a larger boat that I would not show my wife an old bird pooped boat that I saw as a future beauty. I would find a real beauty and then show here. In other words she may not see what you see.
I also read that if you would like to get your spouse interested in sailing take them out on a beautiful 50 something footer on a beautiful day for a day sailing. Remember camping is a lot of work for a woman and she looks at a boat as more camping. I do the dishes and the cleaning and a lot of the cooking. My wife has since learned how to sail the boat! She can dock it etc. She is a bit intimated about it’s size (we did get a 36 footer) that she helped pick out. It can work out and there needs to be lots of communication and patience. Lots of safety for comfort and sailing for comfort not adrenalin sailing. Also a clean comfy head. We have installed a Vacuflush toilet with a house hold size bowel and my wife (and I) love it. The head is real import to the woman in your life be it wife or daughter or whomever.
Hope this helps
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post #28 of 30 Old 12-29-2009
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As new live aboards my husband and I have grown much closer. You have too. We've found we get along much better when we are on the water or in strange places. We rely on each other and it has helped our marriage immensely. We do have our given "jobs". I am the experienced sailor therefore spend more time at the helm especially in unfamiliar waters. We bought two way head phones for anchoring as we can't see each other to use hand signals nor can he hear me, it has made anchoring a breeze. He tends to the engines although I can do most things as well (except going up the mast), as can he (cooking is still questionable). I told my husband about my dream of sailing 1 year after we were married. It took him about 30 seconds to warm to the idea although he had never sailed. We visited my dad on his cat and he was sold. When we were looking for our boat we both made a list of what was most important to us. We made very few compromises but found what suited us both best.

By the way, we are both Rum drinkers and rum-thirty comes whenever it's needed, unless we're underway.

Good Luck.
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post #29 of 30 Old 12-31-2009
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Sounds to me like you have a gal that wants to go. What you waiting for? Get on with it.

My gal an I met when I was living on a 26' Grampian. She has 2 kids so it was even more of a thinking procedure when it came time to make the move. Great gal, Great kids so I told her what I was doing (going sailing) and she said immediately, Could she come.. We kept the Grampian for several years and I moved into a house. Ugh. When the time was right (5 years ago) we sold the house and the Grampian, bought a 60' cutter and are heading out southbound late this summer.

We have lived aboard (all 4 of us) for 5 years now and are very happy and content. BOTH kids are heading offshore with us (girl 18 and boy 16).

What I had to do was slow down my dream for a little bit to accommodate what my gal needed (and deserves). Yes, we have a big boat, everyone has their own room and it had to be a sailboat. That was the only criteria I had. Everything else was up to her.

We are putting final touches on her this winter and heading up Vancouver Island in June, around to Uclulet, then Mexico and beyond.

It's the best "waiting" time I have ever had.

You got the girl.. And the time. Have you got the money? (I can show you how to get that too - PM me) Doesn't have to take much. $1,000 a month if your really frugal and like anchoring. $2,500 a month if you're liking a bit more out of your cruise. There are lots of places you may not even be able to spend that much.

Get out here and have fun. And thank your lucky stars that you found a gal that WANTS to do what you do.

There are basically 2 rules to follow..

1) Don't sweat the small stuff
2) It's all small stuff.

That's what life is all about.

the Stone Age

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post #30 of 30 Old 12-31-2009
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'closing in on forty years of living aboard and cruising!

The last house we lived in was our parent's houses & we were teenagers. 'take care and joy, Aythya crew
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