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  #91  
Old 02-06-2012
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Chkm8 is on a distinguished road
Those who Have sailing partners are so Lucky and time makes us all long term students
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  #92  
Old 02-07-2012
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My last thought about the words we use

Okay, it's the internet, and all we have to communicate our message is words. No body language or tone, and no opportunity to observe how your message is being received and adapt or modify accordingly. So the words are particularly important.

Minne is right - it's a vortex. So, someone refers to me in a way I find insulting. Being an assertive kind of person, I say, "Wow, did you mean that that way? I don't like being referred to as a ___, that's pretty condescending." The other person responds one of 3 basic ways. (a) "No offense intended." (b) "No offense intended, and I'll try to remember in the future not to use that term. At the same time, understand that not everyone is as sensitive to that term as you are." (c) "No offense intended, and furthermore, you have no right to feel offended, its just a word and I'll continue to exercise my right to use it."

What two people call each other is just between them. But in a conversation if one objects, then I think regardless of the word, innocent or blatant or anything in between, if the context is (c) you're going to get a reaction.
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  #93  
Old 02-07-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jackdale View Post
Why not do it under sail?
I think she'd be more comfortable piloting the boat under power.

Before we had a boat with a roller furled jib she was my foredeck crew, so she's a really good sport about the whole thing. I want to make sure it continues to be fun for her.
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  #94  
Old 02-07-2012
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Airing your dirty laundry...

I find it comical that some folks choose to air their dirty laundry concerning their marriage on a public forum, then get upset when the stains are pointed out to them. Furthermore, there are some members here who seem to believe a mixed sailing/marriage post can only be answered strictly with a sailing response (always with the same response - get lessons).

Obviously, some of these posters with marital conflict simply want validation, approval, reaffirmation, encouragement and support for their position at their spouse's expense.

Sorry, you came to the wrong place - try a small group at church, your best friend, or a nonjudgmental counsellor. Here, you will get the truth served cold, along with the usual warm and fuzzy B.S. from the feel-good crowd.

If you choose to air your private marital disputes/conflicts in public, you should expect to read a variety of responses, including those that do not agree with or support your view of the world and your marriage. If you do not like it, stop sharing your private matters on a public forum.
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  #95  
Old 02-07-2012
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It is conceivable for spouses to have pet names for each other which they both actually LIKE, isn't it?

The OP wasn't calling any of *us* his Little Lady, so why get all wound up about it?

('Hi!', BTW. My first post is this. *sigh*. I truly don't know what moved me to open in this manner)
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  #96  
Old 02-07-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MattSplatt View Post
It is conceivable for spouses to have pet names for each other which they both actually LIKE, isn't it?
Absolutely.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattSplatt View Post
('Hi!', BTW. My first post is this. *sigh*. I truly don't know what moved me to open in this manner)
Welcome! You must like the feel of flames under your feet.
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  #97  
Old 02-07-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jameswilson29 View Post
I find it comical that some folks choose to air their dirty laundry concerning their marriage on a public forum, then get upset when the stains are pointed out to them. Furthermore, there are some members here who seem to believe a mixed sailing/marriage post can only be answered strictly with a sailing response (always with the same response - get lessons).

Obviously, some of these posters with marital conflict simply want validation, approval, reaffirmation, encouragement and support for their position at their spouse's expense.

Sorry, you came to the wrong place - try a small group at church, your best friend, or a nonjudgmental counsellor. Here, you will get the truth served cold, along with the usual warm and fuzzy B.S. from the feel-good crowd.

If you choose to air your private marital disputes/conflicts in public, you should expect to read a variety of responses, including those that do not agree with or support your view of the world and your marriage. If you do not like it, stop sharing your private matters on a public forum.
How do we get from "My sailing partner (who happens to be my spouse) has different levels of skill/interest in sailing than I do, and I am concerned that this could be a safety concern." to "I am a neanderthalic mysogynist/misandrist who has no respect for my spouse. My relationship is in shambles and I deeply desire that some anonymous, amateur, cyber psychologist intervenes and makes my life better." ?

The OP didn't ask for marital or relationship advice, they asked for opinions regarding the disparity between sailing abilities amongst couples that sail together. This is why they should expect a response that is sailing-related.

In my opinion it is far more responsible to suggest that those with a sailing question for which we may not have an answer should pursue professional sailing training by qualified trainers.
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  #98  
Old 02-07-2012
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At face value, the post concerned the fact that Ms. Kitty was not living up to the Southern Gentleman's expectation of a sailing spouse. The problem: she lacked desire to sail well enough to save herself should he die or become disabled. Obviously, you cannot make someone have desire, so the only reasonable answer is acceptance.

Beneath the surface of the post, there was something else going on. Although the Southern Gentleman paid lip service to Ms. Kitty's competency and abilities, in fact he displayed chauvinism and possessiveness toward her. Her refusal to learn rudimentary sailing when they are, in fact, sailing offshore, may be some act of rebellion against his dominance on the boat. We will never know unless she honestly reveals herself on this forum.
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  #99  
Old 02-07-2012
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Thank you. :-)
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Old 02-07-2012
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i think a much more interesting topic would have been.....could she sell the boat? now that would have brought out the big guns!
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