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  #11  
Old 01-28-2012
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Mine is eager to learn and could easily single hand our Ericson 35-3. She is working on learning the Caliber and we both practice single handing while the other is preparing food or doing some other task on the boat.

What comes natural to me after sailing for nearly 40 years is not as easy for her although she is very smart and understands most things sailing. If I were incapacitated, I know she could handle the boat just fine.

Soon she will have the confidence neccessary to handle the Caliber. It can be daunting though. We have 21 lines led into the cockpit with our cutter rig.
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Old 01-28-2012
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My wife did not know how to sail when we met. Both divorced. She learned on her 50th birthday by taking a week long intensive course on a 43 ft cruiser. I went along too. She insisted that she grind up the main each time. She wanted to know she could do it.

After several days, the instructor, who was a middle aged salty dog, looks over at me, while she is on the winch, and says with his gravely voice and a glint in his eye..... "you're a lucky man"
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  #13  
Old 01-28-2012
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Thank you all for your comments.....

Sailing alone is not an option for me. The boat purchase was a joint retirement decision with the understanding if/when one of us no longer finds sailing to be fun, the boat is on the sales block.

And yes, we have discussed this at length, but presenting the need does not necessarily evoke a response...at least it hasn't in our situation. However, she does enjoy sailing, and doing her thing. She bought the Sailright sewing machine and made jerry can covers, hatch covers, and is now ready to start cockpit cushions. In addition, she investigated and purchased a small pressure cooker (Fagor...what a name!) and has since developed a score of tasty one-pot dinner recipes.

Desire is overflowing in her areas of competency, but totally lacking in the critical "save your life" areas such as return to port. She acknowledges the need but hasn't been willing to address them.

Could it be competition?...maybe. As teenagers, we married after high school, competed fiercely through college and have never stopped challenging each other since then. (she trounced me academically and financially) So, since both of us are competitive, there is a very real possibility that is the core issue. But wouldn't that cause her to demand training from a third party? I have suggested Woman-ship and other sailing courses, but there is no response.

Understand, limiting our cruising to coastal areas does minimize the "exposure" mentioned earlier. But she is more excited than I am about sailing to the bahamas fall 2012!!!

Actually, just verbalizing the issue here and considering your comments has helped clarify that more heart to heart discussion is needed. Thanks!
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Old 01-28-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bchaps View Post

Desire is overflowing in her areas of competency...
Please, please, tell us more!
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Old 01-28-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bchaps View Post
She acknowledges the need but hasn't been willing to address them.
I'm not saying this is how she feels since I don't know her, I'm just putting it out there for consideration. When I'm presented with something that both of us know that I need or should do, but is beyond my comfort zone, I usually retreat into myself until I've shored up my inner bulwarks to get it done. Until *I'm* ready, my response to "You should do/learn how to [whatever]" is mostly silence and no amount of asking will change that.
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Old 01-28-2012
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Sailnet needs a dedicated relationship counseling forum.
Serendipitous and Landgull like this.
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Old 01-28-2012
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have you explained why you want her to know this stuff ?
how about doing a book with step by step instruction on how to get
back to the beach .

maybe every hour list in your log the closest place to sail to for help .
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Old 01-28-2012
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If your taking nominations I would suggest: jameswilson29 + smackdaddy as their so in touch with in between the lines feelings!!... Dale
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Old 01-28-2012
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bchaps, I respectfully submit the problem is not your wife's problem, but yours. You are fearful of being out at sea, injured, or seriously ill, with your wife unable to get you back to port. That fear is your problem.
Two responses to that. The first, to be brutal about it, is that is one of the prices of going sailing. If the price is too steep, stay at home. How boring. The second response is that if you are going to the Bahamas, you will be in good hands. In cruising through the Bahamas I have listened in on two rescues by the Bahamas rescue team. Both times were very impressive, and very efficient. No fuss, no loud voices or hurried speech, just quiet competence. Both times they flew a 172 to the area, spotted the problem and then homed a surface craft in on the 172. If your wife got on the radio with a serious problem, somebody would be alongside in a short hour or so.
Have you played "You have the conn." game with your wife. In other words, you sail the boat, but she gives you the helm orders. Might build her confidence without her having the responsibility. YOU WILL NEED THIS SKILL in the Bahamas, as you navigate the shallows, with her on the bow finding the channel, and you steering at her direction.
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  #20  
Old 01-28-2012
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I think she could but wouldn't want to.. she steers the boat well enough and enjoys that but would not be happy doing so in nasty conditions.. or in a panic situation with me floating off somewhere. But I think she could do it. Like many here, she doesn't routinely dock the boat and that's something we should address.

This thread is a nice nudge to tend to unfinished business!
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