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  #31  
Old 01-28-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oslokid View Post
So we came up with a plan. Put her at the helm... I'll be the lookout (she is shorter) and then use non-verbal signals to get her in / out of docks and I handle all the lines, etc. It took some practice but it has worked out great. It has boosted her confidence and looks pretty cool.
That's pretty much the way we do it too - put the muscle on the foredeck with hand signals and the finesse on the helm . Bonus: so many dockhands are so taken off guard by a woman at the helm they go out of their way to help. As far as your rep at the marina, they give your boat double credit for anything done well, and only half the disdain for anything done poorly. And the hand signals just make you look pro.

PS - welcome to sailnet
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  #32  
Old 01-28-2012
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Practise, practise, practise - nobody knows how it will pan out until the poop actually hits the fan. I know if I tried the 'accidental' sfchallenger suggests it would not be pretty, resulting in a frigid response. We do fender overboard practices TOGETHER and then solo, same with anchoring. Good to see responses to this thread from both view points - I can count numerous superior women sailors in our area, many accompanied by partners that still have lots to learn.
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  #33  
Old 01-28-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sfchallenger View Post
Glad your convo went well. If you aren't already, do regular man-overboard drills. It's best if it isn't planned out, so maybe ask you wife to take the helm, go fiddle with something on the foredeck, 'lose' your hat or something overboard and ask your wife to keep driving while you scramble around downstairs for a boathook you've conveniently managed to misplace somewhere. The best scenario for this would be with you sailing close-hauled with plenty of sea room.

You can come clean after the fact, and then suggest that you make it a regular part of your routine, and include practice starting from all points of sail.
Sorry, but ugh! Manipulative and paternalistic. Your goal is to make her your PARTNER, not to make yourself the superior and her your student or child. If you tried this with me, you'd either be hatless or swimming for it yourself. How about doing the drills together, to understand how the boat behaves? Then each of you does it alone while the other watches silently? Oh, and use a piece of bread as the overboard item - that way there's no emotion if your retrieval is unsuccessful.
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  #34  
Old 01-28-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rugosa View Post
Practise, practise, practise - nobody knows how it will pan out until the poop actually hits the fan. I know if I tried the 'accidental' sfchallenger suggests it would not be pretty, resulting in a frigid response. We do fender overboard practices TOGETHER and then solo, same with anchoring.
Oops, sorry rugosa, posted my response before I saw yours, I agree totally. (It looked like I ignored your post; actually, great minds think alike, and post simultaneously as well.)
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  #35  
Old 01-28-2012
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I'd suggest that MOB drills ought to be a suprise. Because losing someone overboard surely will be. If you can't handle picking up a hat that's fallen overboard, how will you deal with the situation when it's your spouse?
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  #36  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bchaps View Post

...What is lacking is desire! Just as I have no desire to understand simultaneous equations or how to balance electrons in a chemical compound, she has no desire to pick up a sailing book, learn to dock the boat, navigate, or take a sailing course.

...
Am I asking too much? ...should I just drop to my knees and thank the Good Lord she is willing to sail with me and help in all the ways she does? ...or should I be concerned for her well being if "the big one" nails me?

What do you do? Can your First Mate sail/dock the boat?
bchaps, I don't think your analogy is fair: the difference is that you are not embarking on a life that will require you to solve simultaneous equations or balance electrons. She *is* embarking on a life that requires at least minimal knowledge of navigation and boat handling to keep you both safe.

Glad you feel you've gotten some insight from the varied voices that have responded to your initial post - its a fair question. PS - we loved the sailing in the Bahamas; my avatar is a photo taken off Black Point about halfway down the Exumas chain. In mid-January.
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  #37  
Old 01-28-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wingNwing View Post
Sorry, but ugh! Manipulative and paternalistic. Your goal is to make her your PARTNER, not to make yourself the superior and her your student or child. If you tried this with me, you'd either be hatless or swimming for it yourself. How about doing the drills together, to understand how the boat behaves? Then each of you does it alone while the other watches silently? Oh, and use a piece of bread as the overboard item - that way there's no emotion if your retrieval is unsuccessful.
If I'm understanding you correctly, Jay, I'm not sure that I agree. But, neither do I understand the fake loss of the hat scenario either. Why trick someone into doing the drill? Have an adult conversation and make it part of your regular trip planning, like filling in your log book or checking your systems before getting under way. Maybe plan to have a drill once a month. Maybe I figured out what Jaye meant.

We do the surprise MOB drills in our CG training and on regular patrols to ensure that the crew is really keeping a proper watch as well as to practice the MOB procedure. Perhaps a compromise would be to decide before getting under way that at any time during the trip you'll throw over a decided upon object? We used either a ring buoy or a giant yellow duck with a hook attached to its back until the CG issued us proper MOB mannequins that simulated the weight of an average person.
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  #38  
Old 01-28-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sfchallenger View Post
I'd suggest that MOB drills ought to be a suprise. Because losing someone overboard surely will be. If you can't handle picking up a hat that's fallen overboard, how will you deal with the situation when it's your spouse?
In a perfect world, sure, MOBs are surprises. But bchaps isn't in that perfect world; he's trying to get his wife to the early stages of some significant skills, so you start slow. Walk before you run, and all that.
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  #39  
Old 01-28-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DRFerron View Post
Why trick someone into doing the drill? Have an adult conversation ... Maybe I figured out what Jaye meant.
Yep, you did. Exactly.
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  #40  
Old 01-29-2012
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"teaching" your significant other

Being an instructor in a relationship can be fraught with peril, especially if you, yourself, are not truly an expert.

I taught my wife to drive a manual. She actually enjoys it now and prefers a car with a stick. But I was a car FANATIC, followed racing, could effortlessly do heel and toe downshifts, and generally knew more than the average schmoe. My knowledge was more than adequate and I had the patience to work with her.

My ability to teach her sailing is not nearly the same thing. I just don't have the proficiency myself to teach her. When we get our boat (completely ashore at this time), as our experience grows, I know she will add to her repertoire of skills, just as I will.

Tankersteve
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