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  #11  
Old 02-08-2012
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Maybe you could get her started on a few blogs about people living aboard and their travels. That's what did it for me. When my husband first suggested us selling all our things and sailing away into the sunset I was intrigued but totally clueless and scared sh*tless because I had no idea of what something like that might actually be like. Then after reading the Slapdash logs for a few months I was ready to pack my bags and go.
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  #12  
Old 02-08-2012
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this is your problem! no one can solve it but you,some women take to sailing some don't.if she don't and you insist don't be surprized if you end up washing your own socks,long time mariages work best if you have your thing and she has hers,"she don't toe the mark and i don't walk the line"
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Old 02-08-2012
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Mariage is a partnership,50/50 means it takes two! Keep pushing and when it doesn't work out it will be all your fault!===Dale
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Old 02-08-2012
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I believe there is a book titled Get Her on Board that may have some tips and hints for you. Personally I'd choose having her meeting up at someplace and joining you there.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_no...+board&x=0&y=0
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Old 02-08-2012
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The boat is amost never the problem... Capt. Bligh is...

I was out there for two years with my wife. I lived on-board with her for another 1.5 years. And she is still with me and wants to go sailing again.

IMHO the biggest issue with women on-board is the loss of power / control. They are suddenly crew for this guy who takes on a new personality once the lines are cast off. You can ignore all the "Admiral" jokes, she is not in charge. My solutions included;

1. Have a staged plan. Do not plan directly for the Keys. Plan for Chesapeake for 3 months, then Marathon for 2 months, Bahamas for 2 months and then then Key West for 3 days (You can guess how much I like Key West). Let her pull the plug at any stage.

2. Give her veto right at the start of any trip. Explain that she has to give any leg of the journey an least two hours and if she still hates it you will turn back and wait for better conditions.

3. Teach her weather forecasting and let her handle the radio (VHF and SSB).

4. Help her get comfortable on night passages.

5. Have her do a Cruising course with a woman skipper. Take that skipper on your boat for a few days to help your wife get comfortable.

6. Try and not be a dick. (I failed on #6 on more than one occasion).
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Old 02-08-2012
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On a half-dozen night trips, my wife hated every minute until I dropped the hook. She was absolutely petrified, and I sincerely do not believe she will ever enjoy a night passage. Me, I love sailing at night and not at all bothered by things that go bump in the night.

Cheers,

Gary
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Old 02-09-2012
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when i saw the title of the post, i thought i had the wrong forum... he he

My buddy came up with what i thought was a fair plan/compromise. As they pondered moving into the life of full time cruisers his wife was a bit skeptical... so they settled on a 3 months out, one month ahsore proposition as a type of trial deal.

I dunno, just saying things dont have to be all or nothing but, as with most things I think, the best route is somewhere in that middle grey area between black and white.

Good Luck,
Q
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Old 02-09-2012
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Talking her into it...

You've gotten a lot of good advice already from folks on the list. (well, mostly)

All I'll say is talk to her, don't ask us. If she wants to do it, she will.

This quote was my favorite from all the answers so far:

"6. Try and not be a dick. (I failed on #6 on more than one occasion)."


How true...most of us do try though.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnightflyer View Post
Hi, I need help. The wife is sitting on the fence, almost ready to take the next step to moving aboard. We do stay on board most of the summer on Lake Erie and sail to all the ports we can get into. But I want to get a bigger boat and sail south down the coast to the Keys for the winter. Do you have any ideas how to get her to let go of the land? She loves the boat and loves to travel. So how about some help.
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Old 02-09-2012
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If you stay aboard for most of the summer, there is something in particular that she doesn't like or fears. Discuss it with her. It's very possible there is a good compromise, as many have suggested. It is also possible there is a non-starter. Find out what you are dealing with before you toss random arguments at her and let us know. We can offer compromises, not wins.

Be very prepared that you may hear something you really don't expect, or if she has no reason, it may simply be a reason she is uncomfortable telling you. Show her you won't be offended or upset by it.
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Old 02-09-2012
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Joan and I rebuilt and simplified a beautiful 50' cutter with plans of ultimately living on board on in the Carribean during the New England winters. She had a lot of coastal cruising on a prior 35' sloop and is a good coastal pilot/navigator. She took the Colgate cruising classes and read "It's Your Boat Too" etc. After 8 years of the cutter, which included a month on board in mid-coast Maine each August, we discovered the following: She likes sailing in sunshine between the hours of coffee and cocktails. She does not like standing night watches. She does not like wet or cold or tired. She likes nice dinners and drinks on the hook in a harbor. And in her words, she likes "being sailed, not sailing."

After 34 years of marriage, it becomes a choice for the cruising dreamer (who is usually the male in the marriage.) I chose to sell the 50' cutter and am about to buy a 28' sloop that I will solo around the coast. She will tend to her gardens/golf/whatever and join me for several days at a time, if/when she choses (weather window...!)

For me, sailing, like marriage, is a mix of compromise and desire.

Good luck; it isn't easy.
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