Talking Her into it? - Page 2 - SailNet Community
 35Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #11 of 34 Old 02-08-2012
Senior Member
 
Serendipitous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 111
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 5
 
Maybe you could get her started on a few blogs about people living aboard and their travels. That's what did it for me. When my husband first suggested us selling all our things and sailing away into the sunset I was intrigued but totally clueless and scared sh*tless because I had no idea of what something like that might actually be like. Then after reading the Slapdash logs for a few months I was ready to pack my bags and go.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Jessica
Muskegon, MI
89' Sabre 34 Targa

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Serendipitous is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #12 of 34 Old 02-08-2012
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,077
Thanks: 1
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Rep Power: 11
 
this is your problem! no one can solve it but you,some women take to sailing some don't.if she don't and you insist don't be surprized if you end up washing your own socks,long time mariages work best if you have your thing and she has hers,"she don't toe the mark and i don't walk the line"
jameswilson29 likes this.
sawingknots is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #13 of 34 Old 02-08-2012
Senior Member
 
Lake Superior Sailor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Eagle River Wi.
Posts: 1,009
Thanks: 0
Thanked 11 Times in 11 Posts
Rep Power: 5
 
Mariage is a partnership,50/50 means it takes two! Keep pushing and when it doesn't work out it will be all your fault!===Dale

Reluctant Lady
Cal 28, 1967
Lake Superior
Where God got it done!
Lake Superior Sailor is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #14 of 34 Old 02-08-2012
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 112
Thanks: 4
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Rep Power: 6
 
I believe there is a book titled Get Her on Board that may have some tips and hints for you. Personally I'd choose having her meeting up at someplace and joining you there.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_no...+board&x=0&y=0
Midnightflyer likes this.
123456Wannasail654321 is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #15 of 34 Old 02-08-2012
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 334
Thanks: 1
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Rep Power: 16
 
The boat is amost never the problem... Capt. Bligh is...

I was out there for two years with my wife. I lived on-board with her for another 1.5 years. And she is still with me and wants to go sailing again.

IMHO the biggest issue with women on-board is the loss of power / control. They are suddenly crew for this guy who takes on a new personality once the lines are cast off. You can ignore all the "Admiral" jokes, she is not in charge. My solutions included;

1. Have a staged plan. Do not plan directly for the Keys. Plan for Chesapeake for 3 months, then Marathon for 2 months, Bahamas for 2 months and then then Key West for 3 days (You can guess how much I like Key West). Let her pull the plug at any stage.

2. Give her veto right at the start of any trip. Explain that she has to give any leg of the journey an least two hours and if she still hates it you will turn back and wait for better conditions.

3. Teach her weather forecasting and let her handle the radio (VHF and SSB).

4. Help her get comfortable on night passages.

5. Have her do a Cruising course with a woman skipper. Take that skipper on your boat for a few days to help your wife get comfortable.

6. Try and not be a dick. (I failed on #6 on more than one occasion).



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


gtod25 is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #16 of 34 Old 02-08-2012
Morgan 33 O.I. Perryville
 
travlineasy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 3,556
Thanks: 3
Thanked 150 Times in 133 Posts
Rep Power: 5
 
On a half-dozen night trips, my wife hated every minute until I dropped the hook. She was absolutely petrified, and I sincerely do not believe she will ever enjoy a night passage. Me, I love sailing at night and not at all bothered by things that go bump in the night.

Cheers,

Gary
travlineasy is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #17 of 34 Old 02-09-2012
Senior Member
 
QuickMick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 1,381
Thanks: 0
Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Rep Power: 6
 
when i saw the title of the post, i thought i had the wrong forum... he he

My buddy came up with what i thought was a fair plan/compromise. As they pondered moving into the life of full time cruisers his wife was a bit skeptical... so they settled on a 3 months out, one month ahsore proposition as a type of trial deal.

I dunno, just saying things dont have to be all or nothing but, as with most things I think, the best route is somewhere in that middle grey area between black and white.

Good Luck,
Q

How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is quite clearly Ocean ~ Arthur C. Clarke

Quinn McColly
Macgregor Venture
QuickMick is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #18 of 34 Old 02-09-2012
kcbillb
 
kcbillb2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 33
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 0
 
Talking her into it...

You've gotten a lot of good advice already from folks on the list. (well, mostly)

All I'll say is talk to her, don't ask us. If she wants to do it, she will.

This quote was my favorite from all the answers so far:

"6. Try and not be a dick. (I failed on #6 on more than one occasion)."


How true...most of us do try though.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnightflyer View Post
Hi, I need help. The wife is sitting on the fence, almost ready to take the next step to moving aboard. We do stay on board most of the summer on Lake Erie and sail to all the ports we can get into. But I want to get a bigger boat and sail south down the coast to the Keys for the winter. Do you have any ideas how to get her to let go of the land? She loves the boat and loves to travel. So how about some help.

kcbillb2
Kansas City
1986 Starwind 19
S/V Transmogrifier
1974 Mutineer 15
kcbillb2 is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #19 of 34 Old 02-09-2012
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Narragansett Bay
Posts: 11,226
Thanks: 46
Thanked 237 Times in 222 Posts
Rep Power: 7
   
If you stay aboard for most of the summer, there is something in particular that she doesn't like or fears. Discuss it with her. It's very possible there is a good compromise, as many have suggested. It is also possible there is a non-starter. Find out what you are dealing with before you toss random arguments at her and let us know. We can offer compromises, not wins.

Be very prepared that you may hear something you really don't expect, or if she has no reason, it may simply be a reason she is uncomfortable telling you. Show her you won't be offended or upset by it.
messer999 likes this.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Jeanneau 54DS

In the harsh marine environment, something is always in need of repair. Margaritas fix everything.
Minnewaska is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #20 of 34 Old 02-09-2012
Senior Member
 
jimmalkin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: MVY
Posts: 232
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 12
 
Joan and I rebuilt and simplified a beautiful 50' cutter with plans of ultimately living on board on in the Carribean during the New England winters. She had a lot of coastal cruising on a prior 35' sloop and is a good coastal pilot/navigator. She took the Colgate cruising classes and read "It's Your Boat Too" etc. After 8 years of the cutter, which included a month on board in mid-coast Maine each August, we discovered the following: She likes sailing in sunshine between the hours of coffee and cocktails. She does not like standing night watches. She does not like wet or cold or tired. She likes nice dinners and drinks on the hook in a harbor. And in her words, she likes "being sailed, not sailing."

After 34 years of marriage, it becomes a choice for the cruising dreamer (who is usually the male in the marriage.) I chose to sell the 50' cutter and am about to buy a 28' sloop that I will solo around the coast. She will tend to her gardens/golf/whatever and join me for several days at a time, if/when she choses (weather window...!)

For me, sailing, like marriage, is a mix of compromise and desire.

Good luck; it isn't easy.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

White Rabbit
Vineyard Haven
jimmalkin is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

By choosing to post the reply above you agree to the rules you agreed to when joining Sailnet.
Click Here to view those rules.

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the SailNet Community forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
Please note: After entering 3 characters a list of Usernames already in use will appear and the list will disappear once a valid Username is entered.


User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?? old-sailer C & C 4 10-14-2011 07:34 PM
Talking the Talk Carol Cronin Racing Articles 0 05-13-2002 08:00 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome