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  #1  
Old 04-09-2014
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What's the right thing to do?

Can I ask, what is the right thing to do?
This morning we pulled up our anchor and (much to our dismay) we had another anchor wrapped in our chain and all kinds of line and chain fouling the anchor, probably a lost island style mooring. Fortunately, we were only going to a dock for fuel and water, so this wasn’t interfering with a planned sail. It was a real mess, but our dinghy was in the water and we knew we'd get it undone, eventually. However, cruisers are often the nicest people and before we knew it, our neighbor had dinghied over to help, and then another. A bit later a third person came over and parked his dinghy in front of our chain. We all told this man, who apparently wanted to help, that it was a precarious place to be. He completely ignored all four of us so we shrugged our collective shoulders and resumed clearing our anchor. We were doing it all very cautiously, vocalizing each move because with all the heavy anchors and ground tackle, it would be easy for someone to get hurt. As we raised our anchor a few inches to alleviate some tension on the line we had attached to the other anchor, the 3rd guy’s dinghy was punctured by our anchor! We all felt badly, but what could we do? We had suggested he move several times!
Some hours later, after we had returned from fueling, this man’s wife came over to our boat with another cruising couple (in their dinghy), saying they now had no dinghy. We offered them ours to use while theirs was getting fixed since we wouldn't need it much the next few days. Ignoring this, repeating that they now had no dinghy, his wife asked for compensation for their dinghy. We told her that we all suggested that her husband move his dinghy, but he wouldn't listen. Her response, "He's deaf!” We had absolutely no idea he was deaf. If we had known he was deaf, we would have (for sure) handled the situation very differently.
I have such mixed emotions about this. I understand that this man wanted to help, but he was in fact nothing more than a spectator. We have had some serious expenses over the last few weeks and we are getting married tomorrow, so we are a bit strapped for cash right now. I would like to avoid any ugliness because of this, so it seems easiest to contribute to the repair, though honestly, I do not feel that I have any moral responsibility to do so, in this case. Your 2 cents worth would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Old 04-09-2014
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Re: What's the right thing to do?

It's not your responsibility for the stupidity of others.

Stop feeling guilty. They are playing you. They are looking for a hand out. To get them a new dinghy will make you an enabler so that they will be able to sucker others.
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Old 04-09-2014
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Re: What's the right thing to do?

well thats entirely possible of course but the guy is deaf right?

did you guys signal him to move? like physically?


sucks all in all...this stuff happens for sure

I think youll know deep in your mind if you think the guy and especially his wife is trying to play you...you kind of get that feeling I find...

I think your offer to lend them your dinghy while they fix theirs is fine, but maybe offer a patch kit or some glue or help fixing it?

seems reasonable to me
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Old 04-09-2014
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Re: What's the right thing to do?

is the dinghy unrepairable?
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Old 04-09-2014
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Re: What's the right thing to do?

I don't believe you have any liability - when someone offers to help they should accept whatever risk there is in it for them. I know I would. If the risk is too high I stay away.

I would not, if I were you, offer the loan of your dink again because now that their motives are clear, they may refuse to give it back.
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Old 04-09-2014
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Re: What's the right thing to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by christian.hess View Post
well thats entirely possible of course but the guy is deaf right?

did you guys signal him to move? like physically?


sucks all in all...this stuff happens for sure

I think youll know deep in your mind if you think the guy and especially his wife is trying to play you...you kind of get that feeling I find...

I think your offer to lend them your dinghy while they fix theirs is fine, but maybe offer a patch kit or some glue or help fixing it?

seems reasonable to me
They are taking it to a reputable repair shop on the island. This hole is only repairable professionally, I'm sure.
"did you guys signal him to move? like physically?" Why would we? We had no idea he couldn't hear us? He just seemed to ignore us. It never occurred to me he was deaf?
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Old 04-09-2014
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Re: What's the right thing to do?

Tough situation, but I agree that they assisted you and took that risk on themselves. You didn't know he was deaf, but he did and should have been especially attentive.
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Old 04-09-2014
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Re: What's the right thing to do?

I'm hearing impaired, and severely so without my hearing aids. Whenever I put myself in a position like he did, where I'm in an unfamiliar situation with strangers, I'm always sure to position myself so I can see when people are talking to me, in case I don't hear them right away. I would expect that he would do the same, especially if he is truly deaf.

Have a couple of nice swigs of rum. If you still feel guilty, offer them $50 toward the repair. Yes, it's a token gift, but at least it's something, and he put himself in the situation.

Good luck with the wedding - I hope the weather is perfect and that it is the beginning of many, many years of happiness and magic.
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Old 04-09-2014
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Re: What's the right thing to do?

It seems more like a visual situation to me, like he should have seen the action and what was coming, but it wasn't there.

I'm leaning heavily toward it's not your responsibility. What is the cost of repair? It could go either way really. He was trying to help you, and I know the kind of unwanted help we often get. I would not. He didn't ask for money the wife did, and she wasn't even there.
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Old 04-09-2014
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Re: What's the right thing to do?

He came to you. You didn't ask for his assistance therefor your not responsible at all and you should make that clear to the mans wife as well. Good luck with the wedding and the rest of your cruise.
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