What's the right thing to do? - SailNet Community
 47Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 70 Old 04-09-2014 Thread Starter
Master Mariner
 
capta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: somewhere in the Windward or Leeward Islands
Posts: 2,192
Thanks: 34
Thanked 109 Times in 104 Posts
Rep Power: 5
 
What's the right thing to do?

Can I ask, what is the right thing to do?
This morning we pulled up our anchor and (much to our dismay) we had another anchor wrapped in our chain and all kinds of line and chain fouling the anchor, probably a lost island style mooring. Fortunately, we were only going to a dock for fuel and water, so this wasnt interfering with a planned sail. It was a real mess, but our dinghy was in the water and we knew we'd get it undone, eventually. However, cruisers are often the nicest people and before we knew it, our neighbor had dinghied over to help, and then another. A bit later a third person came over and parked his dinghy in front of our chain. We all told this man, who apparently wanted to help, that it was a precarious place to be. He completely ignored all four of us so we shrugged our collective shoulders and resumed clearing our anchor. We were doing it all very cautiously, vocalizing each move because with all the heavy anchors and ground tackle, it would be easy for someone to get hurt. As we raised our anchor a few inches to alleviate some tension on the line we had attached to the other anchor, the 3rd guys dinghy was punctured by our anchor! We all felt badly, but what could we do? We had suggested he move several times!
Some hours later, after we had returned from fueling, this mans wife came over to our boat with another cruising couple (in their dinghy), saying they now had no dinghy. We offered them ours to use while theirs was getting fixed since we wouldn't need it much the next few days. Ignoring this, repeating that they now had no dinghy, his wife asked for compensation for their dinghy. We told her that we all suggested that her husband move his dinghy, but he wouldn't listen. Her response, "He's deaf! We had absolutely no idea he was deaf. If we had known he was deaf, we would have (for sure) handled the situation very differently.
I have such mixed emotions about this. I understand that this man wanted to help, but he was in fact nothing more than a spectator. We have had some serious expenses over the last few weeks and we are getting married tomorrow, so we are a bit strapped for cash right now. I would like to avoid any ugliness because of this, so it seems easiest to contribute to the repair, though honestly, I do not feel that I have any moral responsibility to do so, in this case. Your 2 cents worth would be appreciated. Thanks.

"Any idiot can make a boat go; it takes a sailor to stop one." Spike Africa aboard the schooner Wanderer in Sausalito, Ca. 1964.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

facebook.com/svskippingstone
Our Videos;

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
capta is online now  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 70 Old 04-09-2014
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 844
Thanks: 2
Thanked 21 Times in 17 Posts
Rep Power: 3
 
Re: What's the right thing to do?

It's not your responsibility for the stupidity of others.

Stop feeling guilty. They are playing you. They are looking for a hand out. To get them a new dinghy will make you an enabler so that they will be able to sucker others.
benesailor is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #3 of 70 Old 04-09-2014
"Nubile Southern Sailor"
 
christian.hess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Columbus, Ga
Posts: 4,542
Thanks: 185
Thanked 184 Times in 180 Posts
Rep Power: 2
 
Re: What's the right thing to do?

well thats entirely possible of course but the guy is deaf right?

did you guys signal him to move? like physically?


sucks all in all...this stuff happens for sure

I think youll know deep in your mind if you think the guy and especially his wife is trying to play you...you kind of get that feeling I find...

I think your offer to lend them your dinghy while they fix theirs is fine, but maybe offer a patch kit or some glue or help fixing it?

seems reasonable to me

Islander 36 now FOR SALE!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
christian.hess is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #4 of 70 Old 04-09-2014
"Nubile Southern Sailor"
 
christian.hess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Columbus, Ga
Posts: 4,542
Thanks: 185
Thanked 184 Times in 180 Posts
Rep Power: 2
 
Re: What's the right thing to do?

is the dinghy unrepairable?

Islander 36 now FOR SALE!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
christian.hess is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #5 of 70 Old 04-09-2014
Senior Member
 
Omatako's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Auckland New Zealand
Posts: 2,552
Thanks: 1
Thanked 33 Times in 30 Posts
Rep Power: 12
 
Re: What's the right thing to do?

I don't believe you have any liability - when someone offers to help they should accept whatever risk there is in it for them. I know I would. If the risk is too high I stay away.

I would not, if I were you, offer the loan of your dink again because now that their motives are clear, they may refuse to give it back.
downeast450 and darkwater like this.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

__________________

"Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying."

Arthur C. Clarke
Omatako is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #6 of 70 Old 04-09-2014 Thread Starter
Master Mariner
 
capta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: somewhere in the Windward or Leeward Islands
Posts: 2,192
Thanks: 34
Thanked 109 Times in 104 Posts
Rep Power: 5
 
Re: What's the right thing to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by christian.hess View Post
well thats entirely possible of course but the guy is deaf right?

did you guys signal him to move? like physically?


sucks all in all...this stuff happens for sure

I think youll know deep in your mind if you think the guy and especially his wife is trying to play you...you kind of get that feeling I find...

I think your offer to lend them your dinghy while they fix theirs is fine, but maybe offer a patch kit or some glue or help fixing it?

seems reasonable to me
They are taking it to a reputable repair shop on the island. This hole is only repairable professionally, I'm sure.
"did you guys signal him to move? like physically?" Why would we? We had no idea he couldn't hear us? He just seemed to ignore us. It never occurred to me he was deaf?

"Any idiot can make a boat go; it takes a sailor to stop one." Spike Africa aboard the schooner Wanderer in Sausalito, Ca. 1964.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

facebook.com/svskippingstone
Our Videos;

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
capta is online now  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #7 of 70 Old 04-09-2014
Senior Member
 
remetau's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Bradenton, FL
Posts: 780
Thanks: 0
Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts
Rep Power: 7
 
Re: What's the right thing to do?

Tough situation, but I agree that they assisted you and took that risk on themselves. You didn't know he was deaf, but he did and should have been especially attentive.
downeast450 likes this.

Don & Diana
sv Re Metau an HC33t

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
remetau is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #8 of 70 Old 04-09-2014
Asleep at the wheel
 
jimgo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,014
Thanks: 71
Thanked 117 Times in 115 Posts
Rep Power: 4
 
Re: What's the right thing to do?

I'm hearing impaired, and severely so without my hearing aids. Whenever I put myself in a position like he did, where I'm in an unfamiliar situation with strangers, I'm always sure to position myself so I can see when people are talking to me, in case I don't hear them right away. I would expect that he would do the same, especially if he is truly deaf.

Have a couple of nice swigs of rum. If you still feel guilty, offer them $50 toward the repair. Yes, it's a token gift, but at least it's something, and he put himself in the situation.

Good luck with the wedding - I hope the weather is perfect and that it is the beginning of many, many years of happiness and magic.

- Jim
Home: Western Philly 'burbs
1980 Allmand 31
1975 Albacore 15


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
jimgo is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #9 of 70 Old 04-09-2014
first sailed january 2008
 
northoceanbeach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Posts: 1,408
Thanks: 17
Thanked 15 Times in 15 Posts
Rep Power: 8
 
Re: What's the right thing to do?

It seems more like a visual situation to me, like he should have seen the action and what was coming, but it wasn't there.

I'm leaning heavily toward it's not your responsibility. What is the cost of repair? It could go either way really. He was trying to help you, and I know the kind of unwanted help we often get. I would not. He didn't ask for money the wife did, and she wasn't even there.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
northoceanbeach is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
post #10 of 70 Old 04-09-2014
69' Coronado 25
 
socal c25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: So. Cal.
Posts: 288
Thanks: 2
Thanked 13 Times in 13 Posts
Rep Power: 2
 
Dock
Re: What's the right thing to do?

He came to you. You didn't ask for his assistance therefor your not responsible at all and you should make that clear to the mans wife as well. Good luck with the wedding and the rest of your cruise.

"There are those that stand at the shore looking to the sea, wondering, and there are those standing at the helm looking back at shore, knowing." - Kurt Leisenfelder

"Fiberglass shells that let us breathe, let us smell, keep us from going numb"- Kurt (borrowed and modified from- Zookoff)

My Avatar is a pic of my son - Jan 19, 2014.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
socal c25 is offline  
Quote Quick Reply Share with Facebook
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

By choosing to post the reply above you agree to the rules you agreed to when joining Sailnet.
Click Here to view those rules.

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the SailNet Community forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
Please note: After entering 3 characters a list of Usernames already in use will appear and the list will disappear once a valid Username is entered.


User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is there such a thing? nauticalnut Boat Review and Purchase Forum 14 11-20-2011 10:51 AM
What Is This Thing? daydreamer92 Gear & Maintenance 11 03-08-2010 07:15 PM
Could be the next best thing since... GotTheNotion Gear & Maintenance 9 05-15-2007 09:57 AM
what's the very first thing to do? skinjohn Boat Review and Purchase Forum 11 08-03-2006 09:20 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome