Wife won't retire with me.... - Page 4 - SailNet Community
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post #31 of 74 Old 05-07-2014
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Re: Wife won't retire with me....

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Originally Posted by jameswilson29 View Post
Here is a novel concept: ask your wife what she would like to do in retirement! Where would she like to live? What would she like to do?

Treat your wife the way you would like to be treated and communicate your wishes as well, so the two of you can discuss and negotiate, instead of reacting to one parties' demands and expectations.

Every weekend I practice this by asking my wife what she would like to do on Saturday and Sunday. I also tell her what I would like to do. Then we discuss and compromise. I also remember that I want her to be happy...

After all, if your wife is not happy, you will not be happy. This much you learn as a divorce lawyer.

damn those are some wise words...

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post #32 of 74 Old 05-07-2014
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Re: Wife won't retire with me....

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Originally Posted by MarkofSeaLife View Post
My father was 65, just finished work, and waiting 6 months for my Mum to retire so they could sail away on their boat.

He died of a heart attack.
Mum retired all alone.
I got Dads boat.
I was the only winner.
I learned from Dad and retired at 48 on my own boat.
Double winner.
I'm sorry to hear you lost your father so young.

It's a costly lesson - after my mother was diagnosed with lupus in her late 50s I decided I wasn't waiting any longer to get a sailboat. Who knows if I'll even be able to sail when I'm retired?

I'm 40 and I'm still one of the youngest people at my marina. How many people do you suppose waited too long?

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post #33 of 74 Old 05-07-2014
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Re: Wife won't retire with me....

Been divorced 4 years now and already found a couple of good women that would love to retire with me on a boat. And no, I'm not talking about both of them at the same time - just trying to figure out which one would be a better crew (and not sure if sailing solo is not a better option anyway).
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post #34 of 74 Old 05-07-2014
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Re: Wife won't retire with me....

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You would be surprised, then, to see how many marriages end with the empty nest syndrome. They stayed together for the sake of the kids. Now, the youngest goes to college. The two of them look at each other and decide that is not what each wants to see for the rest of their remaining lives. It happens...

Those are the toughest divorces, because they have to divide a lifetime of accumulated property and/or debt and settle support when one party might have stayed home to take care of the kids and household. To the outside world, they looked like they would stay together til death. Lots of resentment and difficulty there.
Very, very true. Happened to me.

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post #35 of 74 Old 05-07-2014
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Re: Wife won't retire with me....

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Originally Posted by emcentar View Post
I'm 40 and I'm still one of the youngest people at my marina. How many people do you suppose waited too long?
Most of them.

I, myself, personally intend to continue being outspoken and opinionated, intolerant of all fanatics, fools and ignoramuses, deeply suspicious of all those who have "found the answer" and on my bad days, downright rude.
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post #36 of 74 Old 05-07-2014
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Re: Wife won't retire with me....

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Originally Posted by blutoyz View Post
I figure I have about 20 years left before I want to hang it all up and the way I spend the only "retirement" I will be able to afford is one with little to no tax
I can't get her to buy in to the concept of a 36-45 footer to live aboard in RI during the summer and take down to FLA for the cooler weather. It seems like the most econimical way to retire to me.

The reason for this post is to get some opinions of those that already do that to some extent and is it as economical as it seems from a desk chair.

What say you...
Considering the timing you describe, having a discussion with your wife at this point is rather pointless considering she will be rather a different person in 20 years than she is now.

Beyond that, and to your question, the transient cruiser life style can be as economical or uneconomical as you make it. You might read some of the books written by others that have moved aboard, such as "All in the Same Boat" to gain more insight. You life/boat can be simple and inexpensive or complicated and (very) costly. Your choice...
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post #37 of 74 Old 05-07-2014
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Re: Wife won't retire with me....

Common goals; right from the start of a relationship.

We have known too many couples who live separate lives in the same house.

They have their separate jobs.
She has her church or garden club (Or motorcycle racing if she's like Laura)
He has fishing or golf or what ever.
They have only the kids in common.

They had a common goal once - raising the kids. But once they are grown there is very little left.

I had been happily divorced for almost twenty years and I was not about to give up my lifelong dream. Laura had been married before too and knew what she wanted out of life. Laura had her goals. I had mine. We talked about it a lot before we got hitched and came up with a way to share our dreams and achieve our goals together.

Everyone changes over time but common long term goals, beyond the kids college graduation are the key to a happy retirement with your spouse. Dreams not shared are a recipe for disaster, IMHO.
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post #38 of 74 Old 05-07-2014
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Re: Wife won't retire with me....

Funny how little folks understand that we are all different. We each have our different stories and approach to life. We each have our our personal relationship with our partners.

After much prodding from Counselors we did try the separate living thing. I didn't work for us. Just the way we are. We really like being together.

That leaves us to slug out a compromise.

Our " now" compromise is we work part time, coordinated schedules. We work three days a week, but every other weekend is six days long. On those six days we live on the big boat an work on the small boat. We are somewhat over half way through a refit of our small boat.

Once done with the small boat we will be cruising it for those six days. Hopefully, that will expand into more full time retirement.

I remain hopeful if only because I can't see an option.
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post #39 of 74 Old 05-07-2014
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Wink Re: Wife won't retire with me....

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Originally Posted by MarioG View Post
After taking my wife to Florida during the winter it wasn't hard to get her aboard with the idea of becoming cruisers after the time for me to retire, what I didn't expect was her to tell me at 45 was it was time for me to retire because she just wasn't going to do another winter in Nc.
Another winter in North Carolina? That sounds rough. Gosh, I thought we had a rough winter in Michigan.
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post #40 of 74 Old 05-08-2014
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Re: Wife won't retire with me....

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Another winter in North Carolina? That sounds rough. Gosh, I thought we had a rough winter in Michigan.
Greg I'm from NY and moved to NC because of the winters there so you can imagined how quick I laughed when she said that, but hey can't argue when it gets you aboard.

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