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  #1  
Old 07-23-2007
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What's holding me back...

.....from just selling the house and moving aboard? I am not sure that I have the right boat, but that is easily remedied, right?, buy another one. Is it because I might not like living aboard, and then I'll end up with nothing on land in a market that is brutally expensive? Is it because my son's mom will have a fit and try to take him from me? WTF is wrong with me!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!
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Last edited by bestfriend; 07-23-2007 at 01:13 AM.
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Old 07-23-2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bestfriend View Post
WTF is wrong with me!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!
absolutely nothing bro! only hesitation. as a responsible father your first priority is your kid. the second is making sure that you and your girl are comfortable. the only thing holding you back is fear. from what it sounds like is that your son is still fairly close. dont let an "ex" stop you from pursuing your dream. for visitation you can pick a halfway travel point to drop off and receive your child,that way neither of you have to visit the others domicile. jump in with both feet and dont look back. I tell you this from my own experience, the small things will work themselves out. you have to live your life too, because if your living to make someone else comfortable (besides your child) your not living! good luck and keep us posted.
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Old 07-23-2007
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Nothing.

At least you're alive and have a few more synapses firing than most. You're asking the questions, and so, are unlikely to hit 70 and be asking for a 'do-over'. There's probably no 'right" answer, like we saw in the cruising with kids thread, there's only your answer 'cause you're the one that is going to live with it. Besides, who said all the questions in life were easy? Think it out, take council with your most trusted advisers, make your decision, and then get busy making it the best right or wrong decision that you can. As we used to say on the ships, "what's the worst they can do, send me to sea?".
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Old 07-23-2007
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"what's the worst they can do, send me to sea?".
Good One. My most trusted advisors up until I joined here have been land lubbers. This has been a little dream of mine for my whole life, but I put it on the back burner because I never thought it possible. My dad grew up building boats and I grew up on his boats(Bestfriend), fishing and clamming the Long Island Sound. After my Dad had a stroke last year, it all came up to the top again. And now I have the job to support it, and the son to share the experiences with. Its not Long Island Sound, but we fished off the stern two weeks ago and he caught his first little shiner. Priceless.
Pirate, you are right. I have been miserable lately because I have been trying to figure out how to do this and keep everyone else happy, thats just how I am.
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Last edited by bestfriend; 07-23-2007 at 01:05 AM.
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Old 07-23-2007
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" The things you'll regret most are the things you didn't try" - not sure who said that but there is a lot of truth to it.

BUT - then all of a sudden you have responsibilties to others that complicate otherwise simple decisions. That's the tough part, as you've obviously figured out.

Though not nearly on the scale that you are thinking, a few years back we made a decision involving a career change, relocation, dissolving of a successful long running boating partnership and leaving 22 yrs of friends and neighbours... tough call but we did it.

Three years later, things are good - a new (to us) boat , our former partners also happy with a new (to them) boat, a lifestyle that is more secure and comfortable than had we stayed put. (the only downer really is trading moorage at $1.25/ft/mo for something around $9.00 but there's a price to pay for everything, isn't there?) Keeping in touch with old friends is not so tough these days.

None of this is probably helping you, but maybe just to say that whatever you do decide, in the long run things will likely work out for you.

Good luck
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Old 07-23-2007
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Bestfriend,
I'm going to jump in on the other side. In my opinion, you need to keep all of your bases covered. If you're hesitating and you don't know why, you need to figure that bit out. Your son comes first. Of course that doesn't preclude you living aboard, but you've got to make absolutely sure that the ex doesn't have any recourse to take him away from you. If that happened, I'm sure it would poison your relationships, your love of sailing, your life. Wait a while, see how things develop. Improve your mood in the shortrun by getting out on the water and fishing with your son.
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Old 07-23-2007
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Nothing's holding you back, you just aren't ready to do it yet. You'll know when it's time, because you'll start working out how to take care of all those other responsibilities, so you can make the dream real. We all have to have priorities in our lives, and right now, moving on the boat isn't your top one.

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Old 07-23-2007
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I agree with Sailhog. Keep the house and use the boat as a campout with your kid. He will probably look forward to camping as oppossed to living on it. An ex just might use that as an excuse to try to take him. You know, unstable life, danger of sea, sleep walking and falling overboard......

Have you discussed this with your son??
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Old 07-23-2007
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BF...I'm kinda with PB on this one. The only thing I would add is that living aboard a boat at a dock is not a lot of fun and everything is harder than living in an apartment so don't romanticize it. Going cruising is a whole different and most enjoyable lifestyle...and HAVING a boat at a dock and being close enough to use it anytime is kewl too.
Most dockside liveaboards NEVER go sailing cause it takes to long to secure and stow stuff they use for everyday living.
Seems to me that your son, your girlfriend are priorities #1 & 2 and your decisions should reflect those__
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Old 07-23-2007
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Show your cards in terms of providing for your son, to whom you have both a legal and a moral obligation (I assume you provide child support). If you decide to liveaboard or cruise, either put the boat partly in your boy's name or create a trust fund payable when he's 21 for his education from the sale of the house.

So you have to get a boat loan...so what? You've provided for him before you've even moved aboard.

A lot of this, of course, depends on the state of your relationship with his mother and the level of vindictiveness so common in these cases.
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