Wife is putting the pressure on to sell the boat.

[Melrna]

I will try to answer Sailaways 21 questions
1. I feed the girls to help out with seasickness. I learn in the aviation business that a stomach with something in it is better than an empty one. When one starts to get queasy the acids in the stomach start to come out. If there is nothing in the stomach to neutralize it it will aggravate the stomach more and motion-sickness will get worse. Nothing greasy nor no alcohol. Of course I cheat a little with ginger cookies and ginger ale to drink.
2. Attitude between spouses is different in all relationships. Those views can be broken down by which generation one comes from, your value systems, and past experiences. The views of women here from most of the guys reflects most men here in their mid 50's and beyond. In any relationship there are three courses of action: one way, compromise or sacrifice. How ones decides is complicated and not for this forum.
3. Her Sailnet - Comments - Lets just say sometimes the comments are too colorful. For example what wind_magic said. It is that attitude that most women I fear don't sail. In Her Sailnet yes the guys do comment but sometimes those comments can be crude. I.E. back in Jan when I put out a post about the women's sail convention. I rarely post anything there anymore because it is Her Sailnet not the guys. If I want a comment from the guys, I will ask in another forum. While most of the guys comments are good some are not. I think most of the women here feel the same and use other sites to asked questions without all the bravado.

[USCGRET1990]

Originally Posted by hglad

TrueBlue,
You asked what kind of sailing wife I have become. I guess I am still in transition.
I met and married my husband in 2000. I retired and we sold everything and sailed from Portland, OR to Tracy Arm, Alaska. and back to Portland. This passage lasted a little under a year. Living on our sailboat (Nordic 40) and trying to adjust to a very different lifestyle was difficult for me. There were so many things that frightened me....weather, rough seas....mostly the sails. I really did not want to learn how the whole sailing process worked.
When we returned to Portland, I went back to work and I encouraged my husband to continue his sailing dream. He sailed to Ixtapa, Mexico and from there to Hawaii and back to Portland, OR. We really did not think we would be sailing again and sold the boat. Life continued.
In Jan. 2006, I began to think about sailing again. Retirement was ahead of me and I thought about what I wanted to do. We could stay in our large house with our beautiful yard, watch television, clean house, garden and babysit grandchildren. I had always felt that I had somehow failed at sailing and wished I had given it a better try. I mentioned my feelings to my husband and we started looking for a boat. We found our boat in Nova Scotia and had her trucked across Canada and down to Portland. She is a Freedom 39 Pilothouse. There are only 2 winches and the sails can be controlled from the cockpit. This boat can be sailed singlehanded or by a couple.
I am still afraid but I am going to learn to sail. We are planning to head back to Alaska in May of 2008. We sold the house again, sold most of our belonging and now have a homebase in a 500 sq ft boathouse in the same marina as our boat. We want to sail about 6 months our of the year. I guess it comes down to what you want. I don't want to settle for a traditional life. I want more. I want to make this work and will do what it takes.
Still in transition but looking forward...
Vicky G

If you can get up that far, Prince William Sound is a beautiful place to spend a summer.

[RickLaPaz]

Originally Posted by SEMIJim

Sometimes you have to compromise. (Often that seems to mean she gets her way, doesn't it? .)
Jim

Sorry, Jim, but if you have to compromise like this, you're with the wrong person. If you haven't noticed by now, men get involved with the women they like, and want them to remain the same as they were day one---Pretty, thin, lotsa of sex, laugh at your jokes, you know, carry on. But women usually want a fixer project, and the day after the wedding will generally start driving wedges between you and your dreams, the people you hang out with, your hobbies, bitch about the way you dress and how you eat, and a long list of other items along these lines. Women generally can't leave well enough alone, and once they start extortion tactics on you, ******** and good life goodbye. There'll be a zillion pussies reading this that know I'm right, but don't have the balls to either say anything or dump their s/o. And to those, I say *******, you deserve to live on a chain and in misery. But to the others that have the fortitude and balls to walk out the door, congratulations. Your new life has begun--Enjoy it. Keep the boat and find someone else. It's really quite simple.....

Rick

[Rickm505]

Shesh Rick.. why don't you tell us how you really feel?

An interesting point of view... I admit that parts of your post pretty much describe my life. Seriously though, I'm curious how you would define a successful relationship??

[wind_magic]

Originally Posted by Rickm505

Ummmm ..... Wind_magic let me guess.... single?

How did you know that ?

Originally Posted by Melissa

First, I am glad I am not married to wind_magic. That attitude was dead 20 years ago.

Good call, I would not want to be married to me either.

[SEMIJim]

Originally Posted by RickLaPaz

Sorry, Jim, but if you have to compromise like this, you're with the wrong person.

That was a joke, Rick. That's why the was there.

As for the remainder of your remarks: Perhaps if you chose your mates more wisely, you'd enjoy more satisfactory relationships.

Jim

[SEMIJim]

Originally Posted by Melrna

I thought I would finally respond here as another female. First, I am glad I am not married to wind_magic. That attitude was dead 20 years ago.

Balderdash! Naturally, it works both ways, but he's right in that it is not reasonable for either partner to expect the other to necessarily give up their dreams and ambitions "just because."

Originally Posted by Melrna

Second, yes this forum can be unfriendly to women.

My not being a woman is perhaps the reason I don't see it. What I do see is a forum dominated by sailors. There is, at present, more male sailors in the world than female sailors. So, naturally, a sailing forum is bound to be (somewhat) dominated by male attitudes and behaviours. Would you think it reasonable for men to enter a female-dominated venue and complain that environment was male-unfriendly because it was "too female?" (Excuse me for assuming not.)

Furthermore, some of your comments, here and in your follow-up, smack of the very sexism you protest. For example: I have known men that are absolutely intolerant of salty language, and women that could make a sailor blush. Never mind the "ageism" you display, suggesting Sailnet is dominated by old farts with prehistoric attitudes. Ironically, this Neanderthal was taught from an early age to speak civilly in mixed company.

In sum, I find certain of your remarks equally as off-base as those of a couple of the male contributors to this thread.

Sounds like your "sailing classes for persons of the female persuasion" are very good, tho. Well done. You are to be commended for putting forth the effort.

Jim

[thedudeistoocool]

TrueBlue

I don't know you or your wife but is there a slight possibilty that she is really afraid of heights and not the heeling. You say it's only 5' to the waterline but to an acrophobe 5' is a looooong way down. I used to not be able to get my father past the 3rd rung of a 12' ladder and he would make up all sorts of excuses "this ladder isn't steady" "it' too old" " I don't think it can support my weight" took me years to get him to admit a fear of heights and now he's fine with being afraid. I was very proud of him when I manged to coax him to the top of the St Augustine lighthouse course he wouldn't come out onto the catwalk and sort of wedged himslef into the little nook to "study the really neat machinery" but he went all the ay up and all the way down without freaking out too much

This is just a thought and I'm probably wrong but I wish you the best and hope everything works out for you

Kevin

[RickLaPaz]

Originally Posted by SEMIJim

That was a joke, Rick. That's why the was there.

As for the remainder of your remarks: Perhaps if you chose your mates more wisely, you'd enjoy more satisfactory relationships.

Jim

Missed the joke face, Semi, but you also missed with the assumption that I need a better mate and a more satisfactory relationship. My posting has absolutely nothing to do with my life, and has to do with life.

Your mileage may vary.........

[wind_magic]

Joking around aside, it is hard sometimes.

I have had to let go of a number of women because they simply didn't want the same things I wanted, to our mutual disappointment. In all cases it started out well but then over time the more I listened to what they were saying, the more I realized that it just wasn't going to work, that what they wanted really was completely different than what I wanted and that there would be no practical way to compromise. And so I have let a number of women go with smiles and best wishes for their future success, even with hopes that they will find a man who wants the same things that they want. In most cases that has been to "settle down", to start a family, and much of the rest of what women are generally interested in. And that's fine, I am not a woman, and I do not know what goes through their minds, I cannot say their dreams are not valid. But their dreams are NOT my dreams, I come fully equipped with my own dreams that are just as valid, that come out of my own experience, dreams that I had before I met them. And I don't see any reason I should have to give them up.

I am basically happy on my own. I have had plenty of opportunity to give up the things I want and get married, but I never did. And I get razed for being single sometimes, and that's fine, I doubt I will ever marry at this point. I am just having too much fun doing what I want to do. Some of us were just made to roam I guess.