Wife is putting the pressure on to sell the boat.

[TrueBlue]

Hey guys, thanks for taking the time to respond with all the thoughtful replies.

Since starting this thread from the home computer I couldn't respond until now, because I came to the office directly from sleeping on the boat last night (can you say in the doghouse?). The mood swings are up and down with my wife with the frequency of her adverse opinions increasing though the effcts of a glass of wine or two. Last night was no exception.

There doesn't seem to be any other option, but to put the boat up for sale. I also agree with the unanimous notion that when forced to maintain two boats, the top boat will get most of the attention - while the other sits on the hard accumulating all the crusts of neglect.

TD, Jim & Sabre,
Yes I fully agree, the happiness of crew must always take precedence. Incidently, I had sailed years ago - before marriage and the ownership of several powerboats. Before buying this boat together, we had sailed in a few larger boats, all owned by our close sailor friends. She was always comfortable in these boats, and especially liked the aft cockpit IP44 we crewed on, although the rails never got wet.

Nor was she upset while sailing in other firend's two separate C34s -relatively low to water, aft cockpit sloops. So, there were never any early indications that sailboats would frighten her. Additionally, I purchased all the requisite sailing books in an attempt for her to fully understand sailing dynamics - which for the most part - went unread by her.

Conditions were very calm during the sea trial/survey of the Nauticat, and she willingly agreed to move forward with the closing - title is in both our names. During the past three seasons however, we did go through some moderately extreme weather conditions - testing her endurance levels to the max and leading up to this ultimatum. "Undersailing" also no longer seems to be an option . . . I always let out the sheets when she's aboard.

Cam, I think we'd spend more time as dockside liveaboards with your beautiful Tayana - I solo-sail and that's too way much boat for me to handle.

BF, there seems to be a slight delivery problem with the CS34 , as nice as I'm sure it is . . . I would also buy a Nordhavn in a flash, if I could afford one.

TK - catamarans are actually being considered.

SD - Sound's promising, I'll PM you later . . . and CD, thanks so much for your thoughtful PM.

I'm currently thinking that by making the open decision to list the boat . . . perhaps at the higher end of the scale, the gods will be appeased and at the very least, allow us to enjoy the boat while subduing the incessant arguments over selling her.

[southerncross31]

Check out Catana catamarans.....fast and seaworthy. Way more room and less maintinence (especially the woodwork...or lack there of). I am a little nervous about my wife and the heeling issue as well. The only difference is that I didn't even tell her i was buying it.....or that i was going to spend more than the selling price fixing it up . I have owned it since Oct but she just saw it for the first time last weekend. She was asleep in the v-berth within 30 min of stepping aboard!

[eherlihy]

TB

Since it seems that you have made the decision to sell, if you actually want to sell, I would argue not to list it at the high end of the price spectrum. You may end up chasing the market down to a lower price than you could now realize.

I suspect that there is a storm brewing in the macroeconomic front...

Then again, if you want to convince the admiral that you are trying to sell, but there are no buyers (so you should enjoy your present boat while you have her listed...) then, aim high!

Best of luck!

Ed

[tomaz_423]

TB,
Did you consider mounting the "training wheels" on your Nauticat (she is already a cat, why not a tri ).
I think there is a member on Sailnet (with a very good rep) with such a boat: One larger hull in the middle and a small one on each side to prevent heeling. I think he calls them ama

Now for real:
I do not think having two boats is a good idea. Not just cost of purchase and maintenance but also all your time and energy ... That is almost as bad as having two wives. We can't handle one at times....
I would probably list the boat and price it high and search for a new boat very easy. Perhaps one size up would make your wife feel more at ease.
I know mine was not very happy on a 33 footer, and she likes the 43 feet much more. She still hates to steer if the waves are large and we are sailing. She has no problems motoring in large waves (or making dinner).

[Bardo]

I deeply envy you guys with nauti-wives. Mine is a flat-lander who, while not against sailing, is not suited to it naturally. I am working slowly to improve her experience sailing, and have purchased Don Casey's book "Dragged Aboard" in the hopes of some insight. TB, I very much hope that you can navigate your way through this crisis while maintaining both your boat (in some form) AND your wife (not necessarily in that order). Best wishes.

Freeman Dodsworth

[jadkkd]

Although my wife loves being on the water she didn't enjoy sailing when the wind kicked up. We actually traded our sailboat in for a picnic boat until we just recently sold it. Now I want to buy another sailboat. My wife is enthusiastic but to make her feel more comfortable I took a private lesson on a sonar and brought my wife. The instructor is an accomplished olympic sailor and teacher. I filled him in beforehand so whie out on the water he asked my wife a bunch of questions and went over all scenarios. We will do it a few more times, but hearing it from hiim gave my wife a better understanding. Isn't that always the way! But it actually helped both of us.

[sailortjk1]

Just a quick note;
Blue I feel your pain. This must be very taxing on you.
I know how much you love you Nuaticat, you speak highly of her and her benefits often. I hope that you and your wife might come to a compromise that will please you both. Your life partner should take precedence here. We often state that the Admiral must be happy or you will be unhappy.
It is so true. Good luck in your search and I hope that you both can find the vessel that will maintain your dreams. (Gunboat 48; Hint, Hint. Lots of boat and lots of Money, No Tipping)

[SanderO]

My boat predates my wife. She is a total non water person... doesn't swim and is petrified of water. But she knew that the boat was completely in my life and future.

The first time she got in the dink she was white with fear and huddled at the bottom. She wouldn't let me take her far from the dock.

I got her on the boat and at first it was in light air... after she helped out with mundane tasks dockside like cleaning and so on.

She refused to learn a thing, knots, steering anything. She was afraid of heeling and said she got sea sick when we were underway and she was below.

She did get sea sick once but it was in very very nasty conditions on the way back from Maine when it was pouring and she had to go below.

Over time she adjusted... now her complaints are only bad weather. If she's afraid of heeling she never says it. I think her confidence has grown over the years because she sees it IS safe and I AM prudent.

We had one testy scene in Vineyard Sound when it was pea soup fog and a ferry appeared too close for comfort. When I went to look at the radar... below decks... it wasn't working. I told her it should have sounded an alarm. She insisted I get it fixed and have a working radar. Got a new one.

She got me an AIS for my birthday since it was a safety device.

She's now pretty relaxed on board.. and even goes to the mast when I take down the main.

Based on my experience with her fears I think almost anyone can over come it if they have the will. I was not going to get rid of Shiva so she had to take her with me and so she did. I still do a lot of single handing when she doesn't want to come.

True you need to find whatever it is that will make the misses comfy. I am not sure why it would be a different boat... but it may be. You need to identify exactly what her fears are.

jef
sv shiva

[iwm]

Isn’t it fun telling other people how to solve their problems!!!!

Here’s my two cents worth. No specific boat or difference between selling at a high price versus a low price is worth jeopardizing either your wife’s enthusiasm for boating/sailing or even more importantly your relationship with her. Unless you are happy sailing alone and leaving the wife home (which may bring on its own set of issues), the sailing/boating experience needs to be a partnership. While its not always 50-50, the more enthusiastic the “reluctant” partner is, the better for all involved.

Some recent personal experience. We have been looking for a new, larger boat recently. Looked at one boat that I loved. It had all the cruising bells and whistles, great cruising reputation, etc. I drove away thinking “this is it.” Then I asked the wife what she thought -dead silence. Then, “I can’t believe you liked that boat.” She had major objections, mostly aesthetic, that I thought were relatively unimportant. After a few days, and much discussion, she said, “if you really want that boat buy it.” But I knew her heart wouldn’t really be in it, so we walked away. Sometime later, we found another boat, that wasn’t quite as much to my liking, but she was very enthusiastic about. I would gladly trade her interest and enthusiasm for slight differences in boat design and equipment. That boat now under contract and pending survey.

So my advice for True Blue. Work out a plan with your wife for boating that maximizes her interest and comfort. Most likely this would mean putting Nauticat on the market at a reasonable price and looking for another boat that you both could be happy with.

good luck in your process

IWM

[TrueBlue]

southerncross - I'll look into those Catanas, thanks.

Originally Posted by eherlihy

TB
I suspect that there is a storm brewing in the macroeconomic front...

Do you have inside info that the economy is in for a long, spiraling nose-dive? If so, and aside from the domestic issue, I suppose this is a good reason for listing earlier - at a fair price.

tomaz, as inticing as the notion of moving up to a 40-something boat is . . . I don't think we need that kind of space, nor do I think I want to incur all the extra expenses that go with it.

Bardo, thanks for the warm wishes - I just might look into that book - "Dragged Aboard" . . . since that's close to her attitude with me whenever I raise sail.

jadkkd - You know, I've tried so hard to get her to take private sailing lessons, without my presence . . . to no avail. This would be easier to accept, if she had made more effort to enjoy sailing through advanced learning. Interesting that you went from sail - to power, now back to sail again. Best wishes for success.

tjk - yep - admiral MUST be happy, or no one else is. That Gunboat 48 is hot!

True you need to find whatever it is that will make the misses comfy. I am not sure why it would be a different boat... but it may be. You need to identify exactly what her fears are.

jef

Wise words indeed jef . . . but this is the enigma isn't it? Wish I knew for sure, but I suspect her deepest, darkest desire is to have a powerboat . . . catamaran may be a compromise.

Isn’t it fun telling other people how to solve their problems!!!!

Here’s my two cents worth. No specific boat or difference between selling at a high price versus a low price is worth jeopardizing either your wife’s enthusiasm for boating/sailing or even more importantly your relationship with her. Unless you are happy sailing alone and leaving the wife home (which may bring on its own set of issues), the sailing/boating experience needs to be a partnership. While its not always 50-50, the more enthusiastic the “reluctant” partner is, the better for all involved. . .

. . . So my advice for True Blue. Work out a plan with your wife for boating that maximizes her interest and comfort. Most likely this would mean putting Nauticat on the market at a reasonable price and looking for another boat that you both could be happy with.

good luck in your process

IWM

You're absolutely correct IWM, as with most others who've offered their thoughts on this difficult issue I'm faced with.

I'm not one to hang dirty laundry for the entire world to see. But I spend so much time on SailNet, and in a way, I think this motivates me to move on; by announcement, the emotions I have for this boat could be dispersed - in time, replaced by another. Remember how exciting it was to shop for your last boat? By doing it together - this time with a sharper attention to her desires, things will get better.

Nothing can take the place of a woman's love for her husband . . . don't ever want to lose that.