Wife is putting the pressure on to sell the boat.

[seabreeze_97]

Sounds to me like you're in for a life of no boats. This is just the first step. Nothing like being loved......and caged.

[TrueBlue]

Originally Posted by seabreeze_97

Sounds to me like you're in for a life of no boats. This is just the first step. Nothing like being loved......and caged.

How profound seabreeze. If love is being caged, then I've been a caged animal for over 30 years. There will be another boat - this I can guarantee.

[Valiente]

Originally Posted by TrueBlue

I'm currently thinking that by making the open decision to list the boat . . . perhaps at the higher end of the scale, the gods will be appeased and at the very least, allow us to enjoy the boat while subduing the incessant arguments over selling her.

Dammit, TB, I feel for you, especially as my boat looks like the bigger, steel brother of yours! I must count my lucky stars that in a recent blow with 25 knots and seven foot rollers with 200 miles of fetch, it was me in the pilothouse and my wife on the aft deck handling the tacking (and getting wet even five feet off the water!).

Has your wife actually driven the boat? I find that a lot of wives (and some husbands of sailing women skippers) are most frightened by the helplessness of not knowing what to do, and that if they can learn how to safely run the boat solo, they can largely overcome their fears of heavy weather.

I haven't read to the end of the thread yet, so I apologize if this has been suggested.

[SEMIJim]

Sometimes you have to compromise. (Often that seems to mean she gets her way, doesn't it? .) For example: I'd kind of like to have a motorcycle again. The Admiral is dead-set against it. So I occasionally--probably too often--reminder her of how neat I think it would be to have a motorcycle. But I don't push the issue and I'm resigned to not having one. And that's okay. While I'd love to have a motorcycle, I'm pretty damn sure I'd love even more to keep my honey.

As for the boat... dunno. TB: Your wife isn't happy with your current sailboat and you don't know exactly why. She either doesn't know or won't tell you. One data point is her refusal to take individual sailing lessons. That kind of makes it sound like she really doesn't care for sailing all that much--if at all. You voiced the concern that what you think she really wants is a powerboat. Hmmm...

Personally, the Admiral and I couldn't afford to operate a powerboat even if that's what we wanted. (I like 'em well enough. She does not.) We have an acquaintance that uses his powerboat to go to/from an island spot they have. It's about 45 minutes each way. He estimates that trip is now costing him about $80, round trip . No thanks. Plus a sailboat is "green."

Good luck, my friend.

Jim

[CalypsoP35]

TB, sorry to hear of your conundrum. Unless you are an unreasonably selfish person and do whatever you feel like, life is a series of compromises. Just make sure you are not the only one compromising. It is obvious to all of us who have seen your posts that your boat is an important part of your life.

Maybe you just need to find the right compromise. I would hope your spouse knows what your boat means to you and takes that into consideration while weighing it against her fears? discomfort? If not, you may have a bigger problem than the boat.

I would think you would be able to find some kind of compromise here. It should not be a one sided solution. If getting a different boat is the compromise then fine (as long as it still has sails). You both have given in a little. I don't know how often you sail, but maybe another solution is to reduce the number of trips during the summer and do something she would prefer to do on the nonsailing weekends. Maybe you could do a couple sailing trips with your guy friends and/or family while she does something with her gal friends and/or family.

My spouse is a real land lubber and she would prefer a power boat to my Calypso, but she knows how much sailing means to me so we compromise. Sometimes she comes with me, sometimes she goes with our freinds on their power boat and meets me and the kids at our destination other times the husbands go sailing and the spouses have a girls night out at the spa.

Everybodies' solution is different. Good luck finding the solution that will work best you and your spouse.

[CBinRI]

Gee, I hope it works out for you. I am blessed wth a wife who seems to love sailing as much as I do (even though she has been content not to learn how to sail). The only specific comment that I have is that, unless you run into the deal of the century on your dream boat, that you sell one before you buy another. I can tell you from personal experience that, unless money is not an issue, it is very difficult to feel like a sensible person as the owner of two large sailboats.

[TrueBlue]

Thanx Val, Jim, Calpyso and CB for the thoughts. I'll get over it - not the end of the world, even though you've pegged me re: the boat being a big part of my life . . . even bigger than I'd care to accept.

Of course she has driven the boat, but typically will only take the wheel when under power. I prefer to sail most of the time, which makes me the sole helmsman. Couldn't do it very well without the AP.

I thought the motorsailer was a compromise - but not enough I suppose. If we end up with a "powerboat" as the big boat, it will be a single diesel engine trawler, with at least a staysail < G >. That would truely make her happy. If this is the case, I will get a daysailer for myself . . . like an Alerion Express, or clone.

I'm aiming for a catamaran - no heeling, condo-like accommodations, fast under most points of sail, but upwind - unfortunately though, relegated to an end "T" slip, due to the excessive beam.

[FrankLanger]

TrueBlue,
Although it may be too late in your situation to adopt the things that worked for me (or maybe you have tried them already), my wife was a reluctant sailor at first on our (read my) small (23') boat, and similarly our now adult kids had various degrees of comfort with sailing--from rail in the water "hee haw" to flat as a pancake at speeds not to exceed 3 knots!

I now have a wife who is equal partner on our 30' coastal sailboat and loves cruising to new destinations. The following worked for me:

1) Installed a levogauge and explained to everyone that the boat's keel and sailplan is made to sail at 20 degrees, can easily handle 30 degrees, so as long as the levogauge is within that limit, we are absolutely safe--and it's there for all to see as the boat begins to heel.

2) I agreed that if anyone feels at the limit of their tolerance, they only had to ask once and I would immediately take action accordingly to reduce sail, speed, heel or whatever was needed.

3) I showed them all the adjustments available to the helmsman to ease things: backstay adjuster, outhaul, halyard tension, furled headsail, reefs, sailing with only head or mainsail, etc., so they could see that we weren't at the mercy of the wind/waves.

4) I made sure to emphasize the "fun" times on the boat--great meals and snacks, lantern with appropriate music in the evening, watching the sunsets, glass of wine, etc., so the boat wasn't just a challenging experience, but also relaxation, beauty, etc.

5) I encouraged them to take the helm, with me at their side, so they could get the feel of the boat and experience how solid it is, even as it heels a bit--but gradually at first in real safe conditions.

6) I showed them when the wind piped up that we could take a reef and keep the same level of heel, even in 20 - 25 knots of wind, which impressed them!

In short, I did everything possible to show them, help them understand, make it fun, and give them control to help them appreciate it. They are all still different, with some loving the challenge of water over the bow, others preferring sunning on the bow in a swimsuit with the boat sailing (barely) flat. But my wife now loves the boat--still doesn't trust herself when the wind pipes up and passes the helm back to me--but considers herself co-owner/partner. Incidently, she picked the name of our current boat as well.

Maybe some of this will help you, or others in a similar situation. Good luck!

Frank.

[sailingdog]

TB-

Some of the 33-36' cats have a narrow enough beam to fit in a 40' slip. Just FYI. If you have questions on cats, let me know.

[sailingdog]

Tomaz-

No real sailor would be caught dead sailing a boat with training wheels... they're training floats dammit... and yes, they're called "amas".

Originally Posted by tomaz_423

TB,
Did you consider mounting the "training wheels" on your Nauticat (she is already a cat, why not a tri ).
I think there is a member on Sailnet (with a very good rep) with such a boat: One larger hull in the middle and a small one on each side to prevent heeling. I think he calls them ama

Now for real:
I do not think having two boats is a good idea. Not just cost of purchase and maintenance but also all your time and energy ... That is almost as bad as having two wives. We can't handle one at times....
I would probably list the boat and price it high and search for a new boat very easy. Perhaps one size up would make your wife feel more at ease.
I know mine was not very happy on a 33 footer, and she likes the 43 feet much more. She still hates to steer if the waves are large and we are sailing. She has no problems motoring in large waves (or making dinner).