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Old 10-12-2008
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LFS Proponents Have Lovely Outing

Something interesting I ran across...

Associated Press
September 28, 2008

A Laggardly, Fabulous Sail!

MIAMI - An aging Miami couple has just achieved a life-long dream by completing an unprecedented triple circumnavigation of Star Island in Biscayne Bay. Cameron Swaydosun and his outspoken wife Jurdie were welcomed on their return by two friends at the Miami Beach Marina, their home base.

"It was just lovely." said Mr. Swaydosun. "We've been working very hard for this day for over 15 years."

The Swaydosuns purchased their 52-foot Southern Choyana ketch from a used boat salesman in Portugal in 1992, had it loaded onto a freighter and delivered to their slip at MBM. They then spent the next 13 years and $475,000.00 USD fully equipping the boat with the very finest in navigational equipment, state-of-the-art safety gear, classic sailing literature, and flatware in preparation for their dream - and taking lesson after lesson after lesson.

"We worked very, very hard. And spent all of our children's and grandchildren's inheritance to prepare for this." said Mrs. Swaydosun. "We'd been taught that sailing in the sea is the most dangerous thing human beings have ever dared to do. And that it was just a matter of time before our pure ignorance killed us, and took several maritime regiments with us. Thank God we had Sailnet."

Despite Cameron's 25 years in the Asiatic Merchant Marines and an uncanny knowledge of knots and sail trimming - his time on Sailnet, an American based anti-sailing website for conservatives, had convinced him and his wife that any exploit beyond the safety of Biscayne Bay was not only pure suicide, but really an afront to seasoned sailors and rescue personnel the world over. The only salvation left to them in this regard, according to the paragons of Sailnet, was to obtain signoffs for each and every aspect of sailing technique, gear, and philosophy from...you got it...the paragons of Sailnet.

"We actually had the hubris to think we knew how to sail - at least well enough for coastal cruising. Boy, were we idiots!" laughed Cameron. "The mods and paragons of Sailnet made us see very quickly that sailing was not for enjoyment or adventure. It was really just a deathwatch. And these guys were willing to take valuable time off from their world-saving political and economic diatribes to tutor us on how to cheat the jaws of death in a measly sailboat. I mean, these guys guard the gates, you know? Their word is scripture. So, yes, of course, we got on board! I mean, who wants to be an ignorant sailor that deserves evolutionary threats and wishes when he is overcome by the elements?"

In the daring August 2005 launch of their attempt, the couple was tempting fate from the first turn. Winds were just over 8 knots true and seas were calm. But they knew that the fickle Bay could anger at any moment with higher breezes or wakes from a Scarab. Yet, they had received their final signoff in Sailing Philosophy from the world renown "Sailaway21", or Lord Sailaway according to his business card, just 3 days previously and were given permission to go ahead and cast off. There was no turning back.

"We were nervous. But we were prepared." said Jurdie. "Sailnet said so. So who can argue that? We had the right to be out there."

The circumnavigation took just over 36 months and covered over 80 nautical miles, wrapping up last week with their triumphant return to their slip and into the arms of their two tepidly applauding friends.

"We probably could have completed the journey more quickly, but we were told not to heel." said the couple in unison. "And anyway, as long as our pate and brie held out - we were NOT going to give up. It really was an LFS."

"That means Laggardly, Fabulous Sail silly!" cried Jurdie seeing this reporter's puzzled look.

The only time in that 36 months that the couple had trouble of any kind was late spring of 2007 when a 9-foot crazed dolphin leapt into the cockpit while they were having tea, bloodying Jurdie's nose with a vicious flipper slap.

"I was just about to throw out the drogue, employ the emergency tiller and activate the EPIRB - when Jurdie reminded me of the scorn we'd face from our friends at Sailnet." said Cameron. "So instead we removed Jurdie's injured nose with our West Marine surgical kit and made more pate from the foul beast."

"The dolphin, not my nose silly!" cried Jurdie seeing this reporter's puzzled look.

Asked if the couple had any words of advice and encouragement to the world of young, hopeful sailors the world over who yearned to one day taste the adventure of big sailing, the couple chimed in unison, "You'll never be prepared to sail big. It's just impossible. Everyone knows that. Just repeatedly read every thread in Sailnet. It's as good as actual sailing anyway. There's nothing in the ocean except death and destruction unless you are immortally experienced, knowledgeable, and prepared like Lord Camaraderie or Lord Sailaway. The rest of us are just idiots who deserve our fates."

They then introduced this reporter to these great men - who formed the small welcoming home "entourage" for this frightened little couple. The chant of "LFS or death! LFS or death!" could be heard as the couple carried the lords of Sailnet away on their aging shoulders. Their "Sponsored By Sailnet" t-shirts pressed and gleaming.
Melrna, dacap06, capecodda and 7 others like this.

Last edited by smackdaddy; 09-05-2013 at 10:22 AM.
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  #2  
Old 10-12-2008
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Old 10-13-2008
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Betcha that popcorn is getting cold about now !
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Old 10-13-2008
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You forgot Jody, cold popcorn and warm beer go together, unlike wam popcorn and cold beer! which, now that it is mentioned, go together too! I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO confused!

SD is working on his 'soon to be banned" metaphor a bit tooooooo much!

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Old 10-14-2008
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Ahem, where is the published article sourced from? I would appreciate a link and a few cold beverages while I ponder the authenticity of this post.
Sailaway21 is world renowned? I suppose he is as he has been over much more ocean than you ScratchRatty. At least he is known in Portugal where Alex really _____ him.
I am gonna have to fix this by taking my Lightning 19' racing dinghy down to the Chesapeake for like $145 total cost I guess.
We can only dream. Dream about 'floor pie' mmmmh!
D'oh!
PS., I would have thought that 'LFS' would have stood for Lazy Freakin' Sails of which I have enjoyed many and still look forward too!
PSST., only kidding! Nice use of the English language but a bit on the combative side. Smoke some dope kiddie and enjoy it for yourself. I promise that it is not addictive and you can stop any time.
Sailing is what is addictive until you really injure yourself or kill one of your crew. Not the evil weed.
Enjoy.
PPSS., Warm popcorn or cold I could not care but beer warm or preferably cold will help me through all kinds of delusions of grandeur. If that does not work there is always some rum.
Good night.
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Old 10-14-2008
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Caleb - you need to check out the new stoner thread. Right up your alley, baby.

Later. I'm off to Europe. Hey Giu, mind if I swing by and take your boat out?
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Old 10-14-2008
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I must be doing something wrong to have missed this thread for so long.

Good writing though it is a little heavy on the sarcasm as making a point once is pretty much all it takes.
Obviously, having shown my deployed sea anchors in the BFS thread one knows I qualify for as a LFS proponent.

Careful Smack - just like Charlie Chaplin's flailing around on skates, writing about sailing like this lets us know you know, winkers.
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Old 10-14-2008
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Pretty damned funny, got to admit.

I just have to say it again Smack, as many have already said, the BFS sailing finds you, no need to go looking for it.

Than comes the days when you really look forward to the LFS. Sailing along at a nice 5.5knots, steady breeze blowing, beam reaching, flat water, cold soda in hand and an arm around your girl, Auto steering the boat, maybe some nice camaridere with other sailors, and a sunset on the horizon or a full moon with a brilliant cloud of starts overhead; those are the sails that are truely enjoyable.

But the BFS are the ones you never forget.
6 - 8 foot seas, beating hard, 45 degree air temp and 50 degree water temp, freezing your ass off, sailing hard, snot flying from your nose. Those are the ones you never forget. They happen, they find you. No need to look for them.
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Old 10-14-2008
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My good friend Cam and I had what could be described as a LFS this summer when we set a world record sailing around Scott Island in a very old Albcore sailboat.With a very baggy main and a 420 jib(which was almost a Genoa on this boat) we left from his cottage on Scott Island.
With a varible north wind we set off with very little planning(forgot the beer!) and headed downwind for a run of about 5 miles across Newborough Lake.As we passed a lovely cottage Cam noted that it belonged to the Beaver family.I said "that's nice do you know them?"He said " no they are real beavers.They chewed a hole in the floor and are living in the living room".
After that we sailed into Clear Lake and Cam showed me where a former Prime Minister's sons dove off a 50' cliff(I could hardly contain myself!!)
Then we sailed through the narrows while power boats waited for us to get the HELL OUT OF THE WAY and into Indian Lake where the wind went really light.I wanted to paddle but Cam said that would ruin the record.
After a while we made it to Benson Lake where we had more wind(Apparently) as it was on the nose now but the water was getting shallow and weedy.Geez I'm getting thirsty!!
Every 100' we had to pull up the centre board to clear it of weeds or to let us pass over rocks and stumps.On one occasion I reefed too hard on the centreboard and broke off the top third of it.The bottom 2/3 was still there but stuck in the "UP" position.WE were now going to leward pretty fast and the rest of the journey was to windward.Tried using a paddle as a leeboard but that was as useless as banking regulations.Next I jammed the paddle into the cenerboard slot and away we went again.I was getting worried that the girls would be checking our insurance policies but a few minutes later Cam's neighbour showed up in his "stink pot" to tell us the girls were worried that we had gotten lost because we were late for supper .
We were now in Mosquito Lake and 1/4 mile from cold beer.I said to hell with the record and started paddling.When we got back the hamburgs were on the barby and the the beer was cold and delicious.
All in all it was a fun day on the Rideau and next year we are going to try to improve our time(we won't forget the "provisions") .
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Giulietta is just really nice Giulietta is just really nice Giulietta is just really nice Giulietta is just really nice Giulietta is just really nice
Now..(I have to give you that Smack)...that was unbelievably funny..

that is by far one of the funiest things I read here..congratulations on the funny spirit..

I am sure you will gain more and more friends and supporters here..you are starting to become like the crazy brother no one invites to the parties but we all secretly love....

As a foreigner I had to read it twice to understand...Mr. Swayson...ahahahah

Really good fun..thanks

Alex
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