girlfriend/wife hates sailing - SailNet Community

   Search Sailnet:

 forums  store  


Quick Menu
Forums           
Articles          
Galleries        
Boat Reviews  
Classifieds     
Search SailNet 
Boat Search (new)

Shop the
SailNet Store
Anchor Locker
Boatbuilding & Repair
Charts
Clothing
Electrical
Electronics
Engine
Hatches and Portlights
Interior And Galley
Maintenance
Marine Electronics
Navigation
Other Items
Plumbing and Pumps
Rigging
Safety
Sailing Hardware
Trailer & Watersports
Clearance Items

Advertise Here






Go Back   SailNet Community > General Interest > General Discussion (sailing related)
 Not a Member? 


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 07-20-2009
ikrieger's Avatar
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 17
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 0
ikrieger is on a distinguished road
girlfriend/wife hates sailing

Over the weekend I discovered my girlfriend actually doesn't like sailing. "I pray for bad weather on the weekends" were here words.

I've tried to introduce her slowly to sailing by not going out in bad weather and keeping the trips short to about 1 hour sometimes organized around events like fireworks, or the airshow to keep it interesting. I don't ask her to go a lot, maybe 2-3 per month. We have a 2 yr. old and admittedly she has to watch her most of the time which I know is hard. So... any suggestions.

I was thinking of making it more a date thing where we keep the kid at home and I can teach her sailing and then when we go out I can watch the our daughter while she helms. She also has a competitive nature so maybe racing on another boat with other people men/women would help her gain interest.

I grew up sailing with my family and wanted to do the same with our new family, but it seems that all may be lost. If she has anxiety about the prospect of going sailing, let alone actually sailing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #2  
Old 07-20-2009
Great Lakes Sailor
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Saginaw, MI
Posts: 184
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 14
padean is on a distinguished road
What worked for me was to get my wife involved through a series of classes through our local sailing club. Sometimes the "first mate" doesn't like sailing because they either don't understand what is happening, or don't feel involved, or both. This was the case with my wife, and it was an absolute DISASTER for me to try and teach her. Now she not only enjoys sailing on our boat, but does the club races on another boat and enjoys both. We also took a weekend course together (without kids) which gave her more confidence. Before that she hated to go out.

Alternatively, some people just don't like to sail. If that is the case, you can often allow her to have an enjoyable time doing something else, such as sun bathing, or even reading while enjoying the peace of the sailboat. Having to watch over a 2 yr old on a boat is NOT a fun thing to do for a mother, with the boat rocking and tipping, and the child wanting to do whatever seems the least save or smart.
__________________
PDean
CS 34
Saginaw Bay, Michigan
"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails." - William Arthur Ward
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #3  
Old 07-20-2009
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: New York
Posts: 5,780
Thanks: 0
Thanked 14 Times in 14 Posts
Rep Power: 15
bubb2 has a spectacular aura about bubb2 has a spectacular aura about bubb2 has a spectacular aura about
I know a couple at our marina that has same sort of problem. After 3 margaretta's she loves sailing.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Never Forgotten

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #4  
Old 07-20-2009
Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 73
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 7
Freerider is on a distinguished road
I like the idea of selling "the dream". Talk about chill'in on remote beaches, in remote places in the world, etc.

Then the only way to achieve this is by learning how to sail, this is a great motivator!!

Although if this isn't in your plans then it might not work so well......
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #5  
Old 07-20-2009
MMR's Avatar
MMR MMR is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Annapolis, MD
Posts: 355
Thanks: 6
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 8
MMR is on a distinguished road
Send a message via AIM to MMR
Make it a date

I like your "make it a date" idea. Learning to appreciate sailing is hard enough w/o adding a 2yr to the mix.

Keep it simple, make it romantic and STRESS FREE for her (take care of packing the food and drinks yourself, at least the first couple of times) and really use it as an opportunity to "court her" all over again.

THEN, if she starts to appreciate sailing, see about classes.

Slow, steady and no pressure.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #6  
Old 07-20-2009
JT1019's Avatar
Belliure 41'
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 136
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 9
JT1019 is on a distinguished road
Send a message via AIM to JT1019
I was going to suggest getting a new girlfriend/wife but since you already have a 2 year-old I guess you’re stuck. Go with the wine/margarita/liquor idea…might even get lucky too!
__________________
“Greatness Is Not In Where We Stand, But In What Direction We Are Moving. We Must Sail Sometimes With The Wind And Sometimes Against It – But Sail We Must, And Not Drift, Nor Lie At Anchor.”
Oliver Wendell Holmes
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #7  
Old 07-20-2009
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Puerto Rico
Posts: 27
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 0
Bellita is on a distinguished road
Dont' do what I did:
My wife married me knowing that boating was my passion. After taking her out several times on my sailboat, she lost interest stating it took too long to get anywhere. We went out on a friends powerboat and she came alive on the water - now THAT's what she wanted!
In a fit of stupidity, trying to believe I could get her to embrace my passion for boating in that fashion, I sold the sailboat and bought a powerboat. A year of running the boat around PR and btwn PR and USVI she now states she wishes she hadn't asked me to sell the sailboat because powerboats are "too bumpy". ARGH!!!
Enough is enough. I'm not a powerboater by heart anyway - my discovery was boating was not my passion - SAILING was my passion. I now have a powerboat for sale and have repurchased a sailboat that I will be using in the future. I also discovered my wife just isn't into boating period, but let her know she's under no pressure to go, but she's welcome to sail with me anytime.

So my two cents to you is, if sailing is your passion - don't sell the boat because she's not into it. Enjoy your passion and babysit your little one once in awhile and let her go enjoy one of hers. you'll both be happier long term... but your mileage may vary! Good luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #8  
Old 07-20-2009
painkiller's Avatar
Apropos of Nothing
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,740
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Rep Power: 8
painkiller will become famous soon enough
Quote:
Originally Posted by ikrieger View Post
Over the weekend I discovered my girlfriend actually doesn't like sailing. "I pray for bad weather on the weekends" were here words.

I've tried to introduce her slowly to sailing by not going out in bad weather and keeping the trips short to about 1 hour sometimes organized around events like fireworks, or the airshow to keep it interesting. I don't ask her to go a lot, maybe 2-3 per month. We have a 2 yr. old and admittedly she has to watch her most of the time which I know is hard. So... any suggestions.

I was thinking of making it more a date thing where we keep the kid at home and I can teach her sailing and then when we go out I can watch the our daughter while she helms. She also has a competitive nature so maybe racing on another boat with other people men/women would help her gain interest.

I grew up sailing with my family and wanted to do the same with our new family, but it seems that all may be lost. If she has anxiety about the prospect of going sailing, let alone actually sailing.
If the date or margarita tricks don't work, get a smaller boat and enjoy single-handing it!

Does she like being on the boat at anchor or in a marina? If so, you can always single-hand to a destination and have your girlfriend fly/drive there to enjoy the easy part of cruising.

One other thing you can do is motor more often. When things are boring or scary, being under power and not tipping is often reassuring to non-sailors, especially with a tippy toddler on board. Also, any anxiety you might have will be recognized and amplified by your girlfriend, so if motoring quiets things down a bit and makes your life easier, then go for it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #9  
Old 07-20-2009
night0wl's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 1,406
Thanks: 0
Thanked 18 Times in 18 Posts
Rep Power: 9
night0wl is on a distinguished road
I've learned that a wife/gf's enjoyability of Sailing is directly tied to your own abilities as a skipper. For example, many weekend sailing couples face a panic situation when trying to dock..much yelling and gnashing of teeth occurs, resulting in a relationship that is bruised, as well as the occasional dinged/dented/gouged sailboat. If you're perfectly capable of doing most procedures calmly w/out drama, it may be better for her enjoyment of sailing as well.

Otherwise...well, you're pretty much going to single-hand. On the plus side, a bow thruster installed on most boats will be much less than the cost of a new powerboat. (Trust me, I've costed it out under these circumstances)
__________________
S/V Jendai
Beneteau 343
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
  #10  
Old 07-20-2009
sailortjk1's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Porter, IN
Posts: 4,647
Thanks: 1
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Rep Power: 10
sailortjk1 has a spectacular aura about sailortjk1 has a spectacular aura about
You have a very serious problem.What ever you do, don't try to force it on her.
That is something I would have done and it won't work.
Like Pain said, you might have to do more single-handing or find other crew.
Nothing in the agreement that I know of said you both have to like each other's hobbies. Just be supportive of each other.
Now..... man do I ever consider myself one lucky SOB.
__________________
Courtney is My Hero

If a man is to be obsessed by something, I suppose a boat is as good as anything, perhaps a bit better than most - E.B. White
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message Share with Facebook
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

By choosing to post the reply above you agree to the rules you agreed to when joining Sailnet.
Click Here to view those rules.

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the SailNet Community forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
Please note: After entering 3 characters a list of Usernames already in use will appear and the list will disappear once a valid Username is entered.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

 
Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may post attachments
You may edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Cruising Multihull Sail Trim Kevin Jeffrey Buying a Boat Articles 0 10-05-2004 09:00 PM
Sailing Basics Steve Colgate Her Sailnet Articles 0 03-09-2003 08:00 PM
Great Books for Beginners Mark Matthews Gear and Maintenance Articles 0 01-27-2000 08:00 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:35 PM.

Add to My Yahoo!         
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.1
(c) Marine.com LLC 2000-2012

The SailNet.com store is owned and operated by a company independent of the SailNet.com forum. You are now leaving the SailNet forum. Click OK to continue or Cancel to return to the SailNet forum.