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Old 10-12-2009
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Columbus Sailboat Rally, 1492

Columbus Day humor caught on the net this morning:

Mon Oct 12, 2009 at 06:10:03 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE

In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety Two...

Whatzisface sailed the ocean blue. And the pleasantness of the voyage depended on which ship you were on:

The Nina The discount vessel. A whopping 50-feet long, the Nina was a floating pigsty. If the salted-pork buffet didnít kill ya, the drink prices would. Evening entertainment was limited to games of "Clutch your crucifix for dear life" and "Find the Peso in the piss bucket." First class accommodations consisted of sitting anywhere upwind from the crew. And the sails? Ladies' bloomers.

The Pinta The "family" vessel. Parents (aka "guests") spend some quiet time suckin' down glasses of sherry while their children cavort with "cast members" decked out in animal skins and given comical names like "Luigi Llama" and "Miguel Mule." Unfortunately the sherry ran out on day two and the skins had to be tossed overboard on day three because of the stench. After that, entertainment was pretty much limited to games of "Clutch your crucifix for dear life" and "Find the Peso in the piss bucket."

The Santa Maria The party boat. Chocolate fountains, roaring casino, crystal chandeliers, disco ballroom, laser light shows and clothing's optional, baby! If this boat's a' rockin'...yadda yadda yadda. Other than that, not much is known about the flagship, no thanks to Columbus's one and only on-board rule: What happens on the Santa Maria, stays on the Santa Maria. Unfortunately, the one exception to the rule turned out to be syphillis.

Anyway. There's your annual Columbus Day history lesson, courtesy of Billipedia. And now a public service message: There's no mail today, and therefore no reason to get out of bed.
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