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I like the BRM approach. In the case of your brother - he's no captain...he's your brother (even if he's a captain)! And you should now hold this over his head forever more. That's what brothers do.
Seriously, if you're worried about something and you have experience, why not say something? Especially if the people you're sailing with aren't licensed captains? I think BRM is far more important in those cases than some perceived rank. If some dude gets miffed, he'll never invite you onto his boat again. Of course, if it's stuck under a pier...no big loss.
On the flip side, a "captain" should know his limits. The minute CharlieCobra stepped onto my boat - I listened and learned as crew. He was the captain - not me, even though it was my boat. He had the skillz - I didn't. (Of course that's true with about 90% of the people that step onto my boat). Some perceived notion of rank doesn't matter.
On the other side of it, when I sailed with Bubb - I kept my mouth shut as a crew member and learned. If I thought something, I asked him about it. He was very cool about it all and would ask for input - just to teach me.
Anyone that knows me knows I'm a huge fan of tact. But at some point it can get a little silly...and dangerous.
Last edited by smackdaddy; 11-12-2009 at 11:56 AM.