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post #11 of 24 Old 08-31-2010 Thread Starter
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the first one was terrible

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Originally Posted by tdw View Post
Bloke meets an old salt down by the docks. Notices the salt has a hook , a pegleg and an eye patch.
"So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
"We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard, a shark bit my leg off."
"What about your hook"?
"Lost my hand in a sword fight"
"Andthe eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye,"
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?,"
"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
But Andrew the second one is a cracker - I had not heard it before

Dylan


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post #12 of 24 Old 08-31-2010
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A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender notices that the pirate has the ship's wheel stuffed down the front of his pants. he asks the pirate, "Did you know you have a wheel stuffed in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Arr, it's drivin' me nuts."
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post #13 of 24 Old 09-01-2010
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Here is a bunch:

Boat Jokes


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post #14 of 24 Old 02-28-2017
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Re: Cleanish sailing jokes wanted

A pastor was writing a sermon about sex

but he was a very shy man, especially when it came to taboo topics. While the sermon was intended to tell his congregation about how sex is important to a healthy marriage, he just couldn't bring himself to actually write the word "sex". Instead, he just decided to use the letter "S" in his written notes.
The pastor's wife came in and saw him working. When she asked him what the "S" in his sermon notes stood for, the pastor nervously blurted out "SAILING, It's about sailing!"
The next Sunday, the wife unfortunately had to visit her sick mother, so she missed the pastor's sermon. The pastor started his sermon, and was pretty nervous, but as he preached, he got more and more comfortable about the topic of sex. His congregation loved the sermon and thought that he did a wonderful job teaching of the important of sex in a marriage.
The next day, the wife ran into some of people of the congregation. They told her what a wonderful sermon her husband had performed the day before. The wife, baffled, said "Wow, that's a bit unexpected. He's only ever done it twice, and both times he went overboard!"
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post #15 of 24 Old 02-28-2017
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Re: Cleanish sailing jokes wanted

Quote:
Originally Posted by bljones View Post
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender notices that the pirate has the ship's wheel stuffed down the front of his pants. he asks the pirate, "Did you know you have a wheel stuffed in your pants?"
The pirate replies, "Arr, it's drivin' me nuts."
And the winner is..
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post #16 of 24 Old 02-28-2017
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Re: Cleanish sailing jokes wanted

How progressive is the crowd?

Two Gays standing at the dock, one says "what kind of Boat is that"? The other one says, that's a Ferry Boat, his friend says I didn't know we had a Navy.
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post #17 of 24 Old 03-01-2017
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Re: Cleanish sailing jokes wanted

OK, this is on the edge, and presented with the upmost respect for sailors of any gender and persuasion with a reminder that my wife owned a sailboat before I did, and is a better sailor than me..etc. etc...., and knowing she enjoyed this interaction and will back up my story.


I heard this one after a rough passage in MA bay in a bar told by a group of guys we met that came in on a gaffer...no lie...


First I asked them, how the sailing was, run into any weather. Drinking heavily, they remarked casually, not too bad but "yea, we ran into a couple of Rum Squalls." Yea, right, they sure were in the middle of one now!


Then they told me this story. They spied an old salt headed paddling ashore in his skiff with 2 ladies aboard on the way to the seaside bar. The guy was paddling with his hands, and the ladies were sitting there in a fairly dignified posture. The oar locks were visible, but no oars were visible.

They shouted over to the old salt, "what happened to your oars?" The old salt yells back, "these ain't me oars, one is my wife and the other is me sister in law."



With apologies, but honest, this is an actual account of real events. Honest!
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post #18 of 24 Old 03-01-2017
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Re: Cleanish sailing jokes wanted

Quote:
Originally Posted by davidpm View Post
A pastor was writing a sermon about sex

but he was a very shy man, especially when it came to taboo topics. While the sermon was intended to tell his congregation about how sex is important to a healthy marriage, he just couldn't bring himself to actually write the word "sex". Instead, he just decided to use the letter "S" in his written notes.
The pastor's wife came in and saw him working. When she asked him what the "S" in his sermon notes stood for, the pastor nervously blurted out "SAILING, It's about sailing!"
The next Sunday, the wife unfortunately had to visit her sick mother, so she missed the pastor's sermon. The pastor started his sermon, and was pretty nervous, but as he preached, he got more and more comfortable about the topic of sex. His congregation loved the sermon and thought that he did a wonderful job teaching of the important of sex in a marriage.
The next day, the wife ran into some of people of the congregation. They told her what a wonderful sermon her husband had performed the day before. The wife, baffled, said "Wow, that's a bit unexpected. He's only ever done it twice, and both times he went overboard!"
A variation on that is the first time he got sick to his stomach and the second time he lost his hat.

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post #19 of 24 Old 03-01-2017
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Re: Cleanish sailing jokes wanted

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Originally Posted by jcalvinmarks View Post
“Well, I need you to hold that. If I fall off of the mast before the gorilla, I need you to shoot that dog.
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post #20 of 24 Old 03-01-2017
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Re: Cleanish sailing jokes wanted

A guy with a Corbin in the 30000 islands entered a race once, we both was anchored in the same bay. We weren't entered into the race but made it to the marina before him, so after 30 mins being at the marina we helped him With docking and asked who won. He answered;" i almost past the runner up in a 3 boat race but the ant on the log was too fast for me"
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