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Winterchase 12-31-2010 05:04 AM

Technical help for a screenplay
 
I'm a screenwriter living WAY up in the mountains of north Georgia (where Navy types are very rare) in need of a few technical terms, or even slang, relating to equipment aboard ships, specifically what would be used to hoist something, like a large rubber life-boat (loaded with drugs), over the fantail of a ship. In the scene, the mother ship has cut the rotation of the screw (is that correct?) but it hasn't completely stopped as deck hands hoist the large rubber life-boat over the fantail and in to the wake, stablizing it with lines (again, is that correct?) before releasing them and setting it adrift. It would be "heavy" so some kind of hoist or crane would be needed.

Here's how it is written now. If someone would be so kind as to vet it, I would be most appreciative. BTW, it's the only place in the screenplay where a ship is involved so this'll be a one-off request (from a former Army type ;o) ).

Thanks in advance.

Bill

From page three:

EXT. ABOARD THE TRAMP STEAMER -- CONTINUOUS

The rotation of the SCREW diminishes noticeably, as does the ship's wash, as deck hands hoist the rubber raft over the fantail.

As soon it's stable in the wake, the lines are released, the rotation of the SCREW increases, and the ship continues on into the night, leaving the life raft adrift on the open ocean.

Moments later, a 36 foot sport-fishing boat, it's powerful engines GURGLING, eases alongside the raft. It's running lights are off.

From the flying bridge, eerie green lights from sophisticated electronic gear keeps the three man crew in shadows as...

ON BOARD THE SPORT-BOAT

... they hurriedly haul in small bales from the raft.

A CREW MEMBER machine-GUNS the raft as the CAPTAIN hits the throttles and turns toward shore, revealing barely discernable lights glowing on the distant horizon and...

... as the mutilated raft slowly slips beneath the surface, the contemplative sights and SOUNDS of the moon lit ocean return.

omaho5 12-31-2010 10:17 AM

Go forth and post no more...This crap.

zedboy 12-31-2010 10:41 AM

Ok, I'll bite. I'm not sure you're on the path to winning any Oscars here, but I think we should be a friendly bunch.

The things you use to hoist a dinghy out of the water are davits.

A naval architect might call it a screw, but normal people call it the prop.

mdbee 12-31-2010 10:51 AM

Davits
 
But do "tramp steamers" have davits?

More likely be a crane?

Quote:

Originally Posted by zedboy (Post 681871)
Ok, I'll bite. I'm not sure you're on the path to winning any Oscars here, but I think we should be a friendly bunch.

The things you use to hoist a dinghy out of the water are davits.

A naval architect might call it a screw, but normal people call it the prop.


smackdaddy 12-31-2010 10:59 AM

Use amber glow from the instruments (not green - which is so 1962).

The raft won't sink on its own, even with bullet holes. You need to weight it.

And a "Tramp Steamer" should have a bunch of bad-ass chicks from Hooters as crew. This will definitely help sell the story.

Boasun 12-31-2010 06:18 PM

Best recommendation is for you to go to a seaport and observe several ships
or at least read "Knight's Modern Seamanship."

rikhall 01-01-2011 11:41 AM

Me, personally, I think you are all too hard on Winterchase. I think it is laudable that he is seeking the collective expert advice (or lunacy) of this group. How many times have you read a book that contained terribly incorrect nautical scenes - can you believe Kevin Costner took his PFD off before he jumped in the water in Message in a Bottle! Give me a break, and give Winterchase a break too.

Good on ya, Winterchase!

==========

>The rotation of the SCREW diminishes noticeably,

screw or prop both work, prop or propellers might be better

As soon it's stable in the wake, the lines are released, the rotation of the SCREW increases, and the ship continues on into the night, leaving the life raft adrift on the open ocean.

Maybe - as soon as it is "stable at the stern" ....

>powerful engines GURGLING,

This works

>From the flying bridge, eerie green lights from sophisticated electronic gear keeps the three man crew in shadows as...

green, amber, or remove the colour totally

>A CREW MEMBER machine-GUNS the raft

or reaches over and slashes the rubber side - they might not want the noise of a gun??

... as the < weight of the outboards pull the> mutilated raft beneath the surface, the contemplative sights and SOUNDS of the moon lit ocean return.

Just some ideas - I too want your screenplay to be accurate.

Happy New Year. When you get enough posts to send me a PM - feel free.

Rik

Domenic 01-01-2011 12:18 PM

Winterchase...Why a raft? I know nothing of how drug dealers bring stuff in. I would contact the Coast Guard...they deal with things like that.
From your layout I'm thinking you're a new screenwriter. Good luck.

sailor50 01-01-2011 03:42 PM

Be sure to fire a flare gun into the sails - READ DEAD CALM!

Some STOOPID STUFF about boats and sailing are sure to make us tightwads get off our armchairs, go see a movie, maybe go sailing - but surely criticize your attempts, and nobody has ever ask you to go with, and you get to laugh all the way to the Bank!

Good Luck! Happy Sails, May the wind always be at your back!

S 50

johnnyandjebus 01-01-2011 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rikhall (Post 682009)
Me, personally, I think you are all too hard on Winterchase. I think it is laudable that he is seeking the collective expert advice (or lunacy) of this group. How many times have you read a book that contained terribly incorrect nautical scenes - can you believe Kevin Costner took his PFD off before he jumped in the water in Message in a Bottle! Give me a break, and give Winterchase a break too.

Good on ya, Winterchase!

.
.
.

What he said, what a grumpy bunch, did Santa deliver coal?


John


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