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Noah2 06-12-2003 03:37 PM

A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!
Whatever stories you may have heard up ''till this point about, precisely where Noah''s Ark finally came to rest, please forget them, because I know they are not true.

The definitive story about Noah''s Ark is written below and since I am Noah, I was there, so please don''t argue with me! You should know from the sories that you have heard before, (and this bit is true) that I am God''s best friend, so please don''t push me!

Well for a kick off, I am Noah, I am 39 right now (any suggestion that I am nearer 700 is utter folly, I just couldn''t blow out that many candles!) so at the time of The Ark coming to rest, or ''landing'', as I prefer to put it, I would have been about 36ish.

Unlike all the other stories you may have heard about two by two and me having a vision of building a big boat to harbour all the creatures of the planet, I did not really have that much notice. Well none actually! Neither did I have the option to begat three sons with partners in tow. We just didn''t get a choice in those days.

What really came to pass was that me and Nelly (that''s her real name okay!) couldn''t afford the luxury of a high rise stack, of hay and mud.

This locale was and still is under quite heavy inward investment which puts a serious strain on the affordable housing stock. In other words it is seriously expensive for local people.

So, thinking along Darwinian lines that we all started out as fish, we pondered the idea of getting into the environment from whence they came. It seemed we were way ahead of our time, we thought it was a bit ''organic''. A box, a boat, it floats we''re off. Twas that simple really, all our little darlings on board and seven shiny goldfish.

Contrary to popular belief, The Ark didn''t float aimlessly into the abyss for years and years, no, it was actually INVITED into a beautiful, pretty boat park, in the South of the ancient Cambrian Region, where it stayed undisturbed for the best part of three whole years. For those overseas, I should explain that the ''Cambrian region'' is a humble, but whole and separate country called WALES. Roughly speaking, it''s between middle England and Southern Ireland. Anyways, getting back to our little tale...

Also not quite in keeping with the stories you may have heard, we were actually able to go to and fro, without the need to precariously land THE ARK on the top on any Mountain. Neither were we miles from human habitation. Whatever miracle had brought us safe thus far, also brought us to within a mile of the local supermarkets (Asda over here, that''s Walmart I think!)where grocery provisions were, and still are, in abundance. How convenient.

I know I digress, but as a matter of interest, there is just about everything one (with any moderate standards), could possibly wish for in this locale. Cinemas, parks, swimming pools, bowling, opera and performing arts facilities, restaurants, you name it, I think its catered for. Oh, and don''t forget Chuches! I am under contract, so I have to mention the abundance of Churches.

So Nell (that''s Mrs. Noah) was just one month away from ''giving it her all'', for she was with child, our child, and soon to be born at that. All was settled aboard The Ark. Snuggly and peacefully we lived aboard until somebody decided, (even God didn''t tell us) that THE ARK should finally ''come to rest'' in a most spectacular fashion.

Nelly and I were just quietly sitting down to watch our favourite vid, it was a dark cold night, bitterly cold. The rain and sleet were pounding against the windows. The winds were high. All the little animals on board The ARK were warm, snug and fast asleep....I refer, of course to our dear little children!

CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! KABOOM! Noah''s Ark had finally come to ''rest'', but this wasn''t on Mount Arrarat, it was on the Hammerhead of G pontoon, AT CREST NICHOLSONS'' MARINA, IN PENARTH MARINA, VALE OF GLAMORGAN, WALES, UK. I know there will be some weak in faith and a few zealots who want exact details, so that''s CF64 1TQ. (Zip Code)

In the ''other story'' that you may be familiar with, you already know, the waters ''subside'', but this was slightly different.........someone just decided to open the lock gates, but didn''t bother to tell me and sack-dress (pet name) about it! Out went the water in a rush....down went The Ark with a weeping and gnashing of teeth! Our weeping, our teeth! It''s true to say that there were parts of our anatomy that went from half a crown (a silver dollar perhaps?)to a sixpence (a dime?) in a millisecond!

Though we may have travelled so far in life experience, nothing has ever prepared us quite for the journey ahead......The Ark has since developed a leak!

Oh My God!!!

As you have probably guessed, the detail of this story is not that funny at all but it''s the sense of humour which we have since had to adopt, which is probably keeping our hopes and our dream alive

Dear SailNet and SailNet Members. PLEASE CAN YOU HELP?

To all decent and understanding hearts who share the joyful experience of being anywhere near a boat or living on the water, I place this note of sincere appeal.

My family and I are about to face the start of legal proceedings of eviction from a UK marina. The date we have been given to expect proceedings to start is from 1st April 2003.

We have done nothing wrong whatsoever. We have paid all our bills, kept our noses clean. We have always had permission to live here on our Houseboat. We get on very well with the neighbours. Here''s a link to a photograph of it taken just recently.

Our five daughters have never lived any other way. Living on a boat is a beautiful way of life. I am sure that SailNet members would agree? Four of our children are settled in school and the ''lady'' of the boat is now in full time education.

The marina operator has recently informed us that they made a mistake in letting us come to the marina 6 years ago. So, they said, LEAVE! You can not stay here any more, it''s not suitable. Go away and relocate yourself! The nearest known facility is in another country! Thay have made an offer of 10k to us to go away, which sounds reasonable enough but it''s not that straight forward....

There is also the documented fact, as indicated above, that they caused an incident in which the boat struck the hard and toppled sideways, and now the boat has developed a leak! Consequently, no company will insure such a boat, no towing company will move a boat without insurance. The vessel is unpowered and has no sails, it is a purposely converted craft...our HOME. We are in a bizarre situation which is not of our own making.

We are both local people, both Cardiff born, (approx 5 miles from Penarth) who had a dream over 13 Years ago. To get married, to buy a boat, convert it and live happily ever after, raising our lovely little family, on our Houseboat, at Penarth marina.

Sadly, some time back, our only son Joshua Benedict died aboard the Picton, just two days old. Coming to terms with this has been exhausting. Our sentimental attachment to the THE ARK (Houseboat M.V. Picton) and this locale is thus magnified. Moving away from our own home area or just simply giving up the M.V. Picton without a fight, is not an option, we believe that we could realistically consider.

If you feel anything at all about this situation and would like to know more, give advice or express an opinion, or support our campaign to save our home and protect our way of life, please send me an e-mail directly to

Or if you prefer, please post comments here and I will get back to you. Please also feel free to tell your boating friends about this appeal.

Thankyou SailNet Administators
Thankyou SailNet Members



Vince & Marie Louise Shalom
Houseboat M.V. Picton
Penarth Marina
United Kingdom
CF64 1TQ

Viceroy 06-13-2003 08:15 AM

A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!
Note: This Noah fellow has been badgering a number of European nautical bulletin boards for the past year...or more...with his "apparent" sad story. Any expression of compassion or understanding is met with "blarny" and more crocodile tears...but no action to move/ababdon his hulk. Apparently, he has plenty of time to prattle away with complaints and nebulous requests for assistance but no time or inclination to resolve his situation...especially turning down 10,000 pounds (~US$20,000) to move. Be warned not to get sucked into his vortex of never-ending grief. Cheers.

knothead 06-13-2003 03:36 PM

A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!
Thank you for the warning.
While I feel for these people, and wish that we lived in a world where everyone got along all the time and where we could do everything our hearts desired without worring about how our actions or inactions affected anyone else, I have accepted the fact that that is not the case. Life has a way of throwing us curve balls once in awhile, (Do they know what curve balls are in the UK?), and we have to make a choice to either do it the graceful way or go down fighting. It''s often easier for some people to choose the hard way.
If I were responsible for a beautiful family, (especially after suffering through such a tragedy), and faced with similar choices, I hope I would choose to take the 20 grand and build another boat or a cabin or something somewhere else.
The writer doesn''t really get around to telling us what he or she is seeking or hoping for.

Noah2 06-13-2003 03:50 PM

A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!
Dear SailNet and SailNet Members.

I do not know this Viceroy chap and he does not know me. But, I have written to him on another site in the hope of eventually inviting him into the discussion.

He has decided not to get involved with my situation, and I do not recall that, he has ever requested any further details. However, it seems he is always ready to pour scorn on anything which is posted, from me.

I very much regret that someone who has no idea what I am experiencing should behave in this way.

SailNet Members, You have my name, my address, my postcode, personal details, everything you need.

Please decide for yourselves of the integrity of this situation. Thankyou,



Noah2 06-13-2003 04:57 PM

A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!
Dear Knothead, thanks for your posting.

You have raised very good points, what do we want, what are we seeking?



It is a natural, principled process, of being able to comfortably exchange ideas and opinions and fundamentally, to learn why misconceptions become apparent in the first place. By it''s very nature it cannot be rushed, less at the expense of one party feeling ''miffed'' or that an injustice has been done to them.

We are ready to take our part in the process of Reconciliation (and have been reaching out with the Olive branch for years, particularly since the grounding) and we accept that Forgiveness is an absolute necessity in that process.

To be misunderstood, and deliberately misrepresented, with fear being the dominant nature of the relationship, reconciliation is not possible, because the first principle of reconciliation is undermined. The victim must WANT to forgive as must the perpetrator, must WANT to be forgiven.

Our aims are clear.

Not to be Evicted, to continue with our Way of Life, to work towards sharing a good Interdependent Relationship with our marina operator, CREST NICHOLSON MARINAS LIMITED.

We accept that genuine misunderstandings are a fact of life and we kindly suggest that this may be what has happened here.

We are asking SailNet Members who support our clear aims, to e-mail contact the company concerned at the following site:

Thanks again for your interest, I assure you this is a real life and genuinine appeal.



tsenator 06-26-2003 06:45 PM

A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!

I''m sorry and I can understand your way of life is probably very nice and you''ve become accustomed to it. But come on, its only been 6 years, its not like your forefathers have been there since the beginning of time.

In no way do I see that they "owe" you. Do they own the marina or is it governmentally owned? Did you have a contract? Did you and they completely comply with the terms and conditions, therein? A contract is a 2 way street and both parties are not bound to it at the end of the term. Not knowing the laws over there, have you tried enlisting a sympathetic barrister or lawyer? As a people we live in a world of laws and people need to abide by them or totally anarchy will ensue. If you feel they are unfair, I say work to change them. This is not Iraq we are talking about.

Have you ever thought that maybe your "ark" is an eyesore and becoming a nuisance to the others in the marina? Thats no reason to expel anyone, but maybe everyone is complaining about your "ark". Maybe your "ark" is becoming a navigational and or environmental hazard, I don''t know. But I do know that in instances such as this there are typically 2 sides to a story and I''d be very interested to hear what the Marina has to say about your existence there. I think there is a lot of peices to this puzzle that are not being told. With them offering that large sum of money, I can''t see them as being totally unreasonable (Hell, I''d LOVE if my marina gave me $20,000 to move my boat!! and I''ve been there longer than 6 years)

One of the best lessons you might teach to your children is that at times life throws you "curve balls" and you have to take them head on, adjust and move on, sometimes to bigger and better places. Yes Don Quixote was valiant, sparring with windmills.....but really where did he end up?

jon frum 06-27-2003 06:14 AM

A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!
It seems to me that if you spend half the time it took to write your plea for help, and spent that time negociating with the marina management to solve the issue(s), you wouldn''t have a problem to deal with.

They want to give you 10,000 ponds to leave and you won''t take it????

BigRed56 07-04-2003 03:14 PM

A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!
Ahoy , all of you knuckle headed nitwits. This is the Pirate of Pine Island and Every darn time I take an extended cruise away from me computer youse come in here wit your silly innane garbage. Get Out and Stay out. We donts care a wit fer yer silly grief stricken god fearing dribble. And don''t come back!

knothead 07-05-2003 02:50 PM

A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!
How boring the world would be without "knuckle headed nitwits" spouting their " silly innane garbage" and "grief stricken god fearing dribble"
Makes for good dialogue. After all Pirates have a limited range.

Noah2 07-24-2003 10:44 PM

A Nautical Sense of Humour, You Decide Please!
Thankyou tsenator for your posting,

Our Family situation continues and is very real and most distressing. A principle not worth fighting for, is only ever, an idea.

For thirteeen years we have lived aboard, six and a half at this marina. Not our entire adult lives, I appreciate your point but most certainly the entire lives of our children. We are settled and came here with the marina company giving us their full blessing but now THEY admit that THEY made a mistake.

For legal reasons I am advised not to comment on contractual matters but I would be very interested to know if you ever get ''the other side of the story'' from the marina company.

Thanks again for your posting.


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