Invites to friends/confused expectations. - Page 4 - SailNet Community
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post #31 of 47 Old 06-01-2011
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I think I distinguish between a party that I'm *hosting* and a potluck that I'm *organizing.* In the first case, I've invited people for the pleasure of their company, and I'm providing the food and drink. (Courteous guests bring a bottle of wine for later, or flowers, etc). In the second, everyone is expected to contribute to the event (may be necessary to assign who brings dessert, who brings appetizers, etc)


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post #32 of 47 Old 06-01-2011
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I agree your friends are pretty cheap to only bring chips and salsa, however if I threw a themed party and the main theme was Margaritas I would probably make sure I had enough Tequila, Triple Sec and limes to make a reasonable amount of Margaritas. The invitation would then confirm that Margaritas were going to be poured but if anyone wanted other drinks, beer, soda, etc than please bring you own along with chips, salsa and whatever else they could afford.

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post #33 of 47 Old 06-01-2011
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Denise,

I don't know how your friends were invited (snail mail, eMail, telephone, poster on bulletin board...) but, you could personalize each message asking the invitee to bring something specific. Ex: Andrew, please bring a case of beer of your choice (Fosters), Richard, please bring a gallon of Tequilla, Knot, please bring 5 limes & 3 bags of chips, Sawingknots, please stay home, etc...
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post #34 of 47 Old 06-01-2011
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If you spell it out and they still show up sans booze...well, stick to your guns. Enjoy what you brought, let others enjoy what they brought...if they brought nothing, they can enjoy the conversation.


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post #35 of 47 Old 06-01-2011
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When throwing a party I always provide the food and necessary items to enjoy. I'll even provide mixers, coolers and plenty of ice, throw in a couple mixers for making frozen drinks, and even occasionally live music, but not the alcohol. It is always bring your own alcohol. The reason is simple, by not providing it, i am not responsible for your being irresponsible.

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post #36 of 47 Old 06-01-2011
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As you describe it I think you need new friends.

Alternatively, the next invitation could include a description of the problem and a solution - you show up, you pay.

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post #37 of 47 Old 06-01-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SailKing1 View Post
It is always bring your own alcohol. The reason is simple, by not providing it, i am not responsible for your being irresponsible.
This.

In this day and age of stupid litigation and people failing to take responsibility for their own dumbassedness.....I'll pass on getting sued because someone drank a bunch of alcohol I supplied.


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post #38 of 47 Old 06-01-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SailKing1 View Post
When throwing a party I always provide the food and necessary items to enjoy. I'll even provide mixers, coolers and plenty of ice, throw in a couple mixers for making frozen drinks, and even occasionally live music, but not the alcohol. It is always bring your own alcohol. The reason is simple, by not providing it, i am not responsible for your being irresponsible.
This is the proper way to host. sans the "So I am not responsible" curmudgeon part.

I believe that the problem the OP is having stems from communication rather than lousy guests.
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post #39 of 47 Old 06-01-2011
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I'm a little surprised to hear the number of "Get new friends" suggestions, which initially I assumed were in jest. I'd like to think that the reason people form friendships is because both parties think they get something from the interaction besides cost-sharing on food and drink.

Sure, if these friends are not valuable to you, go ahead and get new ones. My experience is that getting new friends is not a trivial process and requires some work, and if you don't put that work in, you get the sort of friends that make you want to get new friends pretty soon. If these particular friends are valuable, you need to talk to them like they're adults, or you need to modify your expectations about your relationship.

Personally I think that if throwing parties is a source of stress for you, don't do it. It's a source of stress for me, so I don't do it, and instead I go to other peoples' parties and bring something with me.

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post #40 of 47 Old 06-01-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eherlihy View Post
Denise,
Sawingknots, please stay home, etc...
where did you read that i had any intention of honoring you with my presence,i do have standards[sorry denise i didn't intend to go off topic]

Last edited by sawingknots; 06-01-2011 at 02:24 PM. Reason: add
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