Like the others, I can relate to what you are going through. However, I have to agree with those who suggest that spending money on boats is a simple fact of life.
The amount of money that we have spent on improvements over 18 months is a fair bit more than the original purchase price--and this is for a boat that is in pretty good shape. I knew that was a possibility going in. Now we prioritize.
As others have suggested, the more that you can do yourself, the better in the long run. We have been blessed with knowledgeable and helpful friends--all we had to was ask, and be prepared to return favours. You may be pleasantly surprised to find how many of your friends have knowledge that you can draw on. If they can't help you directly, I'll bet they can steer you in the direction of folks who can.
I'm not going to comment too much about your wife's complaints because I don't know the degree to which she is involved in working on the boat. However, her complaints might lessen a bit if you follow Denise's advice by slapping some paint on the boat; and going sailing over the summer. If your wife can see you getting some enjoyment from the boat, her outlook may change a lot.
Finally, above all else--don't give up! During one of our low points, my buddy down the dock told both my wife and I that, when he was completely re-fitting his boat, there were nights when he sincerely wished that his boat would sink.
Three years later, he would repel boarders to the max. When we have our moments (all boaters do), thinking of that chat with Mike helps me put everything in perspective.
To help with that, keep checking back here. Advice and moral support is what Sail Net is all about.