Well, FWIW, I didn't mean for this to get into a soap opera (although I guess it makes it that much more interesting
). As in so many other things, I tend to try and be a problem solver and investigator, so put my question here, when SO wouldn't/couldn't answer it.
It is frustrating to me as I like the idea in theory of sailing together - I'm the half with the ship's captain great-grandfather and uncles, but it has been mostly about me acting totally subservient in the water in order for SO to be happy. I'm pretty independent, and inquisitive, and when I'm just asking how things are run, or volunteer to find a solution, or worry about operating her in certain conditions - and am met with an attitude I don't usually see on land, I agree it doesn't look good - no matter how much SO characterizes this activity as one he envisions us doing together.
I have always had a very healthy respect for the sea, and you're right - his ability to captain at this time is not solid.
I also worked for him 3 of the last 4 years, which resulted in my leaving the job for the health of the relationship - since I had, things had gone very well. This attitude on the boat is very reminescent of his Jekyll/Hyde persona at the office when I think about it.
One should have their bearings at all times - life's too short for this kind of constant melodrama. But for today, time to go out, be a landlubber and mow the lawn!!