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  #11  
Old 06-15-2011
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I almost want to say, "Hey! I know this guy." He stares back at me from behind the mirror the few times in a week I bother to look that direction. My wife will trade horror stories with you, and probably win.

Don't sweat the small stuff. I would guess cabling issues on both the GPS and wind speed, whether from shoddy installation or just age and corrosion. A chart and a moistened finger tells much of what you need to know. It's not too late for a survey. In fact, I think it would be a great idea. You'll have a better idea then of what are small, and what might be real cause for concern.

I'm guessing the real problem isn't the boat so much, but your discomfort with him as the skipper. I don't have any advice on that score, since I sail alone as often as not. There are some moments that I would have liked to share with her, an especially glorious sunrise at anchor two weeks ago comes to mind, but mostly, I like the solitude too. I do hope you resolve the issues.
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Old 06-15-2011
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This is an oddly interesting thread! Honestly, it sounds like the boat issues are a surrogate for the relationship. Long distance relationships are hard. How one runs a boat tells much about their personality. Compatibility doesn't sound like it's in the cards. Big sea, lot's of fish as they say.
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  #13  
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Well, FWIW, I didn't mean for this to get into a soap opera (although I guess it makes it that much more interesting ). As in so many other things, I tend to try and be a problem solver and investigator, so put my question here, when SO wouldn't/couldn't answer it.

It is frustrating to me as I like the idea in theory of sailing together - I'm the half with the ship's captain great-grandfather and uncles, but it has been mostly about me acting totally subservient in the water in order for SO to be happy. I'm pretty independent, and inquisitive, and when I'm just asking how things are run, or volunteer to find a solution, or worry about operating her in certain conditions - and am met with an attitude I don't usually see on land, I agree it doesn't look good - no matter how much SO characterizes this activity as one he envisions us doing together.

I have always had a very healthy respect for the sea, and you're right - his ability to captain at this time is not solid.

I also worked for him 3 of the last 4 years, which resulted in my leaving the job for the health of the relationship - since I had, things had gone very well. This attitude on the boat is very reminescent of his Jekyll/Hyde persona at the office when I think about it.

One should have their bearings at all times - life's too short for this kind of constant melodrama. But for today, time to go out, be a landlubber and mow the lawn!!
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Old 06-15-2011
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There ya go. Yard work is sometimes therapeutic.

You two need to talk.
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  #15  
Old 06-15-2011
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What general area of Maine?

Plan on taking some courses - they are fun and worth it.

Look for your local USPS or other similar organization. Have the charts and know how to read them. (take the boating course or the How to Use a Chart seminar). Have a working hand held GPS and know how to use it, (take the USPS GPS seminar) Easy and fun things to do and a great way to meet other boaters.

You will also be surprised at how fast your skills develop and your confidence rises.

Linda and I have taken more than a dozen courses together in a similar organization in Canada.

Rik
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Heave ho I think
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  #17  
Old 06-15-2011
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Originally Posted by glimmerglasspeg View Post
It is frustrating to me as I like the idea in theory of sailing together - I'm the half with the ship's captain great-grandfather and uncles, but it has been mostly about me acting totally subservient in the water in order for SO to be happy. I'm pretty independent, and inquisitive, and when I'm just asking how things are run, or volunteer to find a solution, or worry about operating her in certain conditions - and am met with an attitude I don't usually see on land, I agree it doesn't look good - no matter how much SO characterizes this activity as one he envisions us doing together.

I have always had a very healthy respect for the sea, and you're right - his ability to captain at this time is not solid.

I also worked for him 3 of the last 4 years, which resulted in my leaving the job for the health of the relationship - since I had, things had gone very well. This attitude on the boat is very reminescent of his Jekyll/Hyde persona at the office when I think about it.

One should have their bearings at all times - life's too short for this kind of constant melodrama. But for today, time to go out, be a landlubber and mow the lawn!!
It's never going to work. your still an employee and will always be treated as "lesser" then equal Who's more at fault? him for having his way all the time anywhere? or you for playing the doormat? Surely (hopefully) in the inevitable end you will assert you own personality and go sailing with people that enjoy and share, not , intimidate, whine, insult and act stupid only around women. The whole scenario seems to be based on someone's skewed idea that relationships are based on dominance and submission, not love and respect. Suggestion.. join a women's sailing group!
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  #18  
Old 06-15-2011
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Wait... you QUIT a job because of HIS behaviour, and you still stuck around to be bullied on a personal basis... and you WANT to spend time on a boat with this freak?

It sounds like you want to sail, and like to sail, so buy your own boat and find an SO willing to be a partner, not a parsnip. Your current SO sounds like a coward with no self-confidence and control issues who is always looking for a target to aim his frustration at. That can't be fun.
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Old 06-16-2011
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A lot of good advice here. We have a routine of 2 phone calls a day, and I was so PO'd after yesterday I didn't answer last night's.

The dominant/submissive posture was what he put in place when we worked together, not in other aspects - was in a professional office, and the plan was I'd be trained to do his work when he retired. But I was always putting out fires for him, and he was a lousy mentor and boss - I do and did stand up for myself, and frankly he was more successful with me there, but won't admit it. So after one final heave of heavy work by me, and another blast of finger pointing and accusations by him, I quit and am on the verge of once again returning to work for myself in a couple of businesses.

So when he brought up the wind speed indicator, and I suggested to him that really, everything should be up and running before the boat is moved from its mooring near the repair shop to its harbor mooring, the retort was a real blow. He eventually "said" all you need to do is sail conservatively - which he never does...

So, yea - this is very remininescent of his bullying behavior at work - one more milieu where we don't get along. Four years and several other places and reasons where and why we work well together is alot to dump for just this. Anyway, I have alot on my plate work wise and will concentrate on that for now, and he can be by himself on the boat, and see how that works for him!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glimmerglasspeg View Post
So when he brought up the wind speed indicator, and I suggested to him that really, everything should be up and running before the boat is moved from its mooring ...
Once again: As has been said by me and many others: You absolutely do not need a wind instrument for safety reasons. We don't have one on Abracadabra. Most sailboats I've been on don't have one. If you race they give you more data points that, if you know how to take advantage of the information, can be handy. Otherwise: If you have money to burn they're a neat toy.

I would've sworn you said you had past sailing experience? If so: I must admit to being somewhat puzzled by this wind instrument fixation.

If your wind instrument is a Raymarine, odds are the problem is in the connection at the masthead. Raymarine wind instruments are notorious for that. One (past?) participant here replaced his Raymarine wind instrumentation with something else and gave away his Raymarine system, he was so fed up with it.

Do NOT let the absence of an electronic wind instrument stop you from sailing--be it day-sailing, cruising or even racing. It's a non-essential piece of equipment.

As for your non-sailing/-sailboat-related issues... I can sometimes advise on things related to boats and boating, but relationship issues... I gave up advising on those long ago.

Good luck,
Jim
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